Scrapbook

hi again.

2005-11-08T18:51:00.000+08:00

it's been a while.

i stand alone
the crystal ball of the world
in my hands.
as i place it at my feet
i'm afraid
cos i'm alone.
facing the world.
so fragile..
so fragile.
alone.
the emptiness.
the black void.
i raise a hand
to my face
to wipe away my tears.
and there..
that angel.
spreading his wings,
enveloping me.
a silent promise..
that he will protect me.
i..
i am no longer alone,
no longer afraid.
because i have my angel.

one month.. love you! ^^

2005-10-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

v.a. is so screwed these days i'm tempted to just throw my papers away and walk out of it completely.

no dedication.

you know something?
i think i'll just write stuff that doesn't suit their characters at all, like someone suggested.
wahahaha.
watch them try to act that out.

actually i already have random scenes laid out in my mind.. i know how they're going to develop, what's going to happen and who's going to say what.. so maybe i should just start on those scenes and link them together later?

...by experience, that isn't going to work. not for me, anyhow.

quite pleased with the scene i just did, yesterday or two days ago i think. quite good so far.

when will i get down to writing the next scene..

....oh wait. what's the next scene anyway?!

^_^;

2005-10-28T05:56:00.000+08:00

now can i have some peace?
thanks.

2005-10-26T05:37:00.000+08:00

you know something?
screw it.

screw tpjc.
screw all of you.
seriously.

dots

2005-10-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

go on.
go ahead for all i effing care.

i'm tired of repeating myself, tired of answering all these questions when the most important person decides not to respond, tired of sifting through waves of spam, tired of people acting cute, tired of it all.

spam all you want. i'm not stopping you. just please know when and where to spam, can. we have a spam thread for you to spam all you want la. why spam there also?!

it's so eff-ed up can.

i'm tired of slogging it out for that project. i'm tired of trying so hard to get things done while everyone else thinks it's one effing joke. i'm tired of doing my best wile you all just romp around having fun.

i'm tired of pretending to be happy.

can? can just leave me to cry or something? please?!

just.. just leave me alone. no, seriously. just stop talking to me. then maybe i'll be able to hear myself think. thanks.

birthday

2005-10-10T02:03:00.000+08:00

well..

i had the most memorable birthday ever.

you made it all the more special.. ^^

thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. it really means a lot to me. ^^ thank you one and all.. haha.

hmm.. it's been a wonderful end to my sixteen-year-old life, and a wonderful beginning to my seventeen-year-old life. so many things waiting to happen, i'm so glad that i've got you.

you're God's birthday present to me.. the dearest present of all.. ^^ i really thank Him for letting me meet you.. haha. =) i guess some things cannot be explained.. but somehow, you just know it's right.. it feels right.. yeah.

thanks for everything.. ilu~ <3

lol. ^^

2005-10-08T21:27:00.000+08:00

even though we didn't really do anything special today, thanks for making this day such a memorable one.. ^^

today, ivan, vera and aries came over to my place to 'play' with make-up and hair.. ivan and aries came from jason's hostel after spending the night there. haha. ivan has hopes of getting a diploma in make-up(or was it hairdressing? i forget XD). so vera was his test subject for the day.

i told my brother that ivan was looking for another test subject, just to freak him out. hahaha!

we had lunch at my place(my mum cooked~ whee), then ivan did vera's hair and we left for miwitch's place, where we talked and slacked some more, watched dome dir en gray mtvs. i swear dir en gray is nuts. seriously. haha.. their mtvs are seriously disturbing. not for the faint-hearted.

after slacking at miwitch's, aries walked home(her house just down the street), vera went to kovan to meet derrick, and ivan sent me home. haha.

today is a happy day. happy happy happy. hahaha~

yup. post-exam life rocks.

tomorrow meeting vera and ivan, maybe jason and the rest to go to the japanese fair down at the cc.. i heard it's only the size of a basketball court though, so maybe we'll go out after. ^^

yay~ XD

ignore me. i'm just crazily overjoyed today. haha.

the end

2005-10-07T09:52:00.000+08:00

PROMOS ARE FINALLY OVER~!!

oh my gosh. yesh. promos are finally over!
and so is my jc1 life, as woanrong so kindly pointed out.

it has passed all too fast~!
what i would give to go back to first three months, when everything was pure fun, when everything was so uncertain, when everything was just insane. what i wouldn't give..

sigh. oh well.

anyway, promos are over and we gonna party~!!!
XD

ladila

2005-10-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

been hopping to and from my blogger and lj, bleagh.

papers have been insane.
math was okay, though. i think i may be able to get a b or a c for it. yay! haha..

hmm.
in other news, i think i'm rather screwed.
don't ask why.. just am.

i know my post very short. but a lot of stuff going on that i'd rather not talk about.

thinking of permanently moving to lj but blogger gives me the freedom to change my layout according to my whim, heh.
oh well.

hmm

2005-10-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

gp paper was.
well.

physics paper was.
well.

chem paper was.
well.

hahaha. i had time to sleep during all three papers.

more info here.
yup. that's where i've been hiding.

*sounds of ohhhhhh~*

tomorrow's math.
i dunno..

sigh.

almost said something on sgcafe today.. but edited it out. think no one saw it altho tan asked me what it was.
haha.

oh well.

gonna study.
taa

sigh.

2005-10-02T15:49:00.000+08:00

ah ong was spreading a lot of love around in the tc thread last night.

plus, he was raving mad about the powerpuff girls movie, going "I AM SL ONG!" at any given opportunity. benny asked me to take care of him, but i don't think i did a good job because all of a sudden he started spreading love around. right. and he started getting all emo when i told him i loved him too. okay.

then ong went to slit his wrists and it all went downhill from there.

mmhmm.
gonna study chem in a bit..

didn't sleep well last night. too many things going through my head.

this morning, found out my file transfer disconnected at 100MB left!! gah!! it was a 760+MB file, and it stalled at 100MB left.. gah.. so sad..

sorry ivan-kor, my computer screwed up again.. T^T

ack ack ack.

sometimes i wonder if it's worth it.

had a two-hour chat with kor earlier just now.. on my way home from church. haha.. today is 'entertain ivan-kor' day.. haha..

nakuru just told me some very bad news about our erementar gerad group for eoy 06.. apparently people pulled out.. not like we already have a lot of people, then two pull out some more.. it's gonna be tough man.. sigh.

i dunno. i think we should fuse with david's team but david doesn't want repeats. ack ack ack.

i'm gonna die soon.

no, seriously.
i'm going to die soon.

gah

2005-10-01T19:16:00.000+08:00

my blogger screen is so screwed, and i wonder why.

ho hum.

yes, i changed my blog template. been quite into yaoi these few days.. heheh.. ^_^; but it's nice! it's really nice, isn't it? xD

wahahaha.. yep i know the words are probably a little hard to read.. but too many colours.. until i find a nicer one ba.. haha

i really like this pic though.. it's cool. wahahahaha.

the others are at a vampires meeting.
quinton said they've already migrated to the arcade
how fun. i wish i was there.

hmm..
studied abit today.. gotta choing liaos.

have to try and open my locker on monday. stupid locker. oh well.

some stuff.

2005-10-01T11:11:00.000+08:00

who knew sl ong has a song-loving side. xD so here i am just sharing. hahahaha

Enter Sandman
by Metallica
album: Metallica (The Black Album) (1991),
S&M (1999)
Say your prayers little one
Don't forget my son
To include every one

I tucked you in
Warm within
Keep u free from sin
Until the sand man he comes

Sleep with one eye open
Grippin' your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never neverland

Something’s wrong
Shut the light
Heavy thoughts nights
And they aren't so white

dreams of war, dreams of lairs
dreams of dragon's fire
And of things that will bite

Sleep with one eye open
Grippin' your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never neverland

Now I lay me down to sleep
(Now I lay me down to sleep)
Pray the lord my soul to keep
(Pray the lord my soul to keep)
If I die before I wake
(If I die before I wake)
Pray the lord my soul to take
(Pray the lord my soul to take)

Hush little baby, don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just the beasts under your bed,
In your closet, in your head

Exit light
Enter night
Grain of sand
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never neverland

POISON

ALICE COOPER

Your cruel device, your blood like ice,
One look could kill my pain, your thrill.

I wan't to love you but I better not touch - don't touch,
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop.
I want to kiss you but I want it too much - too much,
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison.

You're poison runnin' through my veins, you're poison,
I don't want to break these chains.

Your mouth, so hot, your web, I'm caught,
Your skin, so wet, black lace on sweat.

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins - and pins,
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name.
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin - deep in,
I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison.

You're poison runnin' through my veins, you're poison,
I don't want to break these chains - poison.

One look could kill my pain, you thrill.

I want to love you but I better not touch - don't touch,...

You're poison runnin' through my veins, you're poison,
I don't want to break these chains - poison.

I want to love you but I better not touch - don't touch,...

I don't wanna break these chains - poison.
Runnin' deep inside my veins, burning deep inside my veins - poison.
I don't wanna break these chains - poison.

should i stay, or should i go?

2005-09-30T16:33:00.000+08:00

had a drive driven by your love
but when you messed around I lost the drive I found
thought you needed needed someone true
but you changed your mind or had i failed you?
wished you've been careful with my heart
but you tore it apart and broke an angel's heart
i guess what's true has an end somewhow
but i am living proof of what love is about

it's hard holding you loving you losing you
it's sad to be true and be fooled by you
i don't know I don't know should i stay or should i go

you played me on, played me like a clown
but i feel for you, even though i'm down
my heart is heavy, heavy like a rock
but i am so amused you're still in my thoughts

it's hard holding you loving you losing you
it's sad to be true and be fooled by you
i don't know I don't know should i stay or should i go

what's done is done i'll never feel the same
but we had some good times, guess it's sad just the same
i guess the truth doesn't matter somehow
but you were living proof, of what love is about

well.

for those two times, those few seconds, i felt blissful.

thank you.

i understand if you may not want to talk to me anymore.. it's just a making of my own selfishness and foolishness.

it's hard holding you.
loving you.
losing you.

even though we've only scratched the surface, i'm glad that you are, or were, in my life.

sth and nth.

2005-09-29T11:37:00.000+08:00

gah. cannot see chinese. T-T

oh yes. matashiki, if you want to be caressed, it can be arranged.. wahahahahahah.. your fate is in the hands of me and losse~~ ^_^

been thinking.. exams are around the corner.. should really put everything into it.. haha.. and think about cosplay later.. after all, at the moment, losse has taken the scriptwriting off my hands, so no worries. and even though people think i'm not studying, i am. i may seem like i'm not worried but have you heard that looks can be decieving? sigh.

there's so much i have to think about now also.. spent about 2 hrs sleeping in the band room.. feel much better now, i think. but yeah. maz came and i miss her so much. sorry but i just wish that i had someome to cling to right now.. someone who can take all the pain and sadness away. someone who i can be with and forget about my troubles, who will comfort me when i'm hurt and guide me when i'm lost..

yes, i need God. thanks to benny for that reminder.

i don't know. somehow things around me are just confusing me more and more each day. i'm not sure what to think or do anymore. all i know is that once i get the exams out of the way, i'm gonna take time off to just be with my friends.. be with the people who matter to me the most.

yups.. i can't wait for the promos to be over.

masa and luel are piling pressure on me to finish the script.. i'm so glad that i have losse to help me. *huggles*

oh well.. it's gonna be chem soon. sigh.
half the class is missing. i think. i dunno anymore.

advent children giving me problems. i'm gonna tryto watch it one more time today, and if i still can't watch it with the subtitles, then i guess forget it.

plus, my sound system sucks. i pratically have to hold the speaker to my ear to be able to hear the dialogue.
gah.

which is why i also hope the vampires thing will be on cd. cos i'll need to play it on tv instead of on my computer with the sucky sound system. oh well.

10-min episodes sounds cool. we can work on it slowly then. and it'll be easier for download.

will we want people to download our vid for free? we're putting so much effort into it.. it'd be a shame if people could just download..

who knows. maybe we'll sell the script. =)
write the making of.
book version.
pictorial edition.
i don't know.

sounds like one huge dream, huh.
know why?

because i'm a dreamer.

and when i dream..
i dream big. =)

good day, all..

oh yes.

ripped from masa.

001. Reply with your name(in this case, tag my board) and I'll respond with something random about you.
002. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
003. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and I.
004. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
005. I'll tell you what animal of which you remind me.
006. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
007. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. Seriously

here's what masa said about me..

001. Script writer =O Thanks alot too XD
002. Jay Chou's Qi Li Xiang (I hear it on your MP3 player too much) XD
003. THAILAND TRIP!! LOL! XD
004. Meeting you @ Clarke Quay MRT, when you were interested for the project, you were like, so random XD
005. Dolphin, strong yet nice but seems sad sometimes for unknown reasons
006. The trips from East to West are like hell, aren't they? I've tried them quite a few times *nods*

i like the dolphin. thanks so much! *huggles*

hehee. okay. tata.

and.

2005-09-26T10:42:00.000+08:00

when people think they have had a bad day, i tell them:

you didn't/weren't:
1) travel 2 hrs to bukit batok
2) wait one and a half hours for someone who never showed up
3) almost get lost in a totally foreign area
4) run around in the heat in oversized black tee and jeans
5) the only one to turn up at a 'meeting'(other than the host masa, so yeah)
6) spend 2 hrs travelling back home

takumi slept in. *strangles* luel and zenshin probably forgot, aki never got the message and losse had family bonding time. =) oh yay.

and just when you think that's bad, add in the fact that you almost blacked out in the morning.
go home, rush out a report and update a website..
stay up till 12am just trying to finish up..

okay. that's enough ranting for now.
anyway, masa and i got a lot done. and we had a nice chat too. so that's good, i guess. at least we got things done.

we're gonna have yaoi scenes~ =x that's losse's part though. hahaha. i'm writing the script for the whole thing overall at the moment, so. wanted to have mata come from thailand, then discovered that we'd probably have to speak thai or something. and considering we're already gonna speak japanese in the beginning of the film, that's a bit too much.. haha.

by the way, people.. i'm looking for extras in the film. basically what you have to do is run around, scream/don't scream, kill/get killed, and eventually lie in a pool of blood. or, you could be in the ballroom scene. xD

recruited ian to be kula's 'father' for the shoot. i hope he doesn't start his nonsense. haha.

am up to scene 2 in the script-writing process. gonna continue later. hopefully i can finish at least until we get to scene 8 ba.. haha.

there's still a lot of unanswered questions going around, and i guess we'll have to find a way to answer them all one by one one day. heh.. oh well. who would have thought i'd be writing my own script? sure, the idea's everyone's. but i actually get to write a script~ *love* i guess i've always wanted to write a script, just that last time i didn't have the main ideas, and i usually never finished what i started because i wouldn't have people to act it out even if i finished it anyway. haha.

smsed him but no reply? sian.

okay. shall go work on script now.. haha.
hope everything goes okay.
if i get my way, we'll have the film starting off in an abandoned house.. haha.

starting to sound like a horror film, right? that's basically what the first part is about. it's almost like horror. cool huh. blood and gore..

masa and i have dreams of sending it to merdiacorp or something. maybe they'll show it. maybe hollywood will remake it. wouldn't that be so cool?

ah.. i know it probably won't happen la.

but a girl can dream, right? xD

more stuff

2005-09-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

some more stuff my classmates would love to share with the rest of tpjc(and the world, while we're at it).

this one's written by andrew yeo. last line by varun.

will smith - varun, hilarious
stacie orrico - nadia, the mole ( no offence)
mini me - vanessa, very small
mrs Pierre Bouvier - yijie, always put the same display pic (simple plan lead singer)
travis barker - syafiq, likes blink 182 so much and sing those porno songs
olsen twins - genevia and shu qing, i thought they were twins when i first saw them
kelly osbourne - hidayah, got vulgarities in her phone.. and kelly osbourne always scolds vulgarities
xena - shafirah, righteous
robocop - benjamin, limited words.
nick matthew - kelvin, some squash national player.. anyhow find from the net one.
some celebs doing lips ad - crystal, obvious
mafia - chun hoe, know almost everyone. tp is like his territory
ditto - andrew eng, copy my name
vanessa carlton - yong teck, plays piano well
bill gates - khairul, anyhow bet 50 bucks
doctor - danial, obvious
leonardo da vinci - chloe, well-known artist
bill clinton - andrew yeo, only thinks of gals and affairs

written by varun

reasons y the following ppl wun top the class....

VANNESA SOON:
she does so much of math everyday that she thinks that she onli takes 2 subjects. maths C and F maths.. someone plz remind her that PHYSICS and GP exists..

SYAFIQ:
he thinks that qn is testing his intelligence. so he'll not ans the qn. (e.g the qn that asked about the acceleration of free fall in phy common test. he thought it was stupid of them to ask and left it blank and lost 2-3 marks.)

JUN RONG:
whenever he gets a qn wrong. he'll think he's right and will argue the answer!.. so he'll claim that he'll get 100 .. but.........

Danial:
too many magic steps in his working.. suddenly a constant will disappear and after 2 lines, it'll come back SOMEHOW and.. eventually he'll get the correct ans... but.. danial, ms yeah is not blind when she marks the paper!..

Varun:
V: "Ms yap how will i do for promos?"
MsY. :" *pauses for a while*....... *thinks again*...... FAIL!!!!"

Reasons y these ppl can top the class:

BENJAMIN:
hey, robots can memorise alott of stuff man.. all they need to do is upgrade their memory...

KHAIRUL:
half the time he's not in skool.. he's at home studyin.. dude.. how can he not top?

*damn la.. too lazy to think of more... and once again, this is juz for the sake of entertainment yea.. dun take it to heart. u all have the potential to top the class.............
if u wan to calculate how much potential u possess to top the class, calculate by using:
- (G M / r)

where G is 6.67 * 10^11
M is your weight in kilograms
r is the distance btw ur eyes and ur centre of notes(taking notes as a point mass)...

muse.

2005-09-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

the answers are all there
but i'm afraid to face them
to know the truth
i'm just a coward
hiding behind a mask
pretending everything is fine
when it's not.

and when even the birds have gone
i'll be left clutching the remains
of a broken heart.
hearken; can you hear it shatter?

the silence is deafening.

it's that little pang.
it's that thing i embrace.
it's that thing i hate.
yet it's the only thing that is always there.
no matter when.
no matter where.

it's lonliness.
and it's with me right now.

just musing.. some of the random things i've posted up at sgcafe. =) i'm really glad for the people in the tc thread; they help take my mind off things, they're really fun and we can talk about anything, share problems, joy, whatever.

i'm happy there.

what i really need now is a one-way ticket out of reality.

lol

2005-09-24T18:54:00.000+08:00

wahahahahahahahahaha~

it sounds like the world's biggest joke.
or is it?

or am i just deluding myself?

one more thing. do i look very knowledgeable about relationship stuffs? xD
oh, nevermind me. xD

test test.

2005-09-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

got this from michelle's webpage. can't remember the order i picked the colours, i think it was blue, black, gray, red, purple, yellow, brown, green. or something like that.

website: www.colorgenics.com

must say it's quite accurate. okay, it's very accurate. i do need to scream and cry. soon.

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. You are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

You are presently experiencing excessive stress as a result of self-restraint. You act and think differently from the common herd and you want to be liked and admired for yourself and to associate with people who feel and act as you do. Because of this need to be self-reliant and to break away from mediocrity, you are finding this situation most uncomfortable and you are experiencing considerable anxiety - perhaps even more than you feel the capacity to cope with. You need to find a 'soul mate', someone whose standards are as high as your own - but where? Keep on searching... The situation is uncomfortable and you would like to break away from it, but you refuse to compromise with your opinions. You are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of necessary decisions. You are stubborn but this is no deterrent to a happy life, so why drop your standards. Think positively, everything will work out. It has worked out successfully for you in the past and it will again in the future.

The tensions and stresses that you have experienced of late have been the result of trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond your capabilities. You feel completely inadequate to cope with the situation and you would like nothing better to escape from it all and to be able to relax in a problem and pressure free environment where you can do your thing.

haix

2005-09-23T20:15:00.000+08:00

yes.

i know i haven't been blogging.

and i'm very sorry i've been so depressed these few days. things happening around me have just been making things worse and worse for me. i feel like crumbling.. it's so hard to keep up that cheerful front, you know? it's like, i walk into school these days and i'm like, gee, i have to pretend to be happy/not hurt/not depressed again.. it's so hard.. i don't know how long more i can keep it up.. but.. i don't want to worry the people around me.. that's why i still keep on smiling even though deep inside of me, i really want to cry.. even though i may seem not to care, it's cutting me deep.. very deep..

wo de nao hai li, yi zhi you ni de hui yi, jiao wo bu xiang qi ni, shi bu ke neng de shi qing.. ni ke yi bu ai wo, ke shi ni neng rang wo ai ni ma?

i know it's useless clinging on.. but something in me doesn't want to let go.. i don't know.. i know i should just let it pass.. try to forget.. try to be the truly happy person i once was..

i don't know anymore..

i really feel like crying.. but somehow the tears won't come.. and not for the first time too.. sigh.

okay, what's been going on in my life other than the really sad stuff(which i will make great effort to forget)?

monday - nothing. except that.

tuesday - went to meet peter! finally that guy got a day off from work! haha..

met him at 3, at city hall. i'm supposed to be on a diet and he fed me a waffle =x oh well. =) reminds me of him. =( sigh. okay forget that. anyway.. he's getting married this coming june! congratulations to peter and nicole!

hehee..

sigh..

did that sound very fake?

it felt fake to me.

wednesday - didn't do much. it was chinese paper day. went home after that. lalala.

thursday - did what i usually do. slept in the band room. then there was a commotion.. xD

a post i made at sgcafe..

went to sleep about 9.30..
at 11.30, someone opened the band room door.. and asked: "anyone in here?"
i heard, sat up and said: "yeah?"
the guy started screaming: "ahhhhhh~~~ GHOST!!!!"
=x
the door closed.. soon someone else came to open it again.
"hello?"
me(still abit sleepy) "yeah? who's that?"
"chong hui's friends. he said we could come. can we come in?"
"oh. yeah. sure."

then they recognised me from the other time they came in when i was sleeping. hahahahaha

then chong hui came in and was like, "why you scream into my ear about ghost?"
apparently he was on the phone with one of the guys when they screamed about me being a 'ghost'.. lol.

we plotted ways to kill ms yap.

she was saying how she wanted to jump down from the second story window when someone answered her: "immoral" to a question she asked. xD

i was kinda blur, so i said: "go up one more floor la.."
whereas shafiq said: "go ahead. jump."

i'm freaking pissed.

posted this in the sgcafe forum again.. no prizes for guessing who the jerk in question is.

because this chem teacher wanted to talk to us regarding our horrible remedial attendance..
then she asked us to write out 'reflections'.. how we are gonna revise, our aims, etc..
then that guy said he had pw meeting, so he talk to the teacher first because she want to talk to us individually.
and guess what. he spent 45mins arguing with the teacher.
he doesn't understand if you want someone to shut up, just make them happy, say yes or something??
and then he left the classroom when he was done.
five minutes later he came back.
what happen to the meeting sia.

and the teacher only spoke to me for about 10 seconds because i said i already started revision la.
what the hell.
make me stay back listen to him argue with the teacher
only to speak to the teacher for 10 sec.
gah.
so pissed off la..

and yes i'm still very mad at him.

okay nevermind.

today.. well.

had a talk of sorts with jocelyn. found out erm stuff. xD

chong hui wanted to ask me something just, but he decided against it. gee. wonder what he wanted to ask boy. xD

shall let off some steam at the sgcafe forum.

pissed. pissed. pissed.

and very very sad.

as said by varun.

2005-09-22T20:18:00.000+08:00

who can laugh the heads out and gets super duper red? chloe

who will do anything juz to prove himself right? junrong

who always gets molested in class? syafiq

who thinks of nothing but copulation and girls? andrew yeo

who is roasted and laughs like a crazy hyena? nadia

who smells nothing but gunpowder? jian shun

who onli knows how to smile and has features of la-la(teletubbies)? shu qing

who has a mouth but never opens.. and looks depressed everyday? genevia

who is the EX-daytona champion? yijie.....(i won her haha..)

who has vulgarities in his/her handphone? hidayah

who studies every minute in skool ? shafiraton

who is stuck in the worst ever PW group ? chui yan

who goes "like-this" when trying to xplain an ans? benjamin

who has the wettest lips in class? crystal

who can't live w/o wax? chun hoe

who think he/she is a black horse? andrew eng

who spends money liek no one business, rarely played squash in sec skool but come tpjc trash the seniors like no one business again? kelvin tay

who likes to eat red bean soup? yong teck

whose middle name is sinecosine? vanessa

who is going to india forveer this coming holidays for losing a bet? varun

who likes to talk but takes no action? khairul

who looks like a good man but flirts like a pimp? danial

who is ms yap's fav student and will confirm pass in pw? nathasha

it's gp, okay? xD

why?

2005-09-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

why am i the one who is always hurting people?
i never meant to hurt you. never. but why is it that everything i do, hurts you and me more and more?
perhaps it was better had i not said anything at all..
perhaps it would be better if i didn't exist.
i've thought a lot about it..
maybe we should just go our seperate ways..
because i don't want to hurt you further.

yes, i feel like crying.
but so what?
i'm really at a loss..
i don't know what to do anymore.

metal frameworks left to rust
diamonds ground into the dust
watch blood turn the sand to red
soon, now, the heart is dead.

i only feel like crying..
because i've forgotten how to.

i don't know what to say..
what to do.
i'm sorry i've caused this mess..
this pain. this grief.

maybe i should just disappear.

no title.

2005-09-18T08:59:00.000+08:00

*forced laugh*

it makes me wonder where i've gone wrong.

mata's farewell

2005-09-17T09:04:00.000+08:00

well.. what can i say.. last night was a blast.. =)

i originally intended to meet vera at tm to hang out.. and at the last possible minute yesterday, around 5pm, i changed my plans and headed out to marina bay for matashiki's farewell.

with the cow messaging me all the way. *feels loved* haha..

when i reached marina bay.. well. you'd think matashiki himself would be there.. but the place was pretty much empty.. and i was 10mins late already. until i spotted masa and usagi in a corner. and went to join them..

masa told me that mata, takumi, aries, aries' friend and kazu were at aries' place watching a movie.. at 6.11pm.. when we were supposed to meet at 6.. gee..

okay i wanna say a lot of things right now but i guess i shouldn't.. after all.. it's past.. =) and we still had a great time in the end..

soon, kula, dark prince and angel came.. usagi went to find moomoo..

7 of us went to the steamboat place first.. then we had some problems with the other group coming down from aries' place..

vera came, and she brought derrick. =)

when we finally got down to eating, it was 8+..

okay i say now.. the cow can cook! scary right. i'm a proper human and i can't cook. =x haha.. and apparently he can drive too.

kazu said..
"moomoo drive right, then suddently to the right he see chio bu, then he reach over to the left and grab his camera to take photo.. that's when the car will crash.."
to which moomoo replied..
"i can one eye take photo one eye watch the road.."

O_o

the steamboat.. i wouldn't say it was fantastic, but anything's good when you have the company of good friends..

vera darling.. masamune.. kula-chan.. matashiki.. dark prince.. usagi-san.. takumi.. aries-chan.. angel.. moomoo(how to forget the multi-talented cow xD).. kazu..

you guys are love~

yup.. angel went around feeding everyone.. moomoo brought strawberries!! *love love* haha.. =)

it was a great day.. not likely one i'll forget.. thanks for the memories guys..

there's no way you can put a price tag on friendship.. even if you did, the tag would read: "priceless".. because my friends are priceless to me.. and nothing, not even a good book, can replace the friendship i share with these people, whom i've known for only one month or so. the best times of my life.. =)

every friendship's a miracle.

i love all of you~~ *huggles*

so sad that i had to leave at 9pm.. vera and derrick left with me.

yup. and then i came home.

matashiki: i hope you manage to read this before you leave for malaysia.. take good care of yourself over there.. do well for your driving test ^_^ and don't forget to come back soon! we'll miss our butler! xD

till we meet again, friend. =)

oh yes. and seven people owe me money. xD hahaha~!

that's all, i'm still feeling pretty tired from last night.. wish i could have stayed later..

hmm.. meeting natalie-jie at 11.15! yay!! haha..

nat-jie.. i miss you, i'll see you later!! *hugs*

2005-09-15T22:02:00.000+08:00

kena tagged by losse. oh well. xD

List seven of your favorite songs of the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process.

- She's A Rebel
- Extrodinary Girl
- Dou Jiang You Tiao
- Boluvard Of Broken Dreams
- Jie Kou
- Tong Hua
- I'm Just A Kid

Tagged:
matashiki~ xD (because losse already tagged masa haha)
guanyu~
michelle~
feline~
yeekiat~ (just because you're crazy nyah~)
natalie-jie~
mazlinah!~

there.. done. xP

i'm back.

2005-09-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

yah, i know very long never blog le.

so let's see what's been happening in my drull, everyday life. xD

sunday
morning i went to church.. then went to meet vera and derrick for the wcg/cosplay competition held at suntec! hehee. vera was in her 13cm boots @_@ i took one look at her and was like, "you're too tall." haha! we were teasing derrick because he couldn't remember what he had for breakfast xD

went and looked for masa. ran into the cow on the way to the backstage.

pacifica, aries, and rii were there, with phelios. mata and takumi came a little later. kula came too.. haha. the happy bunch that we were near the backstage of the exhibition hall.

when masa went onstage, me, pacifica, aries and rii were screaming for him.. ^_^" i think masa was one of the very few who had screaming fangirls. xD

voted many many many times for masa. *scowls* before i left with rii at 3, i told masa, "you'd better win, because if you lose, i'm overthrowing you."
to which he responded, "and what if i do win?"
"...i'm already your personal assistant. what more do you want man." xD

i was supposed to meet yogendran at 3 at the esplanade for the gamelan concert. we ended up meeting at 3.20. ._. so we ended up half an hour late for concert.

when we finally go in, got settled, and listened to two pieces of music..

emcee: "thank you for attending today's concert. we'll see you again next month."

what?? we sat in there for only half an hour!!

okay, so we got up and left. we walked todards seven-eleven en route to suntec. on the way, we kinda talked about some stuffs.. and then he went home, and i went to suntec(again).

we had lots of fun acting crazy and stuff at the back. haha! by that time vera had left already.. sigh.

hmm, someone asked me to be masa's partner for elemental gerard(sp?) next year.. not sure whether eoy or cosfest. looking forward!! *loves*

losse and i are going to overthrow masa. because! he didn't win the competition!! haha!

had a scare.. masa thought he lost his phone.. *bishes*

originally intended to go for dinner with them, but it ended up too late, so i went home..

[deviation: the marshmallows in rockyroad ice cream are love.]

monday
school reopen liao.. T_T

school was okay la.. haha. yogendran gave me an answer to my question during chem lecture..

i can't say i'm not upset because i'd be lying.
but i respect your decision.
just.. tell me if you change your mind.

i'll be waiting.

spent the day in the band room/library.. yup. ran into grace on the first floor, she said someone offended her.. then i went into the band room.. chong hui was there.. said hi to him and he dao-ed me. okay.

tuesday
had lessons.. they were okay la.

after school, went to the band room and slept behind the marimba.. with the air conditioning on, and the fan.. plus the pillow and mazlinah's emilie.. haha.. i managed to fall asleep.. for about half an hour..

this teacher came in twice to take away the cones in the band room.. wonder why he didn't wonder why the band room was open with supposedly no one inside.. because i only switched on one light.. when he first came him, i only heard him on his way out.. then because i wasn't wearing my specs, so all i saw was this white figure.. O_o haha..

kiong wee came in after his physics paper.. then grace came soon after.. when grace came, she went, "i can't remember the songs dr lee said he wants to play for tune-in~~~~~~~~~~~" and i was like, "okay, i'm awake." xD

we know she's playing "can't take my eyes off you" and "can't help falling in love with you" for open house for a reason. xD haha!

went to the library at 6, then to the waffle shop with genevia and danial. then i went to punggol to meet miwitch and pay for the coffin-shaped handbag that i'm getting vera for her birthday.. expensive lei.. haha.. you better appreciate it, girl! derrick's not the only one spending cash on you! xD

wednesday, i.e. today
today was okay.

haha.. didn't do much la. came home straight after school(after 'locking' genevia and danial in the classroom.. haha)..

so here i am. i'm tired. very tired.

i want tomorrow to be over soon. because thursdays suck. sigh.

some entertainment for you all? be right back as i go get my ipod.

taken from masamune~

Go to your Winamp (or any media player) and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What do you think of me, Winamp? Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz

erm.. O_o? okay.. i feel good? xD

Will I have a happy life? Luan Wu Chun Qiu - Jay Chou

now this one, i really don't get. because honestly, the rap's so fast i don't get the words. =x and they speak funny too. gee.

What do my friends really think of me? Homecoming / The Death of St. Jimmy/ East 12th St. / Nobody Likes You /Rock and Roll Girlfriend / We're Coming Home Again - Greenday

erm, many different views, eh? ooookay. maybe i change too fast. hyper to rebellious to moody to happy to whatever. heh.

Do people secretly lust after me? Dang Wo Men Tong Zai Yi Qi - Various Artists

i'll take that as a yes? haha

What does [insert significant other] think of me? Lao Shu Ai Da Mi - Au Mei Mei

really. haha.. i wish he realised it. xD *lovelove*

How can I make myself happy? Tian Leng Jiu Huai Lai - Vaious Artists

erm. i'm supposed to go back home when it's cold? haha. okay.

What should I do with my life? Bie Tai Wen Rou - Various Artists

i shouldn't be too gentle/giving? hmm. gee. and i thought i'd like to learn to love everyone. haha!

Why must life be so full of pain? Zhi Zhan Zhi Shang - Jay Chou

no, i don't get this one either. sigh.

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex? Lian Ai Da Wen - Various Artists

lol, by looking for the right person and for true love? and by flirting? heh. right.

Will I ever have children? Dou Jiang You Tiao - Lin Jun Jie

haha.. i think it's yes, i'll find true love, but i'm not sure about the children part <_<

Will I die happy? Whatshername - Green Day

i'll die missing someone? gee. thanks.

Can you give me some advice? Bolevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

okay. i'm gonna be rather lonely, huh.

Do you know where your children are? Dang Ni Gu Dan Ni Hui Xiang Qi Shui - Various Artists

hmm. chasing the ones they love. go them! haha.

What do you think happiness is? Letterbomb - Green Day

happiness is rebelling? okay.

What's your favourite fetish? She's A Rebel - Green Day

being a rebel? hell yeah. hahaha!

gee, thanks, ipod fortune-teller.

the multiple purposes of an ipod. yay.

and yes, now you know i have many green day songs. love! haha.

byebye.

ladida

2005-09-10T10:48:00.000+08:00

spamming at tcss is fun.

well.. i don't know. feel rather moody today. maybe it's because i'm not going out today. maybe it's because of the stuff we talked about two days ago.

not everything is a joke.

sometimes, just wanna scream. i really miss the beach.

i had a whole week's break and not one single day did i spend at the beach.

i suck man. =(

i don't know anymore..
sigh.

why?

2005-09-09T16:23:00.001+08:00

yes, today i shall address the issue of why people keep spelling my name wrongly!

*everyone claps*

*slaps self* okay, lame. but still.

i remember waybackwhen i was still in primary school. (yeah, everything started from there). wah, so many mutations to my name sia.

nathasha, natasha, na dao sha, na dou sa, etcetc, all the lame nicknames a young child could every imagine. gah. okay. so fine.

secondary school. you'd think these people were slightly more intelligent. guess what. i was wrong.

nathasha, natasha, nathasa. natalie, even. i remember this really irritating substitute math teacher i had in secondary 2 who, despite my constant reminders that my name was nathasha, kept calling me natalie, until i had no heart to correct the guy. >_< then, the shortening of my name. nat, nut, nutty. etc etc. the list goes on.

and when i come to jc lei..

wah. i felt like i was re-living my primary school days lei.

kiong wee actually called me by one of the nicknames those irritating boys back in primary school used to call me. *$%#&@, one more time and i'd show him the meaning of "na dao sha"(literally, take knife and kill).

ne~ *whines* *slaps self*

haha, and then, my screen names. i've had too many to count. my first was morphobia~ such a dear name. xD which gradually got shortened into morphy, and morph. =x then there was janiria shadowsong, dalwen snowpaw, jacinthia, sicant, silver(erika silverstar! *huggles*), eaglefeather, and the most recent, sayuki.

okay. fine. woanrong pointed out to me that i "left out an 'i'". well, it wasn't intentional, the name popped into my head, and i didn't know it was close to "saiyuji", or "journey to the west". methinks me should have kept that japanese name my friend gave me waybackwhen. i can't even remember it. sigh.

yep. so now, people call me sayuji, saiyuki. i've even had phelios call me saiyuji. o_O

please stop mutating my name! *runs to corner and cries*

okay. on a different note, i wanna thank vera and derrick for their support.. *chuckles* especially vera. i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for you.

writing.. you influenced me.(although i didn't catch on to the whole "death" thing.. xD)
cosplaying.. you influenced me too. by bringing me to cosfest 05.

basically, you've been a huge influence on my life, so don't be suprised if i take up GL next. it'll be your fault. xD

i'm thankful that throughout all these years, our friendship has held strong.. and i believe it will remain strong throughout the rest of our lives. ^_^

haha, recesses. i miss those times. four of us from different classes, meeting every single recess. people didn't believe me when i told them xD I MISS MY SECONDARY SCHOOL DAYS!

i miss bugging the mep teachers through the window =)
i miss acting as the center divider in the middle of a busy road(!!). hehee.
i miss recesses. i miss after-school gatherings.
i miss shopping. with you, mich and hfang. xD

i miss them all. =(

but! we'll get together again one day right? hehee. can't wait.

sigh.

maybe one day, everything will be okay, but till then i'll be wrapped in my fears, drowning in my tears..

i just need you.

i hope everything will turn out fine. it's a big risk i'm taking, gambling with our friendship in hopes of something more..

but i guess you'll never know if you don't try.. and.. well..

i can't find the words to say what i want to say. ._. sigh.

hur.

2005-09-09T07:48:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired..

yesterday, went out with vera darling! ^_^ went to orchard to do some routine window-shopping.. i'm not gonna wear those shoes out again, my feet hurt =( okay anyway. been so long since i last spent good quality time with her. like most of the time there's derrick with her la. haha, i'm not complaining.

i'm glad you guys are okay. i knew you'd come out of this stronger. =D

but this sunday wcg.. haha. someone gonna get ahurt real bad, eh. hope that doesn't happen la, of course. xD

bought new earrings yesterday.. pretty white ones. now i finally have some cross accessory haha! was thinking of getting the cross pendant from "passion of the christ"(the movie) but $20!! >_<; oh well.

last night had a sort-of talk with yogendran.. sigh.

you just don't get it sometimes, do you?
not everything i say is a joke.
not everything you say is serious.
where does that leave us?

sigh.

went down to beads.etc yesterday too, but unfortunately i couldn't find anything i wanted.. gee. oh well. it's okay la, i guess. haha.

gah.
don't know waht to think.

thanks arh.
you know what i mean.
don't act blur can.
=(
i'm not saying you're acting la.
but..
i don't know la.
=(

well.. hope this sunday wcg + concert will be a better day?

i hope so.

i hope i hope i hope.

sigh.

moomoo, if you're here, tag my board la can. xD

hm.

2005-09-07T13:37:00.000+08:00

trying out the uploading feature of blogger.. hmm.

pretty, aren't they. just some of the beads from my collection.. hope to use them in the near future. thinking of using them for the v.a. people if they need them.

thinking of getting more black beads, though, and crosses/cruxes if i can find any. wanna make some danglies! hehee. hmm. i want to know where the other side of my purple earring went, though.. i miss it loads. sigh.

wanna head down to hereen to get more beads. but somehow it seems, no time.. sighs.

vera darling, be strong! if he loves you, he'll accept that cosplaying is part of you, okie? i know t is causing some trouble for you guys right now but you're gonna pull through this fine, okay? yeah, we all know that t's a rather extreme case of fanboy, but yeah. can't really help it right? if he's worried, then get him to come down with you this sunday. seriously.

i love you, vera! ^_^ smile! you'll get through this with him.

gee.

2005-09-07T09:59:00.000+08:00

there seems to be some rising animosity between jason(iamacow) and charles(pheliosstar). i wonder why.

okay, for lack of a better place to organise all the stuff that's going on.

so far
-sephia + friends
-masa
-sayuki + friend
-kagari
-moomoo
-takumi
-ringo
-raziel
-freak0ut
-aries
-losse
are going to WCG on sunday.

people who are confirmed for the videoshoot + roles:
-masamune: king
-kula: queen
-matashiki: butler
-angel: princess
-raziel: lady-in-waiting to princess
-freak0ut: librarian
-pacifica_yuki: maid
-sayuki: masamune's personal assistant
-losse: marchioness
-ringo: vampire hunter hunter
-aki: vampire hunter hunter
-vic: vampire hunter hunter
-eli: vampire hunter
-shigure: vampire hunter
-skye: vampire hunter
-luel: vampire hunter
-kaya: vampire child
-nakuru: vampire child
-aries: nanny to nakuru and kaya

pending:
-sephia
-martianunicorn
-hiyuki
-kaishou
-crucifixation
-witch_cat
-youko
-mirage_cld
-deypherus
-ronin

photogs/floaters:
-moomoo
-phelios
-takumi

gee. i hope i got everyone. later moomoo not happy with me again. sigh.

i get confused sometimes, too.

upcoming WCG

2005-09-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

masamune's taking part in the cosplay competition this sunday, 11th september, at suntec city.

v.a. gang, what say we go down there together and support him?? haha!

well, today i went down to my aunt's place.. was quite an okay day i guess?

getting earrings from michelle j. tan! hehee. she has pretty neat stuff. ^_^

haha, moomoo says i'm gonna overthrow masamune soon. xD

this post was brought to you by randomness.

going to school tomorrow? i wanna see you. <3

just some thoughts.

2005-09-05T16:11:00.000+08:00

actually, i'm pretty happy with the way things are right now.
but somehow i want more.
does that make me needy?
sigh.
i don't know how to express what i'm experiencing.
i keep wanting to tell you
but somehow no chance sia.
maybe i missed that chance.
that day.
while we sat in the canteen.
i guess i should have said something
huh.
but i didn't.
yeah.
what's new.
i do all the wrong things at all the wrong times.
hope.
i can tell you.
sigh.
i don't know man.
just hope you feel the same way.
afraid to try?
maybe.
afraid of rejection?
definitely.

i just want to hold you close.
<3
and i mean it.

V.A. no, not Volumetric Analysis la.

2005-09-05T14:09:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i met vera and nakuru at eunos after church. where were we going, you ask.

to plaza singapura, i say.

what for? for the v.a. meeting!! note: i'm just too lazy to type out the whole "vampires anonymous" la. xD

we were supposed to meet the rest at 2pm at starbucks, but when we reached........

empty.

heh. some of the guys were at the arcade, and we ran into others at the main entrance. freakout, himu, kaya, matashiki, takumi, pheliosstar, kula, luel, pacifica, skye, losse, vic, aries, and sephia were there.

wait, we're missing someone important right.....?

that's right. we're missing king masamune. >_<"

we went to burger king to eat, then mata informed us that masa was still at home, and probably wouldn't be down till two hours later. gee. so, out of pure boredom, we came up with a list of reasons why we should have a rebellion and overthrow masa. xD during this time, some of the others wandered off to the arcade. we went to look for them once we were done with the list.

and para-ed! we basically spent our time there para-ing. hehe. masa was there already, and i think the way he dances is scary. all those hard, accentuated, forceful movements. =x oh well. hehee. moomoo came too! he made the mistake of being mean to vic's bear, and we chased him around the arcade, finally stopping when phelios held out an arm in front of him. xD

while the rest continued to para, me, raziel, kula and moomoo went to kfc.. to eat.. again. ^_^

finally, the whole gang moved up from the arcade to bk. again. where we sat down and got back to business.

yup, i morphed into masa's secretary again. heh. so now, for the v.a. project, i'm playing masa's secretary/personal assistant too. lol.

today, phelios asked me to send all the stuff we had done to pacifica. so i guess i really am the secretary, huh. oh well.

school holidays don't feel like holidays. i don't know why.

i wrote out my profile for the v.a. project today. that's the closest i've come to writing something substential for the whole year. seriously.

gah.

where have my creative brain cells gone.

zapped dead by the jc virus, i guess.

sigh.

vision, planning, action, assessment.

2005-09-03T17:32:00.000+08:00

yup.. that's what dr lee was drilling into our heads the whole 7+ hours we were at acsi.

friday was a typical school day. fmath lessons, fmaths lecture(on mechanics.. yuck), and chinese lesson.. luckily the teacher didn't ask me to do the chinese composition during the holidays.. hehee. then after school, went to the band room.

went to sit in the canteen with yogendran for a while. it was raining and we were just talking about all sorts of random stuffs. then we went back to the band room. jessica left with yogendran(who conveniently left his mp3 player behind so i had to run up and get it for him >_<), and chong hui left his mp3 player in the band room too. tsk. forgetful sia. okay, at least better than me, i can leave my blouse in the band room >_<

stayed in the room with mag and daphne. mr lim came, and the four of us talked for a bit.

i want to say this here and now - if any of the acsi boys want to fight with us for accommodation or whatever during the hawaii trip, i will fight with them till the end and make them suffer!

and i mean it.

mr lim left(he was kinda miffed that acsi was going to hawaii too), and some of mag's classmates came. got me to teach one of them drums, then play the sax along to the song "wake me up when september ends". multi-talented? i think not. more like the jack(nat?) of all trades but master of none. xD

then sujin came. went up to the library to look for grace. went back to the band room, then took out my stuff and slacked outside with yeekiat, grace and mr lim. around 7pm the first alumni members started coming.

yeekiat was playing with mr lim's phone. we took a picture of ourselves and set it as his wallpaper! xD hehee. mr lim didn't say anything haha.

then, around 8pm, we left school, ran into dr lee on the way. then i went home. i think yeekiat went for dinner.

<-----break----->

celine dion
because you loved me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch
the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm greatful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved
by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love
into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because
of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

<-----end break----->

saturday, i.e. today. i set my alarm for 6.30am. but exactly half an hour before my alarm rang, i was awoken. why? because yogendran sms-ed me. eh. not the first time already ah. tsk. exactly half an hour both times too. gee. and i thought i could sleep in. *rolls eyes* haha.

left home around 7.30. was supposed to meet marcus at tampines at 7.45, but he was late, so i went to meet chong hui at buona vista. then we waited for marcus. we were supposed to be at acsi at 9am. but we reached at 9.35! and farhan was waiting for us at acsi. luckily, dr lee only came around 9.30. so it wasn't too bad. the whole acsi group was later than us! =x

overall, quite an okay session. during lunch hour, we kept bugging marcus to call dr lee, because it was raining and we wanted to go out to eat. finally marcus called, but he kept pushing the phone to chong hui, who didn't want to talk to dr lee either. heh. so i took the phone only to hear the loud voice of dr lee say, "marcus, is that you?!"

me: dr lee, can give us a lift out of school for lunch?
dr lee: can, you all wait for me.
me: thanks! *watches marcus and chong hui grin*
dr lee: eh, how come you all don't go and eat in the canteen? it's open what. the food also not that bad.
me: don't want la.. *marcus and chong hui immediately go "want, want!!"*
dr lee: okay. wait ar.
me: kay.

marcus and chong hui were going "want, want" because they thought dr lee said he'd treat us and i was turning him down. xD do i look that stupid or what man. haha.

dr lee emerged and went, "oh, raining huh. no wonder want me to drive." we couldn't stop laughing. dr lee then said, "you guys are treating me to lunch. who's buying me lunch?" and we immediately pointed at farhan. haha!

we went to some coffeeshop. food was okay. dr lee was talking a lot. haha. saying someone called him a psycho. heh. and also about acsi going to hawaii. he was quite suprised i knew about it(inside information xD). then we went back to acsi to continue with the training session.

marcus left halfway. marcus, i'm really sorry about your grandmother. hope you're all right.

went home with chong hui and farhan.

happiness! can you see me bouncing around right about now? no? hehee.

lalalalalala~~~

v.a. meeting tomorrow! hehee. meeting vera and nakuru first. ^___^ yay.

*bounces*

teacher's day holiday.

2005-09-01T13:32:00.000+08:00

"Close your eyes and let your memories embrace you"

In your past, (whether it be as a child, a certain relationship with someone or just a specific timeperiod) you found happiness. Now, however, you have lost it, and wish desperatly to go back and relive it all. Because you focus too much on what has already happened, you have a problem with the future and don't really wish to go there. You have mourned this loss for quite some time now, and are too used to it to let the familarity go. This situation is making you frustrated, because you can't do anything about it, but you remain unwilling to release
your memories.

What is Your Phrase? [for darker people]
brought to you by Quizilla

indeed.

monday was a usual boring day.

ditto for tuesday. maybe it was a little better. i realised i have an obsession. okay, so not really obsession.

but.
is it what i think it is?

tuesday was also the day i began to fall sick.

wednesday.
i woke up with a fever of 38.6 and a very bad flu.

wednesday was also piano exam day. went back to tk and saw the teachers before they left for their 'high tea'. xD saw shi wei too. he keeps wanting to know what the students(or 'xiao mei mei's, as he puts it) have been saying about him. and not to believe his mom's version of what's been happening to him during his short teaching career in tkg. haha. 'twas nice to have someone to hang around with once i got bored of bugging ms sim and ms ee all the time. haha.

piano exam was okay. a few hiccups here and there.
sight reading's a gone case.
screwed up my sixth apart.
but hey. what's new.

by the way, thanks for caring. ^_^

slept around 8.30. sorry, too tired. and sick. i think my fever got better once i sweat it out at tkg. the heat from the hall.. whoosh! hot! haha. well.

today, i'm all better. i hope i don't fall sick again. it makes me feel like mush. =x

happy teachers' day.

should i sms him?
nah, he's probably enjoying the break himself.

vampires..

2005-08-28T12:38:00.000+08:00

ah, yah. i know i very long never blog le. got at least six days. haha.

okay. actually nothing much happened during the week, was quite boring. on friday, went to the geyao performance.. natalie was great. haha.. overall better than i expected =x haha.

in the band room before that, me and yogi were like just smsing each other even though we were both in the band room.. sigh. i'm glad that we could resolve that issue.. makes me feel stupid you know.. i don't know why lah, but i guess that's just the way i am. glad that it's over.

sigh. but i'm happy now. knowing that we're talking again.

saturday.. went to acs(i) again. quite fun la. dr lee made us play this game that we had to interact with the other acjc people.. haha. i was practically bouncing around. =x so much energy. have o go back again next week for sm training. anyone have a tuner to lend me? haha.

we went for lunch after, then i went to the mrt station with marcus toh. went to clarke quay. thought i was really early.. was having meeting for our project. what project? our vampires anonymous project. hehee. even though i thought i was early, masa, pheliostar and angel were there already.. O_o

sat around and waited for the rest.. kula and mata came, aki, ringo, jason(iamacow), and losse came. went to macs where we ate, then got to work on backgrounds, clothes, designs. and, of course, phototaking. hehee.

i was basically masa's secretary. hah.

after that, went to take a look at some dollfies.. they're really pretty! but unfortunately the shop was closed. mata was having some problems.. then we went to take photos. haha. the strange things those people do. i love them already.

had solo shots taken. i think i've got some nice ones, but i think jason's pics will tuen out nicer.. and they even took my photo, even though i was in the oversized band tee and jeans.. lol. can't wait to see the photos. hmm.

think things went pretty well.. heard they want weekly meetings now but i don't think i can make it on a weekly basis.. and we should start earlier! haha.

soon shall go scout out places for photoshoot.. hehee.

this project is gonna rock.

i'm thinking of a design.. actually already got one in my head.. but i can't draw it out.. i can't even draw stick figures to save my life. so yeah.

shall see how. maybe will make costume and join the vampire family. whee.

promos.

2005-08-23T17:58:00.000+08:00

what's that? yeah. sure. okay. fine.

happy birthday, yogi.
i know you'll see this. haha.

i don't like saying 'yogi'. it's just not natural. so sue me, but i like calling yogendran by his full name. hell, maybe i'll just throw in the rest of his name for fun. xD no, don't kill me.

why do i have papers on everysinglefkingday for the promos? except the last day, 10th oct i think. oh yeah thanks arh. like that makes a huge difference right. sigh. can't we have like. physics on one day instead of gp in the morning and physics in the afternoon. people like me would like to study. gah. anyway. here's how it looks like..

21st sept - 1.30pm - chinese papers
3rd oct - 8.00am - gp
3rd oct - 1.00pm - physics 2
4th oct - 8.00am - chemistry
5th oct - 8.00am - maths c
6th oct - 8.00am - f maths
7th oct - 8.00am - physics 1

it's so fun, because physics 1 is like, 40mins long. i'm only going to school for forty minutes. yay. and chem has one paper while physics has two papers. how interesting.

at least i get a long weekend. no papers 10th oct! yay! *hintcancelebratemybirthdaylolhint*

saturday, went to acs(i). it was okay(the training session i mean).. yogendran kept smsing me about concerts and the hawaii pieces. which reminds me, he hasn't yet told me when the nus conservatory concert is. the $6(or so he says) one. oi want to go or not?? *glares at yogendran* went to pizza hut for lunch with joce, mag, amanda, daph, yan leng, kassyn, azfar, farhan, marcus toh, and chong hui. the guys and 1 were at one table, and the rest of the girls at the next. can you imagine the five of us(me, chong hui, azfar, farhan and marcus toh) ate food which was probably more than enough for six people? haha.

we had
- hawaiian stuffed crust pizza(hawaii here we come lol)
- chicken supreme pizza
- baked rice with sausage(i think?)
- some random baked pasta
- a platter of stuff like onion rings, squid rings, blah.
- soup(for six people! and chong hui still went back for more =x)
- two giant jugs of pepsi.

the only thing we didn't finish was the pepsi. everything else was clean. yummy.

sunday, went to church in the morning, then went to meet shafira, nadia and chloe for gp project. we got more done in kfc than we did in the national library. gee. ended up taking photos with chloe's phone.

monday.. went school quite late because of my brother.. didn't get much done in the morning, but managed to do quite a bit inbetween lessons.. managed to finish my fmaths homework! lol. like that's a miracle right. haha. genevia and i spent the day teasing danial and well, what can i say. he's just not able to out-talk us. i wasn't in debate for nothing, you know. xD

today.. went school slightly earlier.. sujin opened the band room, but it was so hot inside i decided to do my work outside.. soon after sujin also came out of the room to sleep.. haha..

lessons were okay, the physics lecture test is a gone case. haha. wished yogendran happy birthday before the paper. i want to drop physics!!! but i can't.. my combination doesn't allow me that luxury.

went to the band room after school, studied by myself for about three hours. i can't study by myself, i'll get distracted! seriously. you're probably thinking, what's there to distract me, i'm by myself! but i couldn't concentrate.. sigh. i get more done when i'm sitting opposite woanrong/next to yeekiat and they're studying. gah. anyway, managed to finish alkanes.. started on alkenes.. my tutor hasn't even done alkanes yet and i'm finishing up on alkenes already. gee. oh well.

and here i am. i think my piano teach's supposed to come, but.. sigh.

please stop demoralising us. we hate you enough.

blog blog blog..

2005-08-19T18:17:00.000+08:00

don't make promises you can't keep. seriously.

wednesday.. can't really remember what i did lol.

i remember not going for chem remedial after school on thursday(and considering the time i end and the time it starts, it's likely i'd end up sitting on the stairs anyway). oh yes and me and genevia were really happy poking fun at danial. poor dear. so i went to the band room after school to sleep/do alkenes/practice tuba/wait for yogi, who actually attended the chem remedial. -_-" practiced until about 6.40 after yogi came, then locked up and went home. ran into mag and daph on the way out of school.

mag, stop getting ideas.

tired thursday night..

friday, i.e. today.. went to school.. opened the band room in the morning.. why? because yesterday, after changing into my faculty tee, i left my blouse in the band room.. -_-" so stupid.. so i went to change into my blouse.. the usual morning crowd was around.. sujin was very happy when i took out the band room keys.. haha. switched on the air conditioning, left it on the whole day(school pay electricity bill ma).. practiced more on the tuba.. need to practice.. otherwise i will lose my tone. tried out terrence's instrument today.. because mag wants to use julian's. at first i wanted to keep the yamaha, but mag said that we should both change instruments together.. dots.. so okay.

the instrument right. wahlao.
1) the place where you put the mouthpiece.. there's a strip of metal connecting that part to the side of the bell.. it's completely broken.. mag said send for repair =x
2) the first valve can't be opened. wonder how terrence oiled his valve. dots.
3) it's really really dirty. daphne, i place an order for silver cloths!!!

haha.. but one good thing.. after playing so much bassoon and bass clarinet.. i can pitch my high notes on the tuba slightly easier now.. haha. but my low notes are still very sad.. =(

after that.. went for lunch with kiong wee, kwang liang and julian.. then me, kiong wee and julian went lan-gaming..

dots. one of my worst days ever.. haha.. maybe because not playing with other band people.. other people more pro ma.. haha.. got trashed fullstop.

quite sad.. because this may be the last time i can sit with them at the same table and listen to them talk crap.. it's the most entertaining part of my school life, seriously. just listening to them talk. all the nonsense about the seventh month, zombies, ghosts, blah blah.. the nonsense goes on.. haha.. yeah. sigh. i'm gonna miss that feeling..

well.. time to put away the past and look forward to the future i guess??

on my way home, wanted to drop at school and go pop in on the clarinet ensomble practice.. but decided against it in the end.

forgot to bring back that book!! that book that dr lee gave us for the band admin training thingy thingy thingy~~~!!!!!

i called marcus, asked him to ask yogi to open my locker(because only he knows which is my locker), and help me bring the book tomorrow.. gee.. i remember reminding myself to bring it home.. haha.

tomorrow, going to acs(i).. so far away.. sheesh. meeting at eunos mrt station at 7.45 am leh!! so early!! then i'll have to wake up at 6, leave the house at 6.45.. gee. oh well.

the price one pays for wanting to be in the committee.

but i couldn't just be a passive by-stander anymore.. if you know what i mean.

jc's really changed me, huh.

bleagh.

2005-08-16T17:52:00.000+08:00

everyone seems to be pining for someone or another. gee.

why huh?

today was okay. same as always. nothing new.

wrote a huge amount of crap on the table in lt1 during physics make-up tutorial. i know they're going to clean the tables soon but who cares? had to get it out of the way. haha.

yogi's going to kill me. i wrote all the answers to the questions on electric field all over his notes. in tiny, miniscule handwriting in contrast to his gigantic one. haha! i think he's going to have to read it with a magnifying glass.. =x

right. feeling really tired. didn't sleep well last night.. as usual.

why don't you contact me any more..

muffin.

2005-08-15T18:43:00.000+08:00

oh, by the way. i thought i lost my muffin, the one peter gave me, remember?

i found out what happened to my daling muffin.

it went into yogendran's stomach. :'(

rest in peace, dear muffin.

back.

2005-08-15T17:59:00.000+08:00

wow, long time never blog liaos. haha. because my computer's router got spoilt all of a sudden.. no idea why either. haha. but got a new one now and it's okay~!

let's see..

wednesday, didn't do anything.. lalala..

thursday, went back to school. first thing i found out: gp compre test that day!!!! ahh why didn't anyone tell me. but the compre test was okay. haha. oh and chem~! haha. i admit it! i had.. nothing to do with the chili sauce under andrew's file!

during lab, andrew threw a packet of chili sauce(unopened, and from bk, might i add) at us(me, genevia, nadia, and danial). the following whispered conversation ensued.

"eh, i want to put it in his shirt la. so irritating."
"haha, just put it on his chair la."
"you put it on his chair, he will see it one.."
"then how?"
"put it under his file.."(this is danial, by the way. i suggested the chair.)
"huh, open or not?"
genevia and nadia walk up to andrew's seat. the dear boy has gone for a toilet break, leaving his delightfully red file and papers on the benchtop.

genevia picks up andrew's file.
"so, how?"
with one final motion, nadia opens the chili packet and proceeds to empty its contents on the bench. genevia replaces the file. our chemistry teacher, darling miss angela huang, is blissfully oblivious. giggling, they head back to their seats while danial and i struggle to keep our laughter under control. a small argument ensues about whose idea it was, and who was more evil.

khairul enters the lab. a piece of paper from the top of andrew's file flutters to the ground. absently, khairul picks it up and shoves it under andrew's file. muffled screams of "no!" are heard and the group bursts out into uncontrollable laughter again, leaving khairul baffled.

andrew returns. he sits at his bench a while, before finally picking up his file. the stench of chili sauce hits everyone in the room - we can't stop laughing. the teacher demands to know why there is chili sauce on the bench but no one says anything. only giggles can be heard. we think the teacher suspects, but she didn't say anything. andrew's vaguely amused by it all, and proceeds cleaning up. meanwhile, we are still trying to stifle our laughter.

till this day, i still laugh when i think about it. andrew was sooooo asking for it. haha!

friday, went to school as usual.. and, also as usual, no one told me that we had to hand in the first order d.e. assignment.. so i couldn't hand in because i didn't do it.

after school, went down to the band room. the clarinetists were there, practicing for their clarinet ensomble.. me being kaypoh went and took their bass clar part to play on my tuba! the songs are all final fantasy songs.. nice nice. ^_^ woanrong and chong hui were there too, and maz, but only for a while. in the end i took out the bass clar to use instead of my tuba. haha! it's really cool~ yeah, but i had a little problems with the fingerings. lol. and the transposing.. -_-" yeah.

something happened that night.. been having trouble sleeping ever since..

tears..

saturday, went to study with woanrong.. did my differential equations assignment.. saw michelle ahma and jason, as well as feline and one of the alumni members.. *suspicious* haha. wrote out notes for d.e. because i don't have them.. yeah. quite a good day's work. this weekend i intend to do second order d.e. and start on physics.. maybe. definitely.

sunday, normal day. went to watch the philyouth concert with yogendran. amanda, joce and kaixiang were supposed to join us but they got ushered elsewhere. and i had one whole hour of non-stop commentry from this crazy guy on my left. fine, it's okay if you know the music very well, but please! when the band started playing "a whole new world", the guy proudly proclaimed to his partner on his left, "MULAN." i almost choked and died.

and he insisted on singing to every musical the band played, even though he didn't know the words, the tune, and was terribly tone-deaf.

my worst concert experience ever. i hope i never have to sit with someone like that ever again. bleagh~

monday, today! gee. lessons were.. okay. i was kinda hoping ypo wasn't here. but she was, darn. chun hoe demanded money for physics notes but how can i give you money when the class funds have a negative balance? that's right, welcome to the world of reality.

i'm paying for my class's notes. out of my own pocket.

tell me i'm a hero. lol.

anyway.. just had my piano lesson.. so guess that's all. candice asked me to be her duet partner for next thursday. i'm gonna die.

national day

2005-08-09T11:27:00.000+08:00

you know something? i'm freaking exhausted.

yesterday was the jc2s' last performance with us.

we all woke up at unearthly hours of the morning, we all reached school half-asleep, we all grumbled and whined and basically were in an overall bad mood.

we took out our instruments, blasted for a bit, woke up and cheered up.

we sat, we waited, and were overall patient with the stage crew. so i say.

we played.

again, that feeling.. can't be described by words.

after which we got chased to the band room, where we camped about an hour, took lots of crappy photos and basically went wild. then we went back to the hall, went onstage and went even wilder. i remember clement being pushed to the ground with a loud thud behind me and yogendran, and someone trying to take his shoes off. i vaguely remember all the camera lenses aimed in so many different directions at once. i faintly recall the noise, the thuds on the floor, the worrying about the stage collasping, the bright flashes of light and all that dancing and screaming. i remember the laughter, those faces of pure joy and happiness, that warmth because i was surrounded by friends - friends i never cherished, until it was too late. friends who were always there, one way or another. no, not just friends - loved ones. i remember the laughter.

and through it all, he was there, next to me, but he didn't say anything.

not one word. i guess we were just too caught up in the moment to notice.

i listened to them talk, over lunch at the principal's expense. i only had a cup of lemon tea(or that's what they called it, anyway. icky stuff). they seemed so happy - i didn't want it to end. if only i could stop time..

left with kian hong, kiong wee, sujin, julian, erwin, clement, chong hui, kenneth and woanrong to paya lebar for lan.. four hours of dota, nonstop.. the last time i would play lan with them? i hope not.. i really won't wish for it to be so..

i wanted to watch a movie with them after that, but higher authority demanded i return home.. *chuckles*

this morning, wanted to leave a few words on the band forum.. but i cried after i read this..

dear everyone,
thank you very very much...for the past 1 1/2 years... to all my committee members, thanks for helping the band and of cos ourselves, to improve to wad we are today. learnt alot from u all during the period of the 04 batch... ups and downs... all tasted before. Thinking back, it has been a wonderful time... from the day i was appointed as the vp, where hardly a quarter of the band heard of my name... to today, where all of us played together as one for the very last time. Singapore Rhapsody II... i will always remember it. remember how we learn from each other, supporting each other? 6th ASBC, where we were trashed by other asian band? when i first scolded the whole band? (still dare to sae huh) however, i still remember the good times... clement eating dunno how many cups of noodles inseide the hotel room, dr lee playinf with the water at the hotel's pool, "pretty girls" waving at mark... well, sweet isn't it? remember "hai ou"?

building up a band is not an easy task...without daniel, eileen, cloe, jing zhong, pei ru, sazali, aidah, sujin, suvenna, yi xin, yu ngai, mazlina, jun wei and kiong wee, the band would not have been wad it is today... or for the very least, in our batch. I remember saying, a good band is made up of 2 attributes-- system and spirit. without these two, the band will never be a good band. the committee had lived up to this attributes... giving their everything to the band... i'm proud of them... we learnt along the way... and we get better each time. thank you very much.

lastly, to the future committee: never live in past glory... the future is yours to make...(sounds like this yr's ndp theme hor?) there are things u need to improve on...or should i say, lots of things to improve on. it's all yours now... make use of the time in the band... learn through the process... dun be afraid to get hated by people (of cos lots of ppl hate me!!!), cos ur main goal is to guide the whole band. cannot say too much la... u need to add on to the history book... not us..

lastly, "a leader brings people where they want to go... but a great leader brings people where they not necessary want to go, but ought to be..."

best regards,
julian

to all the tpjc jc2 band members.. thank you for colouring my band like with so many shades.. all the sad times, the blues.. the yellows and oranges that represent our happiness, joy, the fun and laughter.. the reds of anger when things weren't going too well, and the passion that each of us shares for the band.. all these colours blend with each other and form other unique colours.. a testimony of my emotions during this past eight months..

now.. for individual people..

julian.. for all the problems you've given me.. for always being late, oversleeping half the time, giving attitude, losing the band room keys, and all our disagreements.. i really want to thank you.. because you're the life of the section.. wouldn't know what the section would be like without you. more boring, perhaps.. even though i said, "finally! no more having to look at julian's face and put up with his attitude!", i'm still going to miss you terribly.. as a committee member i'll do my best to make you and the rest of the committee proud..

kwang liang.. how else could i have improved without your constant support and guidence? you're always trying to make us laugh, always keeping the spirits high. you're the most practical of us all, the one who tries to keep everyone happy, the one who makes the decisions. thank you for always being there..

terrence.. forever late.. lazy pig.. *pokes* i'll miss the times when i take the bus with you after band practices.. the conversations about nothing and everything during band.. the songs that you love to play/sing.. haha.. i'll miss the good times.. really..

michelle.. dearest ahma.. thanks for always being there for me.. when i'm upset or have problems i know i can always turn to you for advice and support.. thank you so much.. stay sweet always okay, and remember that i love you more than jason..

kiong wee.. ever my source of inspiration and support.. you were there for me when i was down.. helping me in your own sublte way. i really really look up to you, and hopefully i can be like you.. an inspiration to other people.. thank you for everything.. your lame jokes and your talks.. especially during the syf period..

kenneth.. if i have to thank you for anything, thank you for being an idiot lol. your less-than-intentional blurness always makes me laugh.. thank you.

there are so many other things i want to say, to so many other people.. my gratitude to you all can never truely be expressed fully in words.. there's just too much to say and too little time..

before i start tearing all over my keyboard, i bid you a plesent day, and an enjoyable national day.

[[* i love the tpjc band.. now and forever..

if we hold on together, i know our dreams will never die.

lastly, to all the jc2s.. good luck for you a levels!

well

2005-08-07T12:03:00.000+08:00

i realise my resized pictures look ugly, no thanks to me. gee.

here i am sitting all alone in bedok library. why, you may ask. because people forget i exist, and forget to tell me that we're meeting at 12.30 instead of 11.50. i reached bedok interchange at 11.20, no thanks to them.

actually, i'm meeting my class to make the kites for national day celebrations, which i'll never have a chance to fly because i'm performing + going to the lunch from the principal + going to play lan after all that shit is over. it's probably going to be the last time i ever get to go lan gaming with my seniors, because shit, they end their jc band life on monday. i don't want them to leave because the band's going to be so empty without them. you ever get that feeling before? that emptiness? you're going to experience it, darlings, whether you freaking like it or not. because the jc2s are leaving. i have a selfish wish that tomorrow will never come(indeed, for tomorrow keeps changing, inconsistant crap that it is) and that we will never be seperated. i'm a selfish person. i keep thinking about myself, only about myself. it's true i'll feel insecure about everything once the jc2s go. we'll be lost, alone. we won't know what to do, how to handle, until one day everything spins out of control. and then, it'll be too late to do anything. anything at all.

i believe that they'll always be a part of my life. i love them and i probably always will, for as long as i keep in touch with them. but they're just this presence in the band room. every time i walk into the room, there's always some senior or other about. all this time, they were just.. there. and what's going to happen when they're not there any more? can you imagine, it's as if you walk into your classroom at school and all your friends aren't there. it's eerily quiet. nothing seems right. there's no sound whatsoever, no trumpet, no drums, no clarinet. nothing. not even the softest laugh.

then what shall i do? i walk to my seat, the one i've always had since i started band in jc, hoping that julian will be on my left and terrence on my right. but i have to face the reality - soon, it will be just me and mag. even though i get really put off by her sometimes, simin sitting in front of me is kind of a conforting sight, because she takes dr lee's attention off me. then there's alan or mark who's always blocking my view.. soon i'll have a clear field of vision. everything's changing.. changing too fast. i don't like it, but i have to live with it.

you know, i always take comfort that i have mag. whether it be a rough day or a quarrel with julian, we've always stuck by each other. i don't know what i would have done had she gone to tjc. although i'm sure she'd be happy there. wouldn't we all? i'm so glad that i have her. ever since graduating from tkg, she's meant so much more to me. we went through the tjc auditions together, stuck through band even when times got hard.

and the jc2s.. my pillars of support. i'll miss each and every one of them, because in some way, in their own, unique way, they've all been very very very special to me.

i know this is boring all my random readers, so the tirade of emotions shall end here for today. i'll be late in meeting my class if i don't go, but what the heck. i'm tired of waiting for people all the freaking time anyway.

tata.

konzert 2005 photos

2005-08-06T14:52:00.000+08:00

as promised, photos.

me and woanrong

joce, woanrong and me

ika

charis

i tried taking mark's photo without looking at my cam.
first shot:

can you see the top of his head in that corner? haha.

second shot:

i showed it to charis and ika and they both turned to look at him! and then he realised that i was taking photos of him. darn it.

third shot:

haha~!

woanrong

kaixiang and i

me and mag and our infamous pose.

me and suvenna

me and chiah hui, she was doind ushering or something.

marcus being attacked by the glitter spray

my darling section.

terrence

euphos

mag, yanleng, me

mazlinah in a compromising ~~situation~~ position

yanping and yixuan

me and sam

me and aidah

me and yogi

me and xin ni

ahma and i

trumpees

tpjc tubists(current+alumni)

me and terrence

me and mazlinah

me and zhimei

yu ngai and me

grace and i

me and alan

me and ika

ika, mag, dr lee, me

ika took this. kenneth.

hmm, that's all. gonna link the album in a bit, be patient. anyway there aren't that many pictures.. aww. hahaha.

konzert 2005

2005-08-06T13:17:00.000+08:00

he should stop hurting her!

last night was very memorable, for many many reasons.

i apologise in advance for spelling errors; i just crawled out of bed and am not really awake yet.

wednesday was a usual day.. genevia had a little problem with my locker(lol) so i had to go rescue her..

thursday, went back to tkg! mr sze drove me, karin, nadia and nora there. we were supposed to promote tpjc to the tkgians.. haha.. as if they want to come to tp? haha. anyway, it wasn't so bad. we had a nice time, and mr sze was nice to let us have some time to go look for our own teachers. then he drove me and nora back to school. because i had chem remedial!! *pulls hair*

but actually, chem was okay. i got some questions right, managed to answer a few in parts and bits and pieces. i understand everything better now though. i think. haha. then went for band.. so late lor. band was okay.. yeah.

friday.. hectic hectic hectic.. in the morning we had practice, then i went around helping people pack their stuffs.. we had problems with the lorry and the buses and the chinese orchestra.. all those people know how to do is whine and make unreasonable demands.. fine.. then when we finally got to vch, the co was on stage and we just warmed up outside.. and guess what.. we were supposed to go on stage at 3 to practice.. but the stupid chinese orchestra stayed on stage until close to 4.. i was right.. i said that by the time they got offstage dr lee would be here.. and he was there already.. damn it lor..

went through the pieces.. okay la..

met peter before the concert.. he actually gave me flowers and a muffin! haha.. scared i would get hungry. and i actually met his girlfriend. haha.

hmm.. concert.. i screwed up armenian dances, didn't realise i was early until the end of the phrase.. and no one else in my section came in so i didn't know i was wrong.. but apparently it was not obvious.. still, felt terrible.. it's supposed to be 'my song'.. dots.. chess was okay lor.. second suite.. well.. i think the trombones were early by one beat.. they were the only ones who played the last note, or so i heard.. haha.. but well. nevermind la.

then we had break break break break.. until the co and percussion ensomble finish playing.. percut ensomble rocks.. haha. last two songs were okay.. gloriosa was wonderful though! it's the best ever.. so i think la.. haha..

chelsea had this really nice bouquet of orchids for me! haha.. and i got a flower from candice, and one from fang xian.. haha.

there were problems with the lorry and buses again when we were going back to school.. had to squeeze..sigh.. next year we're going to get a bigger lorry.. lol.

after reaching, helped move the instruments and stuffs, even dr lee helped haha. he's very nice what. haha. then we packed up and went for supper at 201.

grace and vanessa claire got locked in school.. dots.. haha..

it was fun. yogi asked me for a flower so i gave him one, because he didn't have any. aww. *pats* something happened that is making jessica bug me. hahaha. shared a cab home with azfar, because we stay somewhat nearby. haha.

i reached home close to 2am. gee.

photos!

....will be up later. lolx!

whee

2005-08-02T18:36:00.000+08:00

i cut my hair today.

the thing is, i like it! it's great! it totally rocks! ^_^

imagine. people who saw me in the morning saw me with long hair. then i leave school at 2.10, get my hair done, and come back for band! haha.. the reactions. i couldn't stop laughing.

woanrong says i look like her. ._. i do not! yogandran's jaw got glued to the library floor when i went to look for him. hahahahahahahaha! =x

anyway. fairly unevenful these few days. quite tired. supposed to have piano now but i don't know where my teacher is. the rest are having band in school, phooey. i wanna be there.

i want to sleep~! and i like my new hair. smells nice too.

3 days to concert!

today.

2005-07-31T15:08:00.000+08:00

well, let's see.

morning, went through the same routine.. woke up, wash up, breakfast, church, lunch, home. only today had additional noise(my dad shouting at my bro.. sighs)..

listening to second suite and czardas while talking to guanyu. i'm so bored.. wanted to go cut my hair today, and give the guys a shock on monday when they see me(lol!), but dear vera's sick today, so she can't take me out. oh darn. haha.

remember how i said i'd learnt how to tie my tie? well, i forgot how to already! =x haha.. well. guess i'll have to re-learn or something. at the moment, jessica's at compasspoint helping me scout for green ties. she says there should be ties in the colour i want over there. i'd go with her but she's with a friend. don't want to interrupt, you know? haha.

well.. another day of nothing-ness.. sigh.

i should be happy, right?
but why?

nothing noteworthy has happened. nothing noteworthy will happen in the near future, i guess.

he's so busy he's not going for festival of praise. i can only hope he's taking good care of himself.. our conversations, if you can even call them that, have become very strained. i don't even know how to address him anymore. we have short message conversations(five messages or less).. and he sounds so distant all the time. so many possibilities.. so many 'could be that's.. they just keep running in my head, around and around, in circles.. getting me all confused. oh well..

life throws us a lot of crap.. guess we all have to deal with it the best we know how.. and i guess that that's just his way of dealing with it..

band, band, and more band.

2005-07-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

i am bored out of my dear little mind.

i don't know about you, but already i don't like where this is going.

friday, hand fmaths tutorials and lectures, then chinese, then went for band. we played better than wednesday.. i guess sometimes it takes a bit of scoldings to get us to put in that little bit more effort.. but concert is only six days away.. we should stop slacking! *slaps self* anyway. went home alone(as usual, nothing new there). still trying to find the green ties. farhan said he'd help me keep a look out.

today, went for band.. yes, it's saturday and here i am going for band early in the morning.. messaging woanrong all the way.. had combined sectionals with brasses and percussion, under kiong wee.. thought that today i could take my new jc1 section, but grace had other plans for us.. lucky i never go and combine with the woodwinds? haha. well, nice to know we're improving, at any rate. ended around 12.30, then waited for the rain to stop.. it didn't, so we asked the sch attendant to open the side gate and let us out.. and she did. was complaining to woanrong that i wanted to go out but no one to go out with.. so she said that she thought the guys were going lan.. why never call me~~~.. dots.. okay.. nevermind.. sometimes i'm also lazy to care about them.. and that person is there, so i don't want to go anyway. sigh. so here i am, at home, with no lunch. yayness.

oh, i can play three scales on the bassoon! ^_^ and i can play some other random stuff too. haha.

i like bassoon and i love tuba. =D

i'm very tired. i wonder if he's going for the festival of praise. i wanna go, with woanrong, and we're probably dragging kiong wee along. i hope he's going, i so much wanna see him again. =P haha.. i guess that's why he's not free to some watch the tpjc band concert? haha.. must be it..

all these precious moments
with you by my side

i don't know how i found you
i'm thankful that i have
that i have a love so true
to hold to keep to share

in my heart
i can no long hold inside
all of the love i used to hide
i'd always be with you until the very end

in this world
there is no place i'd rather be
you are my life my soul my ~~girl~~ boy
and through it all
i know you'll come to see
that you're the one
till the end

you'll always be
till the end

okay.. i wanna go forage around for food to eat.. *eyes pizza in freezer* ^_^

week~

2005-07-28T18:26:00.000+08:00

okay. let's see..

past few days have been littered with eventful happenings, and i shall relate them as i remember them, yes? haha.

wednesday, had the most awful band practice ever.. i think it was worse that first three months.. dr lee actually went through the pieces only once then walked out on us.. as usual, the committee members went after him to try and placate him.. didn't work this time, apparently.. it's because no one watched dr lee when he was conducting, then he got upset with us.. concert is only 8 days away and we still can't play the pieces smoothly.. not even jap graf 4, which is supposed to be a fun piece.. i think only my section was prepared to play that piece la.. sigh sigh.

had committee meeting after band, regarding concert and stuff. went home around 8+, my mum thought i had been off playing soccer again. ._. so misunderstood. complained to ika part of the night, then worked on posters for the band concert.

this morning, came to school early for a short 'committee meeting'.. decided to use mine and kaixin's posters, because they're black and white and easy to photocopy.. band room table was so noisy this morning because of us! tried to study a bit of organic chem, trying to remember what terrence taught me inbetween parts during practice on wed. then went for lessons.. it was okay la. during chem, jian shun walked out on the chem teacher. i mean, just packed his bag and left. just because he didn't prepare some question to be presented on the board, he was like, "it's all my fault." and just left. i think the chem teacher's gonna tell ms yap. he didn't even show up for gp later. he was probably hiding himself in some corner crying. it's like, that's all he knows how to do la. i know it's mean, but seriously, he should get a life.

couldn't go for band today.. sad.

mag just called me and asked if it was okay that they changed the title on my poster. i wrote "tpjc concert band proudly presents". the teachers want it changed to "tpjc band and chinese orchestra present". hello! it's band concert? why must put co in the title also? i put them as guest players, they should be happy already okay. i didn't even want to put them down la. cecegbc. what the hell la.. if people know that the co is going to play, i don't think they want to attend our concert liao.. all the songs that they are playing, my brother is also playing in coral sec co.. what kind of standard man.. sheesh..

okay.. shall not be pissed by that.. since mag asked so nicely, i shall redo the posters(grr).

sigh.. feeling a little stressed. was kicking at the railings and stuff in school while me, ika and charis waited for yogi to finish his free milo from the library, which is open till 9pm these days. don't they have other things to do other than mug?? gee. they were a little concerned because i really wanted to break something or kill someone. gah.

oh, yes. tuesday, vanessa used my phone to sms him(because if i took it upon myself to sms him, the message would never get sent), but i didn't get a reply till late. and, as vanessa pointed out on wednesday morning when i showed it to her, it wasn't really the response i was expecting. it's true, i felt slightly(okay, more than slightly) disappointed. i don't know. i mean. yeah. okay. erm. asked him if he wanted to come for the band concert but he said that he already had something on that day, and why didn't i ask him earlier, then he would love to come. oh well. but after that, he stopped responding to my messages, and i can only wonder why. perhaps he's just busy. well.. i don't know. as in. i get really confused sometimes, and this is one of those times.

circled number 4 under 'things that have changed slightly' on my worksheet on the application question for the marriage passages. it's got a significance for me.

not many people accept that still, right?

it doesn't pay to be different, after all. in the end you'd still be forced into the same mould as everyone else.

anyway. i think i have ranted quite enough. shall rant some more on saturday if i can, and if you want to read. may be going to get yataka(sp? it's a japanese traditional summer outfit, with obi and everything) on saturday, and i need to find the lime green ties my section needs. anyone know where to get them? gee.

maybe i should call kwang han to ask where he bought the ties.

and cuiyin and edmund, while i'm at it.

oh, and chong hui has a blog. how suprising.

no, maz, chong hui was not flirting with me. thanks. ._.

-

2005-07-24T17:58:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry, but my answer is no.

it has always been, and always will be.
i'm really, really sorry.
i just had to say this out.. if you know what i mean.
it's been so long.
i know you've kept trying.
i'm sorry it turned out the way it did.
it's just.. it's been really hard.
i don't know what to say.

i'm sorry.
just leave me to cry now. please.
don't come back into my life. it hurts too much.

weekend~

2005-07-24T13:49:00.000+08:00

okay la. i know this is getting very boring. seriously. i'm bored of it too.

friday, met up with the band members in the morning as usual. michelle ngiam was letting yeekiat and i listen to the russell peters jokes on her phone. after a while yee kiat took the phone and placed it under his ear, and i couldn't hear a thing.

sometimes i doubt my seniors' maturity. seriously.

had fmaths, fmaths lec, chinese.. weixiang got me to tell the teacher that he was sick(he just wanted to skip lessons la..), and when i did, the teacher believed me.. maybe it's because i'm the only girl in the chinese class so she trusts me more? hmm. haha. well. jaren says he's going to do that next time too. haha!

went to the band room immediately after lessons.. went for lunch with yogi at macs, then went to j201 for fmaths remedial on trigonometry. i'm okay at it, i guess. then went for band around four+. end of band, daniel and julian and maz talked to us all.. yesh it's very disappointing that everyone's not taking this seriously.. oh well..

went to play soccer after band with mark, jun wei, kiong wee, chong hui, azfar and shiyong.. was feeling kinda pissed so i didn't hold back, even tackled the guys and made a few passes instead of just intimidating the guys by just being there.. lol.. managed to successfully tackle mark.. haha. kiong wee said i was fierce, but who cares? needed to get it out somehow.

realise i've been staring into space quite often these days.. i'm not thinking of anything in particular. in fact, i don't even know what i'm thinking about when i start to stone. i just.. stone. i don't know.

saturday, went to school for sectionals because kwang liang asked me to come.. so i did.. only the percussion section was there when i reached. practiced half an hour in the storeroom, jocelyn and farhan came. then when i went outside, i was suprised that the whole horn section was here already. went to practice with kwang liang in lt1. mag came, then woanrong, and we went through all our stuff before being evicted from the lt by some crap gp teacher who was holding some crap interschool competition. did i mention it was crap?

learnt how to play the bassoon, a little, then left school with woanrong. we walked to woanrong's place where i took a bus to simei, then train to city hall to meet vera and derrick.

went for lunch at pastamania at suntec, then ran into desmond(?), who's from tpjc and is derrick's secondary school classmate(!!) haha. he was with his girlfriend, michelle. yogi said i was a very extra spotlight. ._. haha. went to carrfour to try and find ties, but couldn't get any in the shade we wanted. then me, vera and derrick went off to orchard, hereen. vera says i must change my image, and she's going to drag me to get my hair cut one of these days.

i must protect my hair.

after a very long walk, we decided to go home: me to my home, and vera to derrick's. haha.

yogi messaged me at night, complaining that his computer had screwed up just as he was putting the finishing touches on his wind band arrangement of 'sakura'. no, i don't think it's that 'sakura', guanyu. ._. haha!

this morning, went to church. got home a while ago, so here i am.

guanyu found pictures of lookit and lianwei getting pillared. see how bored she is? as such i shall now publish this post for her viewing pleasure~.. see how nice i am.

erm

2005-07-21T18:19:00.000+08:00

okay. before you scold me for not blogging, i have a perfectly good reason: dsa.

monday.. had band. julian was pretty much being a idiot, deciding he would be a loner and practice in the next classroom all by himself. so he has his issues. whatever. dsa was.. okay? school ended early because we had listening exam(chinese) and we all forgot band started at 4.30 and gathered around outside the band room immediately after the paper around 3.30. gee.. haha. was okay la. then band, nothing much, lalala.

tuesday, in the morning, clement brought his gameboy and pokemon cartridge. yeekiat was playing! and sometimes, i really question my seniors' maturity.. haha.. i asked them if they were really 18 years old and kiong wee told me, "i'm not 18, i'm 19 lor.." dots.. yeekiat was really really into the game! i was like, "who are you and what have you done to yeekiat?!?!?!"

almost died on the pe track. seriously. after one month plus of not running, my teacher asks us to do 2.4km run. and i really almost died. ._. then i had spa for physics! how was i supposed to think with that headache?! it was 'do or die'. or rather, 'don't do, die.. do, also die'. sighs..

went to do the dsa thing again.. guanyu came.. played for a while, scared the hell out of those trumpeters who were auditioning. haha! she even said loudly, "but i'm not auditioning!" but i think the gal was still scared.. haha. oh, woanrong's veryveryvery pro bassoonist friend came. it's hard to believe he only has two years of experience, he played the dance of yao like a, well, pro! haha!

when chong hui came, guanyu was like, " i wanna play like a beginner and scare him!" so kian hong told chong hui, "here's guanyu, the pro tkgs trumpeter.." and guanyu's notes came out "bleaghbleaghbleagh~~~~" chong hui's face changed la! haha! it was so funny.. heh.

went for dinner with guanyu, and kian hong came soon after. went home, slept at 6+ and woke up 6+ the next morning. 12 hours. feel like a pig.

wednesday.. it was okay la. had a lot of laughs. dsa again, dr lee came! haha kinda missed him last week. candice, mel oh, guanyu and another clarinetist came for dsa. dr lee didn't want to audition them, he said he's just going to accept them straight! but i don't think candice wants to come to tpjc.. oh well. nevermind la.

went home with terrence, candice and guanyu bugging me at the bus stop. guanyu was trying to get me to go to the airport with her. and she tried to pour water on me just to see if the uniform was really waterproof! and when she didn't succeed she pointed at terrence and asked, "your friend arh?" then proceeded to try and pour water on terrence!!!! gee. haha.

today was okay. had spe, luckily no one listened to yap pak oi when she said "i think you're allowed to wear your ethnic costume on thursday, racial harmony day.." because s33 listened to one of their classmates, and didn't bring their pe attire and had to do pe in their school uniforms! imagine if we had listened to yap pak oi!! omg.. hahahahahaha!! then pw lecture, which was uber-boring. haha. other lessons were okay. gp sucks.. it's so boring. after school went to eat with yogi, and wait for ika. went to the library after that, and i wrote lots of stuff on the paper on the tables!! haha(poor danial!)

well.. that's all i guess.. been feeling quite tired.. my legs ache, guess that's because of the running. arms ache.

i wanna play crap on my tuba.. these days keep playing 'eyes on me', nice song. ^_^

dsa

2005-07-17T15:39:00.000+08:00

response seems pretty terrible thus far. i've only managed to get guanyu to come, but she's not going to audition for the dsa even if she comes. chong hui keeps bugging me to get the tkgs horn and trumpet players to come.. when i'm not close to the horn players(i forgot their names already), and cheryl's been accepted into tj, there's only so much i can do. well.

secretly wishing that candice and huiping would come to tp, then we'd be a nice happy tkg tuba family(minus fangxian, so sad)! okay, that's such a selfish wish, but only because i miss them so much. sigh.

well, i hope the others(marcus, chong hui and farhan) aren't having as much trouble as i am trying to get people to come. but we do(desperately, might i add) need the horn, trumpet, flute, oboe, trombone, and bassoon players. once the jc2s leave, we'll be left with
2/3 flute(hmm?)
7 clar(think this will be the biggest section.. =x)
0 oboe(there were no oboes to begin with ne)
0 bassoon
5 saxophones
1 french horn
2 trumpets(2 i say!)
3 trombones
3 euphoniums
2 tubas
1 double bass(-_-")
6 percussion
bringing the grand total to(drumroll please).. 32 members! how fun.

and after concert, we'll have only five sections: upper woodwind, lower woodwind, upper brass, lower brass, and percussion. whee how fun.

can the jc2s please not leave? *whines*

oh well.

concert will be great. we've gone through all the songs already, and even though we don't sound fantastic, we will when the concert comes.

which reminds me, i have to drop peter a message. he said he'd get back to me monday night but i haven't heard from him at all. gee.

band

2005-07-16T16:38:00.000+08:00

band life is beginning to get hectic - i can feel it. in just one day, i have recieved smses from jocelyn, mag and chong hui all regarding the direct school admission thingy(makes me feel important? nah j/k). haha! well, sent messages out already.. hope it won't be too hard on my phone bill? gee. haha. valerie already told me none of her juniors are coming. sigh.

thinking of using second suite as the audition piece for the dsa for the lower brasses? the march part. haha. but for my own tuba section.. dunno lei? maybe also the march(i dunno how to select piece for string bass~!!!!). haha. well.. see how? hmm, when's my break on monday.. oh, 1.30. kay still got time to go look through the pieces and stuff.

and then trombones use first trombone part or what?? gee.. maybe first la. haha. dots.. shall see how.

woanrong just asked me if i wanted to go to the tokyo kosei concert.. huifen's selling her ticket at $25 because she can't make it.. but i don't think i can get there on time, so suan le.. haha.. nevermind la. i'm sure will have other chances. like last year i heard them once already ma. haha. okay la.

anyway. there's still proposal to work on. ian is supposed to contact me about the national education notice board.. me, him, yan leng and their classmate asha are in charge of it. decorating it, apparently.. but who's going to read it anyway? haha. by tuesday, nonetheless..

oh, and i still have integration assignment to work on. hmm~..

me is so glad me need not go back school today. ^_^ haha! okay. i'm getting crappy.

hope that this time around the turnout will be better for the dsa? last time we had 18 people. maybe this time more than 20? haha! wishful thinking right. haha. oh wells.

hmmx..

2005-07-16T11:32:00.000+08:00

dun wanna talk? nevermind lor. dun talk lor.
rootbeer float is not nice. it needs real ice cream. *skips off to get some*

friday, reached school early to do integration.. sad to say i don't know much about inverse trigo integration? hmm. haha. oh well. i'm sure i'll get it in time to come(how optimistic -_-").

lessons were okay. the chinese sharing of the china trip was terribly boring though. kept trying not to sleep. genevia was pretty happy where we were seated. haha!!

band was okay. i mean, how else can band be? only 20+ people came.. about 25%? haha. well.. guess many people were going for concert? gee. anyway, played jap graf iv! it's such a great song but suvie skipped the fast part~!!! that's the nicest part of the song~~.. oh well..

halfway though julian was like, eh let's go play soccer.. like.. now~! dots.. vice-president leh.. in fact, both the current and to-be vice pres are in my section.. hahah.. cannot slack liao wor..

after band, went off with kiong wee, kwang liang and sazali.. cloe left her phone in school! so we had kinda planned to ask kenneth to pass it to cloe(he was coming back to school for his tokyo kosei ticket -_-") because cloe was going for the 1pm concert and tokyo kosei was at 3.30pm.. then sazali told me to explain the situation to kenneth but he just walked off even when i was talking to him! i was so pissed off with him.. i don't think he was even listening. fine. i just hope he remembers to return the phone to cloe.
damn kenneth. arghhhhhhhh~~!!
sighs.. what can i say.. what i was supposed to do is done already.. and i was supposed to pass the phone to kenneth.. whether cloe gets it or not.. that's kenneth's problem.. ._.

oh yeah, my group's proposal for the band chalet has been approved!! rejoice!! haha. actually if it wasn't approved i'd probably kick myself for putting so much time into it *hee*

wanted to go play lan today.. but kiong wee didn't call me.. so i guess no one's going.. anyway a lot of people going for tokyo kosei concert right? gee. with i could go.. but.. $46!!!! haha. ohwell.

hmm.

2005-07-14T17:49:00.000+08:00

let's see now.

wednesday, reached school reasonably early, then prmptly went to sleep outside the band room. woke up at grace's grand arrival. ._. haha. well. had lessons as per normal, blah blah.. ypo is i r r i t a t i n g.. lalala.. haha.

after school had oral exam. kinda glad about it? i didn't screw it up. well, not much, anyway. haha. then went for band. ended at 5, and we could only leave at six because julian and mr lim were holding mag and jocelyn back!! especially julian with all his 'life stories', bleagh.

oh the way, i called marcus pang on the phone, and was talking to him for a bit, then there was one part when i said, "what, i did better than marucs?" and marcus toh turned around and stared at me! haha! it's so confusing having so many people with the same name in your phone book. i have:
3 amandas
2 andrews
2 benjamins
2 daniels(okay, one is spelt danial, but it's hard to tell the diff you know.)
2 graces
2 marcus'
2 michelles(actually it's three, but i don't make it a habit to save michelle j. tan's number haha)
2 sarahs
2 terrences(one terence and one terrence =x)
2 vanessas and
2 weilins(one weiling and one weilin). haha. well.

haha. me, ika, yogi, charis and mag went to like five different places trying to get dinner, but they were all so crowded! in the end, i got a sandwich from seven-eleven. i thought i had bought the chicken ham and cheese, but when i took it out of the plastic bag, the cover read, tuna! gee! haha. we had to run to get there on time! and on the way, michelle n.(she asked me to put that because she got confused between her and michelle tan haha) had taken to the stairs.. she's run down/up the stairs, then lean against the wall and say, "what took you so long?" haha!

made it just in time! phew.. haha.. the band was really really really good, but for me it was a struggle just to keep my eyes open.. =x haha.. saw nat! and met luke. okay, i'm not going to say anything about him! haha. well. then we went home. at the mrt station, everyone managed to squeeze onto the mrt train except mag, amanda tan and charis! then i had to get off to accompany them. and also because they were like "NAT!" and making wild hand gestures for me to get off the train. ._. haha. well, we just got on the next train and went home.

tired~~~~~..

this morning, woke up, slept through my alarm again, but what the heck right? haha. then came to school early. didn't go for spe because there was investiture today. i must be thankful for investiture, you know, because of investiture, i didn't have pw! yes!!!! haha. okay. anyway,

congrats alvin! 20th student council! =)

then had physics lecture. it was a big struggle to keep my eyes open.. i fell asleep. oh dear.. genevia kept waking me up because elenor chia was walking around the audi. sighs. so tired.

had chem spa.. looked at the question paper.

(i) okay can do.
(ii) huh?
(iii) erm.. whatever.

get the picture? haha.

had gp.. i hate ypo.. gee.. sighx. oh well. met yogi and jessica after school. ran into alan and clement on the way out of school. alan was like, "hey, you're, uhm, nathasha right? yeah, are you going for the boston brass concert?" i was like, "uh......... no." and he waved goodbye and went off on his own merry way~.. haha. yeah. that's it.

i'm tired!!!

seasports carnival, etc.

2005-07-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

i slept through my alarm this morning, even though my mum said i turned it off by myself when it rang. gee. the things i don't remember doing.

monday, went to school as usual.. recently been going to school later so i don't have time to go meet the band people outside the band room. aww.. haha. anyway. school was quite okay, we started on organic chemistry, then were let off early for seasports carnival!!

my bag felt like a ton of bricks.

went for lunch with jocelyn, genevia, chiah hui, amanda and some of their friends at kfc, then i went to see if there were any comics i wanted to get, but there weren't. gee. haha. then me, genevia, amanda and jocelyn took the train to kallang, then walked to kallang basin. felt like a total idiot wearing the band tee because practically none of the other band members were wearing it!! =( haha. michelle, julian and yogandran were wearing the tee, so i didn't feel that bad, even though it was hot hot hot in that shirt.

almost didn't make it in time to launch the band dragonboat!! eeks!! managed to get into the boat in time though.. phew. haha. went down in my cap and with my watch still on!! had to take off my watch and try to find somewhere dry for it. ._. then we started off for the starting line(what line??).

spirits were high and i'm so glad we were so together on this! even though we didn't win anything, we were the top of the performing arts groups, and hey, that's good enough for me. ;) haha! third in our race, that was great. i'm proud of the band!

michelle, feline and i were going crazy just taking photos. hehee!

me, feline and michelle.

sam, me, and yeeky.

actually asked yeeky to take the photo for me and sam, but he refused because he wanted to be a part of the picture too! haha.

feline. how cute. haha!

ever the hardworking ahma.

woanrong and her ice cream.

ahma~ haha.

gee. haha! they intend to use this to make jason jealous. or something. haha.

then waited for yogi to finish his event, his class dragonboat, then went to singapore indoor stadium to wash up.(my arms are aching ._.) then we thought(or rather, i thought) that 16 could take us back to kallang, so we got on 16, and it brought us.. all the way to tkg! haha! but they weren't having band practice, darn darn darn. i wanted to see my darlings again. haha. oh well. so i gave yogi a little lesson on 'history' as we walked around to the other bus stop that took us to the mrt station at paya lebar. i think he was bored.. sorry!

poor bored yogi..

you know how some things never change..

the staircase of some random building facing the school.

they're doing all this renovation now though. messy.

then took 3 home with yogi from tampines interchange.

today.. gee. monday timetable!! argh!! extra two periods of gp!! *fume fume* ._.

nothing special today. haha!

oh, weiling recruited me as her 9th division captain! i went scouting around for the picture, i think the 9th division captain is actually a black male. ._. gee! haha. okay. well. maybe the sub-captains are a better idea? lol. weiling's offering me renji as an alternative, but she says to wait till this tursday's release to see if there are any other.. more fitting characters. haha!

quote of the day:

"an a.p.(arithmatic progression) is a series.
kelvin is a.p.(attitude problem)
therefore kelvin is a series."

genevia came up with that, don't ask lol. =)

cosfest 2005

2005-07-10T17:57:00.000+08:00

just back from cosfest 2005!!

you should have been there. the costumes were the ultimate! haha! it was so cool.. i've decided that i'm going to take part in the end-of-year event at the expo. the catch: i need to make my own outfit, and pay the $25 entrance fee =x gee. haha! but it's so cool! all those costumes.. had people dressing up as final fantasy characters, the predator from "alien and predator", samurai x, inuyasha, battle royale(the anime in which everyone dies), star wars, one piece, etc etc! here are some of the pictures, you'll see what i mean.

star wars!

check out the wings..

weiling and two of her team members. her team members are dressed up as yugi-oh characters. cool hehe.

one piece!

mass shot.

cool, right? haha! there were many other wonderful costumes as well.

i saw christabel(tkgs euphonium), and elizabeth(tkgs sax), and rubez, priscilla there! haha. it was cool. elizabeth was dressed as kairi from kingdom hearts, and rubez had this sort-of cowboy outfit on. saw shihan, too, but he didn't talk to me. anyway i was too busy on the phone, oops! haha.

weiling's outfit was so cute! and vera's was, well, goth. what else can i say.. haha.. saw her boy too, he's like her walking atm machine. haha!

it was really really cool. i still haven't decided what i'm going to do for the end of year event yet, but i'll think of something soon! anyone else wanna take part?? hehee. oh, the one i like best was probably okuni, from "samurai warriors". she really looked the part! it was really awesome because there were people with cameras and everything just begging to take photos of these people in costume haha! it was like walking into a dream.. seeing all these anime and game characters 'come alive'.

anyone wanna do chobits with me? heh.

nice experience. guess some things, you just have to be there. =)

hehee.

2005-07-10T12:28:00.000+08:00

gee, when was the last time i blogged? thursday? gee! haha!

okay. woanrong called me on thursday night with shocking news. haha. it wasn't that bad la actually, because nothing happened on friday!

went for lunch with yogi on friday, met his friend nat. hehee. nathasha, and natalie. whee. so fun. then had band.. sectionals first. we were told to use the j-block, so me and julian exited the band room from the back door and practiced in the small, dark, stuffy corridor there! haha! was practically dying from the heat.. then went in for combine.. haha.. okay la. nothing much. then the announcement of the new committee..

congratulations to magdaline for the vice-pres post!
congratulations to jocelyn for the pres post!
congratulations to grace and chong hui, the new student conductors! you guys deserve it =)
congrats to azfar, the new quartermaster!!(hehee. i have my reasons for including him on my list. lol.)

ladida, i'm the new lower brass section leader. relieved? yeah. that i am. haha. kinda. haha!

then we went to play soccer, and i realised i had left my phone and wallet on top of my locker, so i had to go back and get. how stupid of me. =x

saturday, went over to my grandma's place, then met woanrong, junwei, kenneth, julian and chonghui for lan. as usual, julian brought his girlfriend along. we went to katong shopping center, but we had to be put on waiting list, so we went to play pool first. got two tables. jingjing seemed content just trying to make julian lose at pool. lol! mark came halfway with a friend, then left. then julian and jingjing left, and we went to play dota. chong hui is like pro la. haha!! taught woanrong how to play. then me, kenneth, woanrong and chong hui went to have dinner. walked to parkway and wandered around mph a while, before going home.. went home alone as usual la.

today.. later i'm heading out to the cosfest at downtown east! i can't wait to see vera in her get-up, and meet her new boyfriend *hehee* well.. i'm bringing my camera la. haha. dressing up a little too. it's gonna be fun.

and that's all. gee.

he's ignoring me liao lah! thanks a lot man.

ladida.

2005-07-07T17:58:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i guess for a first common test, papers were done 'reasonably well', except for chem, but i guess it was expected.

i have decided not to think about it anymore. i'm going to let it all go. actually, i've let it all go already, and i feel free. finally. no more letting stuff tie me down. =) i feel so happy. *sniff* really i do. really.

anyway. yesterday, had dialogue session, then had band. was okay. i ended up holding the door open for the students and the guest of honor. we were made to wear ties.. gee. the wierdest comment i got on that was, "nice tie." strange. it was boring though. i mean. dialogue session. gee. haha.

band was okay. it was really fun. i missed band a lot, and it feels great to be back. next week is seasports carnival, i'm taking part in the inter-cca dragon boat event. it's gonna be so cool. whee! haha. i sound over-excited, don't i. =x

eh i want to play dota.(so random eh.)

today, had lessons as usual. apparently ika let slip to yogi about _____, haha! then she felt guilty. girl, i told you i forgive you! haha. yogi actually wanted to find me during my break inbetween chem and gp, but the teacher moved the 3.30 period up to that breaktime, so couldn't. went to the band room after school. yogi and ika came to find me, then we went to tm. i wanted to eat haha. we went to find ika's friend first, then we went to long john's to eat. then i came home!!

doesn't my day sound exciting! =x haha.

well.. tomorrow's going to be boring.. hope i can find my integration tutorial and do some of it? gee. haha.

oh i love my new cds. hehee.

i'm not going to think about it anymore!!!!! whee~!! haha.

warcraft!

2005-07-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

i'm online.
he's online.
so..
let's talk!

yeah, we're talking about everything else except that.

sunday night, got calls from mich, vera, huifang and kiong wee.. the first three asking where and when to meet on monday and the latter asking me if i wanted to go study. after the common tests. how smart! yay! ._. okay anyway.

kiong wee said, "want to come, come, don't need to call us."

monday, met michelle, vera and huifang at orchard.. me and michelle were late abit because i had to wait for michelle, and huifang threatened to kill us both. haha. after much debate, had lunch at pizza hut! haha.. took unflattering photos. gee. then we went shopping for my cd's!

bought ou de yang's liu se cai hong, and the mix cd k ge shu bu qing. yay! haha. i absolutely love those songs! ^_^ then we went to kinokuniya to look for comics.. but apparently the shop doesn't have those i want.. sheesh. oh well. then i went to the airport to look for kiong wee and kenneth.

guess what? they weren't at the airport!! so i called kenneth to ask.. and they were at where? parkway. dots!!!! haha.. anyway, went to parkway to look for them.. then we went to play lan! warcraft!! whee! haha.. i think yesterday was my best game so far. at first i used this character that had teleport, so whenever kiong wee's character teleported to where i was, i teleported away immediately! haha he kept complaining about it! hehe. and yes, fear my lvl 22 medusa!! haha.

after we played for two and a half hours, julian came.. then we played another hour.. haha. me and julian trashed kenneth and kiong wee. haha! yay.. heh. well. kenneth was purposely doing battle with me lah!! =x i drew first blood..

*after i had died the first time..*
kenneth: "why you run here run there then suddenly disappear??"
me: "this is called strategy mah.. hahah."
kenneth: "orh, your strategy is to run around and then die arh?"
me: "yah, then i can do this!" *kills kenneth*

hahah.so cool. then he kept wanting revenge, kept trying to draw me out of the base. but me loves me lightning-shooting medusa. bam. heheh. julian had infiltrated their base from the bottom, and they didn't realise it. well, kiong wee was in the toilet and i was kinda distracting kenneth, so. heheh. then we won. ^_^ whee.

yup.. after that took bus with kenneth and kiong wee to the mrt station.. julian went to find jingjing who had come with him.. yups.. then went home lor.

today.. nothing much lor.. talked to chiah hui about *it*.. haha.. yup.. i'm considering everyone's advice very carefully, trust me.. yup..

okie.. tata.. sorry for the abrupt ending *hee*

random.

2005-07-03T15:14:00.000+08:00

czardas is so nice~! haha.. listening to it being played on a tuba.. it's really really nice.. and so professional! haha i can't imagine myself playing it at that speed.. it's scary. it's insane! haha..

i like my wolf picture~~! ^_^
i miss janiria, and sicant, and silver. haha.
and not forgetting baby redfarl.. =)

do i sound strange? haha!

30 Things Guys Should Know About Girls
Written by a guy. After years of experience.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house... they run around in their underwear just like we do..

2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

8.5. If you DO sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

9. Don't ever do anything wrong. girls remember things for life and anything you did wrong will be used against you in the future.

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales. (tee hee.)

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.

11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a dinner by him, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms... that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think.

hahaha.

+++

i'm not after the material things in life.. and you should know me better than that..

i'm tired of talking to all these people who don't know him personally, because if they knew him, they wouldn't be saying those things about him.. that's one of the reasons why i turned to chelsea.. but the response seems to be somewhat the same.. i don't get it.

am i the only one who has seen you that way..?

sigh.

yeah, i know last year was a bitch.. but then again.. we always look back on the past and say, "yeah, it was a bitch, wasn't it?" we always deny and delude ourselves about stuff but secretly we know the truth and accept it.. the outside is always different from the inside.. the me beneath the facade.. yes? no? who knows..

oh well. i know we're going to have to talk about it soon, but for now i'm trying to put off thinking about it.. but the more i try not to think about it, the more it gets stuck in my head.. basically i'm afraid to talk about it.. i'm scared of the outcome.. hell, i'm even more frightened of the process.. everything that has led up to this.. every word that we have ever said to each other..

of course, i hope it will go well..
because i don't want to lose this friendship.

you know, that kind of friendship that two people share, where you can share everything with each other(and i mean everything), no secrets.. that kind.. i don't want to lose it, it means too much to me. sigh~~..

i'm reluctant to lay it all down.. to risk it for the sake of 12152205. bleagh.

+++

american graffiti eleven and japanese graffiti seven! anyone else has recordings of the other japanese/american graffitis? send them to me here! yay! haha.

+++

okay, nat shall not be sad anymore. nat shall be a happy girl.

well, i'm not sad, actually. i'm just not happy. hmm, a strange way of looking at things, eh? haha. okay.

but what else is there to do on a sunday afternoon other than be bored and think about *that*.. sigh..

i wish you'd call me.. i'm waiting for your call.. because i'm afraid to call you.. and we do need to talk about this.. sigh.. i wish someone understood..

well..

2005-07-03T12:18:00.000+08:00

talking to kiong wee and guanyu right now on msn.. guanyu's dragging me to this center in serangoon to donate blood.. no, i'm not donating! i'm scared of blood. or rather, it's the thought of blood just like flowing out of me that scares me la. haha.. i'm such a coward right. sigh.

guanyu seems over-excited about the whole donating blood thing.. erm.. okay.. hahahahaha..

a long time since i put up pictures for u guys to see right? hehehe. some pictures of yesterday.. and a few of my brother's girlfriend's hamster. hehee.

me and chelle, after she cut her hair.. so cute! =x

marcus being silly.

sigh. marcus, what are you doing with your lunch..

hamster!!

isn't it so cute? haha!

listening to jap graf seven that guanyu sent to me.. i miss the tjcsb days!! sigh. it's so nice~~~~!!!!!

*ignore me i'm going crazy~~*

and now she's sending me american graf eleven.. and czardas.. yay! haha.

guanyu, send me more songs!! =D

dotdotdotdotdot

2005-07-02T16:36:00.000+08:00

me is back from meeting marcus and michelle.. i cycled to downtown east to meet them. we had lunch at bk, then michelle left for her cip thing. marcus and i went down to the beach for a while.. then went back to dte.. he tricked me into playing lan~!! haha.. because he asked me to show him how to play dota.. and i ended up playing dota.. haha!

first time i had a stranger sitting next to me instructing me where to go and asking me to help him in his lane! haha.. but we still lost in the end.. aww.. this time, though, my skeleton king was level 15!! whee! haha.. first time so high level.. haha.. and it has revive too! cool. but the stun thing sucks.. only two seconds.. haha.. but at least i managed to kill some heros? yay!

then marcus went off to bugis to meet michelle.. so i came home.. yup..

hmm.. sian.. can't wait for school again~~!

oh yeah. check this out.

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies anargument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be carefuland you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

hehee, cool right. =)

weekend

2005-07-02T11:24:00.000+08:00

so fast.. it's second of july already! hmm.. concert's in about a month's time..

yesterday, had chinese listening paper, then went to macs to have breakfast with genevia. heard a lot of people fell asleep during the listening paper.. haha! then went for a stroll even though it was about 9+ in the morning and most shops were closed.. ran into chiah hui, jocelyn, amanda, grace, and a few of their friends! haha. chiah hui was like so happy to see us =x haha.. then genevia had a talk with chiah hui, while the rest of us just did all kinds of silly stuff..

jocelyn and her friend sat on this kiddy ride.. haha i have pictures but jocelyn made me promise not to put them up. haha. and when toys-r-us opened, we were the first group to enter!! i have come to the conclusion that jc students have no childhood; immediately after us came a bunch of mjc people!! haha. we played around with everything with no intention of buying anything. haha.. took plenty of pictures. =) all sorts of silly things we people get up to when the exams are over haha!

went to adidas after that.. jocelyn and one of her friends bought a new bag each, $40++.. so expensive! =x haha.. ohwells.. as long as they like it i guess. they were like, 'so patriotic.. one person red bag one person white bag..' haha.. then we ran into xin ni.. i took her clarinet for her, and grace and amanda took it as a sign to give me their clarinets as well.. haha i must have looked like an idiot, carrying three clarinets? lol.

went back to school for band.. i don't know why daniel lets julian keep the band room keys when he's obviously going to oversleep and make us wait for him to come open the door and waste time. gah. band started at 12; julian came at 1. make that 1+. he seemed a little miffed when he came. simin asked why he was so late, and juian told her that he had "fainted on the way there so my mum who just happened to be on the way back home had to ask someone to help her bring me back home then when i woke up i rushed here already lor." then simin said that he could have called someone in the band, but julian's ever-so-witty replay was that "faint liao how to call??"

dots..

band was okay.. terrence and kwang liang didn't come.. then when sujin was telling us to go for sectionals, he mentioned something about sl's somethingsomething, then me and ika were like, what sl? kenneth decided to go join the saxophone section, you see. haha poor ika's on her own.

well, went to play lan after band with julian, kiong wee, sujin, kenneth, jason, vickie, clement, and jun wei.. hwaee and michelle were there too i think? haha. after that went home.. tired.

this morning marcus called me.. sigh i forgot to call him back. i fell asleep again after i put down the phone. sigh.. anyway, him and michelle tan are enjoying themselves at wild wild wet right about now..

yes, and i'm going to meet him and michelle now~! going beach..

sigh wanted to sms him but in the end didn't get a chance to? never mind, later i'll just sms him or something..

sigh

2005-06-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

fmaths paper.. don't wanna talk about it.

really tired today.. came home after going to buy school rumble book 4.. came online.. and then..........

sigh. i don't want to talk about it..

988 746853 6659 729 844647 5453 8428 9436 968'73 7374687 22688 48..
9436 968 729 43 968 78263 2 242623..
93'73 3438336 93277 27278.
968 27533 43 4 9455 23 843 663.
4 366'8 5669 9428 86 729 2696673..

tried to sleep but couldn't.. because of what someone said to me.. i feel tired but i just can't get to sleep..

432782243..
47 8447 367 7325?

sigh..

physics

2005-06-29T13:29:00.000+08:00

a killer paper.

what i studied didn't come out.
what i failed to understand was set in the paper.

the jc2s are in the middle of their math paper now. mag, michelle and ika are in the middle of their bio paper as well, if i'm not wrong.

last night, terrence explaned projectile motion to me. i kinda understood but i knew that physics was a gone case. haha. i went to the band room this morning to pia physics. i spy with my little eye, "my dream came true when i found you" scribbled in the notes in the middle of the notes on motion in a circle. no prizes for guessing whose notes they are. no, they're not my notes. haha.

i have ice cream envy me. muahahahahaha.
okay that was so random.

physics paper killed me. the last three questions alone made up 33% of the paper. it's insane i tell you. insane!! oh well.

after paper, i went to the band room again. kiong wee, clement and kian hong were there.. went to have lunch with them, sujin came and left, blah. was supposed to go comic shopping with benjamin but he disappered after paper.. he said he's too depressed about the paper. poor boy.

left school when their math paper started.. ran into julian at the bus stop..

julian: hey. no more papers liao arh?
me: today none le, tomorrow still got fmaths.
julian: oh, too bad.

fine, so you finish papers today. no reason to be so mean *scowls* oh well. guess i should be used to it liao? it's julian after all. sigh.

shall see what random fmaths notes i have lying around then pia fmaths. haha.

common test, day two: return of the death-wish.

2005-06-28T16:54:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIONG WEE!

not that he'll read this but hey. i get a kick out of it.

you know you're screwed when you come from an fmaths class and can only do questions 1, 2 and 3 of the maths c paper.

i'm so glad i'm not one of those people ^_^ okay fine so i'm evil. i only couldn't do two questions out of six. it's crazy. question 9 carries 11 marks. question 10 carries 12 marks. and questions 1, 2 and 3 carry 4, 4, and 5 marks respectively.

oh yeah they're screwed xD

of course, i won't be like varun, going around proclaiming, "i'm getting seventy. *beams*"(the paper's upon seventy, by the way. odd number.) and then scream "hah! sixty-nine! i'm getting seventy woohoo!!" strange people.

so yes. i had maths paper today, if you couldn't tell. went for lunch(sorta) with genevia at tmart macs after opening the band room door for wanjun and kian hong, then headed to the band room with kian hong's lunch. sujin was in the band room, studying his physics. kiong wee came after sujin left, then julian called me to ask for the keys. but his paper was starting; no choice, stay in the room until he finish his paper.

fell asleep mugging physics. daniel came into the room, woke me up. sujin and kiong wee came in after. what really woke me up was julian barging into the room screaming "strip kiong wee!!!!!" okay, so i exaggerate, he didn't scream. but it was like a war cry. haha. i know he wants revenge for that time kiong wee, sujin, azfar and christopher stripped him buck-naked. haha. then kiong wee was like, "what, what." and stalking julian all around the room.. i think julian was kinda scared of him haha!

they're going to do it either tomorrow or on friday, so if you don't want to watch then don't come to the band room!(you'll hear screaming, but i doubt it'll be kiong wee who's screaming haha!)

i'm gonna bring my camera. =x hahahahahahaha. evil me.

ran into terrence at the bus stop.. jc2s just finished their physics common test when i left because i had to wait for julian.. i didn't see him till he called out my name haha. borrowed his physics notes. so i have terrence's physics notes and kenneth's chemistry notes. yay. like my physics and chemistry notes are so clean la can.

i want
-ichigo 100% book 13
-ouran koukou host club book 2
-school rumble book 4
-h3 school! book 2 to 5

maybe going to buy tomorrow? hmm. see how lor.

ever had the feeling that you'd rather die than take exams? or that you know you're gonna fail because you didn't study enough? yeah. my death-wish. haha.

okay la. i shall go study physics liao. hmm ter's handwriting very nice haha. okay don't get distracted =x

school, common test, and beach

2005-06-27T18:52:00.000+08:00

just got home.. today was first day of school. i was so happy to see everyone again, especially the first three month s92ers.. haha.. ian has wierd hair now!! =x

chinese was the first paper of the day.. sigh.. could die. but i think it was okay..

chem the second paper.. i retrieved kenneth's notes from under the band room door.. i thought he and kiong wee wanted to pia maths today, wonder what happened to that.. oh well. pia-ed chem one hour before paper.. okay la, i think if i pass it will be a miracle lol.

then after that i went for waffle with genevia, then we went to the beach. we talked about a lot of stuff.. haha.. well, we're just really great friends, i really appreciate genevia. =) yeah. peter messaged me, after so long, to ask about school and *ahemguysahem*, yeah. haha.

quite tired. wanna talk to peter some more, but he's not responding to my smses liao? maybe he's busy at work la.

sigh. tata.

ladila.

2005-06-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

bon jovi's i'll be there for you, featured in the movie "a lot like love". enjoy.

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
Well as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love is suicide
You say you've cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore
I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance girl

I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you
When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
Well I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday
And baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your Valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you
When you breathe I wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you

I wasn't there when you were happy
And I wasn't there when you were down
Didn't mean to miss your birthday baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you
When you breathe I wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for...

I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you
When you breathe I wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
I'd steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you...

it's really hilarious listening to kiong wee's version. especially when i said i thought he sang better than ashton kutcher, then he went into an imitation rendition of ashton kutcher. haha! it was so funny. =) haha.

mum's car is going to malaysia tomorrow, and after that it's off to the scrapyard.. i guess this is goodbye to the car that's been with my family for the past 39 years.. kinda sad. we took pictures downstairs just now. gonna print some for keeps. yeah..

oh, ran into my neighbours just now. a whole family of girls. there was this guy with them who reminded me of jason, think it's the eldest daughter's boyfriend or something. haha.

i'll be there for you,these five words i swear to you..

a piece of you = a piece of heaven.

another song also entitled "I'll be there for you", from the sitcom friends.. it's really nice too. haha.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way [four claps]
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

CHORUS
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast so far, things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell when the world has brought you down to your knees

CHORUS

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you
Yeah!

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

CHORUS

yeah. haha. what's d.o.a. anyway? haha.

hmm.. wishing.

+++

BOY: I need someone to talk to..
GIRL: I'm always here for you.
BOY: I know.
GIRL: What's wrong?
BOY: I like her *s0o* much..
GIRL: Talk to her.
BOY: I don't know.. she'll never like me.
GIRL: Don't say that. You're amazing.
BOY: I just wanna tell her how I feel ..
GIRL: Then tell her.
BOY: She won't like me.
GIRL: How do you know that?
BOY: I can just tell.
GIRL: Well, just tell her.
BOY: What should I say?
GIRL: Tell her how much you like her.
BOY: I tell her that daily.
GIRL: What you mean?
BOY: I'm always with her. I love her.
GIRL: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me.
BOY: Wait. Who do you like?
GIRL: Ooh, some boy..
BOY: Ooh, she won't like me either.
GIRL: She does.
BOY: How do you know..?
GIRL: Because who wouldn't like you?
BOY: You..
GIRL: You're wrong. I love you.
BOY: I love you too.
GIRL: ..so are you going to talk to her?
BOY: I just did.

+++

something sweet to end off the day with.

not looking forward to papers tomorrow.. already given up on chem..
he smells nice. haha. =)
gotta open band room door tomorrow, hope i can wake up earlier.. sian.

gosh.

2005-06-26T12:01:00.000+08:00

because guanyu was bo liao enough to do this, and because she was bo liao enough to tag me to do it, this is why i am bo liao enough to do this bo liao thing. here goes.

First, the procedure: Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.

1. Pei Yun @ http://oceanskies79.blogspot.com
2. Rantings of a Kontrabassist @ http://pinkified.blogspot.com
3. i'm the king, king, king of the castle, not you dude! @ http://erlkonig.diary-land.com
4. GuanYu @ http://cheesey-madness.blogspot.com
5. Nathasha @ http://aoi-tenshi.blogspot.com

Next, five things I miss about my childhood:
1. the fact that i could wake up at 7 when school started at 7.30 because school was right next door.

2. well, back then, topping the class was a breeze. enough said.

3. fooling around with the kids younger than me and messing with their heads. like teaching them all the wrong things haha. how innocent.

4. no boy problems. gah.

5. oh, catching spiders and all manner of insects. *grin*

Finally the tags: i pass this to
1. michelle ngiam
2. feline
3. jessica

muahahha. wonder if they're as bo liao as me on this random sunday morning.

+++

gosh. makes me wonder what the hell the world is coming to. arlianny put up a post on friendster, it went something like this.

"This morning, my friend sent me a post which he encountered at one of the feedback websites... it's just amazing how some people can be... the moderator has deleted the post, but nonetheless, many has seen it. i just thought i'll share with you, what the "elite" of singapore thinks about poly students... just really saddening.

Link

Look at the post by "Anonymous" on 23/06/2005 at 01:45:16AM... it should be the most recent post or else the moderator had already deleted the post

_______________________________

THis is what he said :

Anonymous RE: The Singapore Elite
23/06/2005 01:45:16AM
I refer to this issue and would like to offer my opinions.

Coming from a top jc in Singapore and studying at NUS, I cannot help it but really have to laugh at my fellow countrymen.

Many of those poly students who cannot get into local universities easily get 2nd upper or 1st class honours from overseas universities. These people may then pursue a PhD and end up as professors at NTU and NUS.

How can our universities be world-class when we have a bunch of 2nd class citizens kidding themselves as "professors". Hello! Wake up!

Poly students should be banned from further studies. NTU and NUS should only be reserved for the brightest jc students and we together with the foreigners will form the elite of Singapore!

I seriously hate those poly students.... they even have problems getting their Bachelors... do PhD? Don't make me laugh!"

let me analyse this person's so-called opinions.

1. ...bunch of 2nd class citizens...
what makes a second-class citizen? one who has not been to a jc? one who pursues their studies overseas? or some pathetic bastard who can't even leave his name while he attacks people who are weaker - i use weaker, not lower-class, than him? how can he feel that he is so right in calling poly students second-class? he probably does not know that there are many poly students who become successful people even though they did not make the cut for admission into local universities. and then, my dear friend, what would you call those from jcs who choose to study overseas, like those poly students? or those from jcs who cannot make the cut for local universities? are they second-class citizens as well? you, my friend, are terribly wrong.

the fact that they can go on to foreign universities(with much higher standards than our local universities, i presume, seeing you pointedly said that our universities are not world-class), the fact that they can get 2nd upper or first class honors, shows that they have enourmous potential. and the fact that they can come back to singapore and pursue a phd.. doesn't that tell you something? what makes you think that they can 'easily' get the honors?

2. ...end up as professors at NTU and NUS.
the fact that they are qualified to be professors says a lot. fullstop.

3. poly students should be banned from further studies.
so where would that leave them? dear anonymous contradicts himself in this way by saying that he has no respect for the poly students who further their studies overseas, then says that they should not be even given a chance for admission into local universities. then what should the poly students do? why don't you offer some constructive comments instead of shooting your mouth off, dear anonymous.

4. NTU and NUS should only be reserved for the brightest jc students and we together with the foreigners will form the elite of Singapore!
so he's against singaporean students studying overseas but he's okay with the giant influx of foreign students coming to study in singapore? and he's okay with letting the so-called 'elite' class consist of people who study here, leave singapore and go back to where they came from? in other words, his 'elite' class consists of only the singaporean jc students. let me tell you something, friend.. jc isn't everything. jc doesn't gurantee you a comfortable life, cars, houses, maids-in-waiting.. no such thing. you choose where you want to study, if you make it, good, if not, look for other alternatives, finish studying, get out there and get a job. same as everyone else. and just because you studied in nus doesn't mean you boss isn't going to treat you like shit on your first day, or on your days to come. just because you studied in nus doesn't mean you're more impressive than someone who studied overseas. a university is still a university. at the end of the day, you still get the cert. if you got your cert in nus, and xyz got their cert in abc university, it won't make a difference because it's still a university cert.

..and you have no right to hate the poly students. what have they done to you man. you coming from a 'top jc' doesn't give you the right to critisize others. doesn't give you a right to say what should or should not be done. let's wait till you're the next prime minister, then we'll talk. even though you're in nus, or came from a top jc, this post clearly shows that you don't use your brain enough before opening your mouth.

so, now, what will people think of nus students?

bloody f*cked-up arrogant egoistic bunch.

and hey, i wouldn't blame them.

jackasses like this one make life terrible for people. i vote we kick him out of singapore and let him be all 'patriotic' somewhere else. gah. one less idiot will make the world a better place for all.

why can't we love everyone?

sigh. young people these days.

studying!

2005-06-25T18:24:00.000+08:00

i have completed physics, math, and fmath(except theory of equation). all that's left is chem, and i've already started on it.

yesterday, went to school to study. christopher had asked me to ask julian to open the band room and 10.30 but he was nowhere in sight. kiong wee, christopher, kenneth and woanrong came. did physics, then we went for lunch. chong hui came to look for us after.

by the time julian came, it was 3.30. he came looking like he just woke up(i think he did), and left with a face like thunder. talk about bad mood huh. went into the band room, where i did math behind the marimba, listening to kenneth's mp3 player at the same time. the guys went to play risk, and kenneth took out his sax. christopher was fooling around on the oboe. after a while, kiong wee and christopher left(but not before kiong wee made sure i knew how to lock the band room haha), around 5+. so me, woanrong and chong hui took out some instruments.. i took out a trombone, woanrong took kenneth's sax and chong hui took out some random person's trumpet.

we tried to play 7th night of july.. ahhhhhh!! my tone sucks now!! i want my tone back! ._. my sound on the trombone was totally awful.. couldn't hit the high notes.. i used to be able to!! *wails* then i switched the trombone for an euphonium but honestly, i didn't sound much better. *wails some more*

soon after, woanrong left, then chong hui.. ms norzian came into the room, apparently there was alumni practice that night.. then chong hui messaged me to tell me the gates were locked. so i quickly ushered kenneth and his friend out of the room.. then we wandered around trying to find a gate that was open.. went home.

talked to marcus for a long time last night. =)

today, went to school again. i was supposed to open the band room but all the shutters were locked!! there was no way to get up to the band room. so i met up with woanrong, kiong wee(who cut his hair but kept the fringe) and kwang liang outside the council room.. trust the school to choose today to do their fumigation! bloody smoke was choking.

my stuff was all in the band room, but woanrong had chong hui's notes on thermochemistry, so i borrowed that first. kiong wee was quite amused by the way this insect landed on his arm and then couldn't move because of the forest of arm hair.. =x he was playing with the insect using his pen and two pencils. then he asked if the bug would grow back a leg that it lost. haha, that bug's now crippled!! =x oops. haha. then, at 12pm, the school attendant came to chase us out of school.. something about it being a half-day. got such thing meh??

so we went off.. went to have lunch at the food court in tampines mall. met kenneth at the bus interchange. he had come after his climb at bukit timah with his family, haha! ran into julian and jingjing at the interchange as well, while we were staring at initial d being played on some random tv screen. they were going to bedok library, so we asked them to keep spaces for us, and we'd join them later. then we wandered around the supermarket trying to find the drinks section. it was hard because they're in the middle of renovations right now! hmm. woanrong left early because she had snyo.

took 69 to bedok interchange.. kiong wee was cracking lame jokes about anything and everything. when we reached the library, we went to look for julian and jingjing. then we decided to go upstairs to the children's section of the library to study! haha. sat in a corner and revised. after a while kiong wee got bored and started pulling out random books to read.

oh, we had this mini-discussion on whether e, as in ln e, is a number or a function. kiong wee says it's a function because it needs to rely on a constant in order to produce a numerical value; kwang liang and i say it's a number, 2.7somethingsomething. kenneth had no say in the matter because he had wandered off to get something to eat. thought he was rather distracted today, like the way he went and hid in a corner to make a phone call. hmm. haha!

at around 5, we went down to find julian and jingjing. kwang liang and i had to leave to go home, but i think the rest went out.

i want to play lan!! it's been absolute ages since i last played. chong hui said he's going to take five of us on at once. so far, my team has kiong wee, julian, and kenneth. one more person! we're so going to pwn chong hui. haha! oh, can't wait to go play pool too! organise mini outing yes? haha.

hmm.. rather tired. had a headache on the way home, and here i am, blogging. the things i do to keep my random readers happy. oh well. such is life, i guess.

airport

2005-06-23T16:41:00.000+08:00

actually wanted to meet ika at school today, but woanrong asked me to go to the airport to study with them, i.e. her, one of her friends, chong hui, kwang liang, kiong wee and christopher.

she told me 10.30, so i reached around that time. problem: i haven't been to the airport in ages, like almost four+ years, so when i reached burger king, i wasn't sure if it was the right one. sat there for a while looking stupid.. then took another walk around the airport trying to find them. then i called woanrong, chong hui and christopher.. they were actually at the same bk that i was at, only they were blocked by the pillar so i didn't see them! how stupid man.. haha..

studied physics.. then we went for lunch.. actually only kiong wee, kwang liang and christopher were there when i arrived.. those guys are so lame man.. haha.. every five minutes have something crappy to say. then kiong wee kept trying to sing that song in a lot like love. i'll be there for you, these five words i swear to you, when you breathe, i wanna be the air for you, i'll be there for you.(it's from bon jovi's i'll be there for you, kiong wee will be thrilled that i found out the third line lol!) he said he was going to find an electric guitar to strumm and sing that. and we're all gonna shout, "you suck!" hehee. we're gonna have an outing after the common tests to watch that movie!

when we went for lunch, woanrong and her friend came. crap i forgot her name already.. haha. we went to popeye's after leaving the boys at the staff canteen. talked about a lot of stuff. yeah.. haha.

went to meet the guys at bk again. chong hui came already by then. the guys were playing dai di and they bought ten boxes of those star potato things at bk! ten boxes! haha. we girls were studying. so hardworking right! i was doing math. haha. julian came with his girlfriend jingjing.. haha.. then i think they were discussing ******'s birthday present.. haha.. i listened to them and i knew what they were talking about already! haha christopher was still blur tho. julian sat somewhere further off with his girlfriend and the game of dai di continued.. haha.

then i had to go, because i'm having my piano lesson in.. 5 minutes! haha! =) when i left the guys were still playing dai di.. woanrong and her friend were still studying.. and julian was asleep on the table. haha!

going back tomorrow though. it's fun studying with the guys, and i have to admit, it's better than studying by myself haha. and i did get a lot done today! haha. meeting marcus in the morning first, he needs to see my fmath notes. then i'll get him to help me abit with physics, before i go meet the guys and do more math. i guess. what else can i do? chem? oh please. don't make me laugh.

hey, who's that anonymous man. it's twb can. haha. =)

2005-06-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless your heart
i bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
through the way things appear
you're looking into my heart

i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about you
it's all about you, jesus
i'm sorry lord for the things i've made it
when it's all about you
it's all about you, jesus.

i especially love the last three lines of the first verse.. you search much deeper within, through the way things appear, you're looking into my heart. if only we humans could do this too. look past the surface and look deeper. why are people's impressions affected by countenance?
i try, really, i do.
[character counts more than countenance] was what i once told someone.. i mean what i said.. and i know you understood.
but it was too late.

dot

2005-06-22T14:01:00.000+08:00

might not go to school after all. hmm.

1. If there is one thing I can't stand it's people who whine. gah.
2. I love it when i get compliments! =) who doesn't love compliments!
3. My boyfriend/girlfriend is non-existant, thankyou. unless you count the tuba in the band room, we're married. =)
4. My best friend is a wonderful gal. and i love her lots.
5. I love my family because i love them. does love need a reason?
6. When I first met my best friend we were kinda not-very-good-friends. haha. strange how things work.
7. I've never scored an a1 in mep. haha.
8. I would never dislike someone who's nice. haha.
9. One really good piece of advice someone has ever given me was to forget all the wrongs he's done me and concentrate on studies.. i could see him later. thank you! =) good luck for a's this year you.
10. If/When I get married I want for our marriage to last forever. haha wishful thinking? hmm.
11. If/When I get married, our first dance will be to something slow. =)
12. If I could live ANYWHERE in the world, it would be in the countryside. somewhere in canada, maybe, near the mountains.
13. My dream house is big, and it has lots of outside space, too.
14. My top five favorite bands are i don't really listen to bands haha.. unless concert bands.. haha.. then tkwo(tokyo-kosei), tkgssb, tpjcsb, tjcsb and uh.. i don't know. haha.
15. My top five favorite singers are utada hikaru, ayumi hamasaki, ryan cabrera, collin raye, and uh stefanie sun. =)
16. One Nsync song I actually like is drive myself crazy. i think that's the title. or is it just 'crazy'? hmm.
17. One Britney Spears song I can tolerate and can actually admit to liking is everytime.
19. Disney movies are cool hehee.
20. Johnny Depp is quirky! haha.
21. Milla Jokavich is quite unknown to me.
22. When I turn/turned 21 the first thing I did/will do was/is i haven't decided yet. haha.
23. I'm in love with you. lalala.
24. I could eat nothing more. i'm quite full from lunch you know.
25. Four friends I would love to live with are marcus, vanessa, michelle, and jessica!
26. My mother is there.
27. when you're trying to decide what is the best movie ever, it's always a matter of perspective lol!
28. random sushi place is the best place to eat.
29. If I were famous, I would be uh, rich? haha.
30. One person, alive or dead, I would like to meet would be uhh.. someone? haha.
31. The one person I've learned the most from in my life is ...i don't know, actually. there are many people i learn from. all my great friends. and then there are the others. bits from everyone. =)
32. I wish I could be stronger when it comes to emotions and matters of the heart..
33. I wish I was more sure of what i am feeling.
34. The first person who ever broke my heart was twb. i'm sure many people know him. never did change.
35. I can't believe that people can't believe that i had an 8-month relationship with twb. oh well. get over it.
36. I have lived in pasir ris for 10++ years already.
37. Love is wierd.
38. Seeing is not necessarily believing.
39. I look far. but i'm not threatened by the future.
40. The Olsen twins are strange.
41. The one thing I feel like right now is cecegbc. band members will understand it! haha.
42. This one time my friends and I climbed out of school through the hole in the fence. whee cool~
43. The last time I cried was in september. i don't intend to cry any time soon.
44. I am very confused.
45. I wish that you'd give me a chance.
46. Love is a wonderful thing when you have it.
47. My dad is somewhere overseas.
48. I regret ever meeting you. no, wait, i don't. why do you confuse me so. ._.
49. I wish to be slimmer damnit. =x
50. I need someone to talk to. right now.
51. I want my friends. i miss them badly.
52. I've always loved having my close friends around.
53. I can't handle people who cry. =x

i am bored. i need someone to talk to. i wish you'd give me a chance.

968'83 924833 34448336 666847.
4 7243, "366'8 968 84465 48'7 8463 86 367438 437? 23837 255, 84373 9455 23 68437 44757 946 5453 968 866."
288 968 7243, "4'6 237243 8428 4 226'8 5453 8436 2225."
669, 4 9268 86 275 968, "9455 968 4483 63 2 242623?"
"43 968 36 668 5453 63 78455, 48'7 6529."
"288 47 48 76774253 367 968 86 3836 879 86 5453 63?"
"67 26 4 275464 367 866 6824?"

sigh

2005-06-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

uploaded more photos onto my msn space.. quite bored. check out the photos here. quite sian lei..

dreaming.. somehow it's almost like a dream..

perhaps it is a dream. perhaps..

oh dear. i'm getting confused again. ._.

can't wait for school to start.. not that i like the common tests or anything, but it means i get to see everyone again.. one month is just too long for me.. i have very bad s29 and band withdrawal.. =( i can't wait for everything to be normal.. to go up to the band room every morning.. slacking with the band members.. joking with the s29 people.. i miss the old s29ers especially badly..

sian.. what's wrong with me..

want someone to talk to.. is that too much to ask?

batman!

2005-06-22T11:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday, went to meet guanyu, rebecca and yiqin for lunch..

that dim sum place was at takashimaya, quite nice, even though we spent ages trying to decide what to order, haha! in the end we just ordered small stuffs, like xiao long bao, that kind of thing. yummy! oh man, it was so nice! haha.

haha, guanyu actually put up what we ordered in her blog.. here it is.

2 - xiao long bao
1 - chicken wings marinated in prawn paste
1 - zha leong
1 - pumpkin dessert
1 - deep fried prawn dumplings with salad
1 - zha jiang mian (super big la!)

yeah the noodles was super huge.. haha.. only had one small bowl of it.. but i think it was a little spicy too. the pumpkin dessert was delish! haha! it's like fried somewhat, then there's the icing sugar sprinkled on top! then it's like, when i breathe out, the icing sugar on top will just fly off! then guanyu was quite amused, so she 'copied' what i did, only she blew off practically all the icing sugar on her piece! haha! that made me laugh and more sugar went flying. it was such a hilarious sight, and when the waitress was nearby guanyu would desperately try to pretend nothing was wrong.. haha.

went to plaza singapura after that to watch batman begins.. it's a really nice movie! you guys should go watch it! =) although it's really long.. at least got 2hrs long.. haha.. it's so cool watching him put together his own gadgets and stuff. and then there's the car!! it's like omgmanthat'ssofreakingcool!!!!! haha then we went walking around.. tried to look for little bottles.. but couldn't find.. anyone know where i can get glass bottles about the size of the small beer bottles? or slightly smaller? haha.. can't find at all. jessica said vodka bottles, and she'd be happy to drink the vodka if i paid for it. haha. but what, nine bottles?? haha.

came home.. nothing much. tried doing more chem but i think i failed. sigh.

nothing much today either. my cousin's over here, but she didn't bring vycki. aww! haha. well. quite tired, slept till 11 today! haha. and here i am.

i shall not muse too much today, it's not good for me.

maybe i shall go to school later, to meet ika and benji to study. after all, i need help with chem. and maybe me and benji will do fmath. theory of equation is killing me.

sigh sigh..

orchard

2005-06-21T11:37:00.000+08:00

i'm off to meet guanyu, rebecca, yiqin(?) and maybe dinah in a bit at orchard.. we're going to have lunch at this really nice dim sum place(or so says guanyu) and we're going to watch a movie. haha. if i'm lucky i'll run into benji or marucs, they're going to be in that area.

in fact, i'd better leave now.. haha.. maybe ill be late for once.

tata. =)

-

2005-06-20T18:03:00.000+08:00

screaming.

367438 437, 326648.
743'7 668 843 6659 663 688 84373 367 968.
226'8 968 733, 48's 69 279 367 4357, 69 7532 367 2774782623..
326648.

frustrated.

poke it

2005-06-20T16:52:00.000+08:00

i feel like poking my chinchillas. just to see what'll happen.

actually, i do know what'll happen.

ruby will hop around, annoyed.
peanut will run awy and then stare at my finger.
raisin will turn around and try to bite me.
momo will just open one eye and glare.

my brother brought home his girlfriend's hamster a few days back. it's quite tiny. hmm. and it has a suicidal tendency. when i took it out of its cage two days ago, the thing spent all its time trying to jump out of my hands onto the ground. it's crazy.

but hey, who cares.

hmm.

2005-06-20T15:43:00.000+08:00

thoughts.

thoughts of me,
thoughts of you.

thoughts of the past,
thoughts of the now,
thoughts of the future.

thoughts of the old,
thoughts of the new.

thoughts of the things that changed,
thoughts of the things that never will.

thoughts of him,
thoughts of her,
thoughts of us,
thoughts of them.

thoughts.

thoughts of me,
thoughts of you,
thoughts of us.

you know, sometimes it hurts to think of the past, or stumble upon something that reminds you of the past. i know the feeling all too well. sometimes it's better to forget, sometimes it's better to remember. in this case.. i don't know which. i've tried to forget, but you're still there, in a corner of my mind. i try to remember but it hurts too badly to do so. it makes me wonder what life would have been like without you. i probably wouldn't be so open. i probably would think less about stuff, unlike now when i can spend hours thinking about the same thing, over and over.

well, what am i doing here, then?

i don't know. i feel strangely.. indifferent.

i hear the songs. i know they're not meant for me. they never were. but time and time again, they amaze me.. i don't know why, but while it used to make me feel like crying, my cursor goes up to that little box with an 'x' and goes *click*. i don't know why i still go there in the first place. after all..

you know, i don't understand why i still dwell on the past. i'd really like to move on with my life, meet new people. in fact, i do move on, but a part of me is just lagging behind, and i need to pull it back.

i'm stubborn.. i refused to remove all traces of you from my life, the way you erased me from yours. i guess, in the end, it's my fault after all.. but i can't just let it go the way you could.. if i did, it would mean forgetting many other memories of other fun times i shared with other people, the things that they did that reminded me of you, or just talking to some of them about you. like that birthday celebration, when i walked with him, and we talked. or rather, he brought it up out of jest. or those times i talked to him over sms. those were good times as well.. but if i were to forget you, does that mean i have to forget those conversations i had with him? how could i forget? it's impossible.

i want to forget.
i need to forget.
i have to.
because i have to move on.
yet..
something holds me back.

i know it's regret.

nat, move on with life, please.

76 6269 84637 968 7243 968'3 367438.
76 6269 84637 968 78455 7363623733.
5878 367438 446.
6683 66.
4 9268 86 279..
288 843 83277 5878 966'8 2663.
949?
4 48377..
4 48377 4 36 6333 7663663 86 8255 86 866.
949 646 48 8253 76 5664 367 63 86 733?
968'73 5878 668 843 663 367 63.

if.

2005-06-20T13:50:00.000+08:00

i hear the song.

finally, i hear it.

and it brings emotions i never knew existed.

if a picture paints a thousand words
then why can't i paint you
the words will never show
the you i've come to know

if a face can launch a thousand ships
then where am i to go
there's no one home but you
you're all that's left me too

and when my love for life is running dry
you come and pour yourself on me

if a man could be two places at one time
i'd be with you
tomorrow and today
beside you all the way

if the world should stop revolving
spinning slowly down to die
i'd spend the end with you
and when the world was through

then one by one the stars would all go out
then you and i would simply fly away

i dare you to tell me it didn't touch you.

dearest

2005-06-20T11:38:00.000+08:00

i like that song on ter's blog, haha. i can just leave his blog open and let the song keep playing. haha.. it's dearest by ayumi hamasaki. i've got the lyrics below, and the english translation, but i'm not sure how accurate it is. i'm going to try and see if i can get that song on radioblogclub.com. meanwhile..

hontou ni taisetsu na mono igai subete sutete
shimaetara ii no ni ne
genjitsu wa tada zankoku de

sonna toki itsu datte
me o tojireba
waratteru kimi ga iru

itsuka eien no nemuri ni tsuku hi made
dou ka sono egao ga
taema naku aru you ni

hito wa minna kanashii kara
wasurete yuku ikimono dakedo

aisubeki mono no tame
ai o kureru mono no tame dekiru koto

deatta ano koro wa
subete ga bukiyou de
toomawari shita yo ne
kizutsuke atta yo ne

itsuka eien no nemuri ni tsuku hi made
dou ka sono egao ga
taema naku aru you ni

deatta ano koro wa
subete ga bukiyou de
toomawari shita yo ne
tadoritsuitan da ne

the engish translation

It would be nice if we could put away and throw out
everything except what really mattered, but
reality is just cruel.

In such times,
I see you laughing
whenever I close my eyes.

Until the day I reach eternal sleep,
that smiling face will
have to stay with me without fail.

People are all sad, so
they go and forget, but--

For that which I should love,
For that which gives me love, I will do what I can.

Back then, when we met,
it was all awkward.
We went the long way, didn't we?
We got hurt, didn't we?

Until the day I reach eternal sleep,
that smiling face will
have to stay with me without fail.

Back then, when we met,
it was all awkward.
We went the long way, didn't we?
We got there in the end.

oh whee, it's on radioblogclub! haha.. whee. why are all beautiful songs in japanese? it's such a complicated language =x my grandad tried to explain it to me before, the way you used a word with reference to items, people, place, and time. a single word has so many variations depending on how it's used.. i was already confused by then! haha.

yup. reality is cruel. haha.. well, guess we all can't be living in a fantasy.

tomorrow going to watch a movie and have dim sum lunch with guanyu and a few random friends.. hey we should ask feline along, shouldn't we? hehee. i have to treat guanyu to lunch tomorrow.. hope she doesn't go and eat too much.. otherwise my wallet got hole le.. ._. so sad! haha.

bouncing to cyndi wang's honey. haha.. hmm now tong hua's playing. =) i like that song a lot too. it sounds so earnest. haha.

i like fairytales, even though they aren't real or anything. no suprise that i love fiction and fantasy.. haha. i really should start writing again.. i feel like that part of me is missing. i haven't written anything for the past six months! i'm probably rusty already.. darn. i really want to write, but i don't seem to have any inspiration anymore.. jc sucks the creativity out of you. darn.. haha.

i do remember buddy, though, and i do still miss her a lot. oh well.

this is foolish's interpretation of buddy.. she's all i imagined, and then some.

it's kinda big and long, yes..

i miss foolish.
i miss the nwn gang..

template

2005-06-19T14:22:00.000+08:00

yes, a new template.

yes, it has errors. and i don't know why, all right? haha.

but it's so cute. simple and plain, no?

guanyu asked me to do a trigo proving problem. normally i solve these really quickly, but somehow this one seems to be.. more difficult than usual.

sin x + cos x = [(cos x)/(1 - tan x)] + [(sin x)/(1 - cot x)]

haha. i've tried about five different approaches, manupilating the tangent and cotangent, the sine and cosine, making them into a single fraction, blah blah.. haha. shan't bore you.

ah, guanyu's friend solved it. i know where i went wrong.. #($&! careless mistake. haha.

`it's hard to say the sords sometimes.. but i just want you to know that i feel this way about you.. and i hope you feel the same way about me too.*]]

and hey, this is cute. enjoy.

HE: "can I buy you a drink?"
SHE: "Actually I'd rather have the money."

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!

HE: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Your face must turn a few heads!
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

hehee. =)

for lack of a better title.

2005-06-18T16:20:00.000+08:00

i have an ulcer on my bottom lip owowow.

here's what i've been up to.

wednesday, 15th june

khairul didn't call so i assumed no pw meeting. hah. didn't want to go anyway.

headed out to town with michelle and vera. wanted to do some shopping! whee. haha. before that, i went back to school to get my tys-es and notes from my locker.. i didn't know how much stuff i had in there! my bag was so heavy after that! =x

we went to have lunch at takashimaya's foodcourt, then walked around looking for something nice. we walked and walked and walked but nothing caught my eye except the tees in the men's section of the mall.. =x oops.. haha. was supposed to be looking for something nicer! haha. in the middle of everything, ika smsed me something rather.. shocking. haha! i told her, that if she knew, i'd have to kill her. haha. finally we ended up at far east, and i tried on a few shirts. this lady tried to give me a small pair of jeans(which i obviously couldn't fit into ._.) but the shirts were nice.. and i had a hard time deciding which one to get. in the end i got this nice black tee which had this, uhm, knot in it. like, they cut the shirt, twisted the material to get a knot of sorts and sewed it back. i didn't like the knot haha. but i bought the shirt anyway, because i thought it could be, well, saved. haha.

after that, we went down to haagen daaz for ice cream.. it's so sinful. it was so chocolate-y. haha! but it was a nice treat.

then i went home, came online for a while but didn't update. then i packed and left for my grandma's place. talked to ika on the phone for a long time..

thursday, 16th june

i showed my grandma the shirt that i bought, and she helped me take out the knot! now it's just a nice black shirt with gray underneath, so it looks like i'm wearing two shirts. it's really nice! =) did some revision, then got ready to go out to meet mag and ter. it was supposed to be tuba+string bass, but julian wasn't going for the concert, kwang liang was uncontactable, jessica had stuff on and kenneth pang seh us to treat alan to cafe cartel! haha.

wore that new shirt to the concert! haha. i couldn't wear my akademics one, it's too large. left my grandma's at 4.45pm, and just as i stepped out of the house, ter smsed me and asked, where and what time are we meeting later? haha.. so i told him again, and he said he was still at home(ter, i really bai4 to you already.. haha)! he told me to meet the others first and he'd find us later.. i wanted to ask, what others? it's only you, me and mag! haha.

met mag at raffles place mrt, and we walked around some random building for a while and waited for ter. when he reached, we went to bk for dinner. i didn't know that the concert was at 8, so i asked them to meet at 5.30pm! haha so much time. so we sat and stoned for a long time, waiting for jessica(who was in the area). finally we walked off to victoria concert hall, where we saw most of the tpjc band people, as well as a few ex-tkgs band members. met jessica and yogendran there. ter went to join kwang liang and the rest, so the four of us sat together.

acjc played and the multitude with one voice spoke, firestorm, first suite in e flat, gloriosa, gr selections, and some other songs which i forgot.. haha. well, it was really enjoyable, especially the percussion ensomble! they had all kinds of songs, like happy tree friends and myojo instant noodles and looney tunes! haha. it was so fun! the percussion ensomble should have an encore man. haha.

oh, i forgot to see who edwina was. darn. haha.

there was one part after the interval when i sat next to yogendran, and we kept disturbing each other! like there was one song where one of the student conductors was conducting, then yogi told me, stop looking, he's gay. and i said, really, he's gay? just when the crowd softened down! it was so loud lah! haha. stupid yogi disturb me lah. haha.

after the concert, me, mag, yogi, jessica, nicholas and another percussion girl i think went to macs. yogi was being silly again and i chased him, and he really ran =x haha. we sat around and told lame jokes.. then alan, kenneth, junwei, sazali and christopher came. haha. we were telling all sorts of lame jokes and basically ignoring them(not after i smacked kenneth.. pang seh).

then we walked to raffles place mrt together.. went home with jun wei and alan. talked to alan abit after junwei alighted.. yup.

friday, 17th june

it was 12am and i was talking to ika about something. ohwell. she says he's blind. *shrugs*

friday was uneventful. good morning, good night. studied abit and talked to ika some more.

saturday, 18th june, i.e. today

no one called me to tell me that s29 was going to sentosa today =( anyway, went for my niece's baby shower today! she's one month old now. hehee. her name's vycki heng wei qi. such a cute name! haha.. vycki. haha.
i missed my brother.
it was quite fun, all in all.

came home with my brother, and here i am. haha.

i am so proud of mich. she scored a 90 on my quiz. haha go try la. even kaixiang did better than guanyu =x haha.

that's all i guess.

i have an ulcer on my bottom lip owowow.

dashed.

2005-06-14T15:29:00.000+08:00

attached.

end of story.

no, not me.

bleagh.

2005-06-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

knock yourself out.

quiz me!

have fun.

terebi keshite!!

2005-06-14T12:18:00.000+08:00

quite tired.

someone not responding to my messages. it's irritating. i hope you're not doing it on purpose because sometimes even the little things you do can really piss me off, even though they're not directed at me, and then you ask me if i'm angry with you. your attitude.. argh. i don't want to comment liao.

me is going grandparents place today maybe. not sure till when. handphone number, you have. anything, call/sms. yup.

i wanna go hammer out armenian dances on the piano.

where are we going to meet for the stupid pw thing huh? you don't tell me i don't want to go liao. okay? don't say i never warn you.

can't wait to see nat tomorrow. neoprints yes yes. camera too. yay.

are you coming for dinner or not?

interview

2005-06-13T17:12:00.000+08:00

hmm. i really screwed up big time, didn't i?

went to watch "mr and mrs smith" with jessica this morning.. we were talking about all sorts of crap.. haha. the movie was nice but it was abit boring actually. haha.. at least, that's what ika and i thought.

daniel messaged me at 9.30 to ask if i could come for the band interview then. i was a tampines mall. and it was 9.30. haha. suvenna tried calling me but i couldn't pick up because i was in the movie.. yup. told mag me and ika would be there asap. or something to that extent.

reached school.. was damn scared. my heart was like a machine gun.. almost panicked. wanted to go hide in the toilet or something.. sian.

i swear that that teacher in white was having so much fun just shooting question after question at me, the girl who was running for band president with no experience whatsoever.. yeah whatever. she shoot until damn guo ying la i think.. sian.. so pissed off. she's called what? lee? yeah. what the heck.

okay fine. it was my fault too. i didn't prepare. yeah. like i knew what to prepare anyway.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

what will be, will be, i guess.. no point wailing over the stupid interview.. fine. fine.

fine.

i'm pretty frustrated. arg. my pw group wants to make plans for a meeting this wednesday but so far i don't know the time, place. damnit! damnit all of you.

._.

go away. please.

26479. 747736. 949 273 958 76 382533 87?!

well.

2005-06-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

some things are so unexpected! haha!

through dear ahma's blog, i found.. *drumroll* terrence's! haha didn't expect him to have a blog too. well, i guess some things are just this way. haha. bu4 ke3 si1 yi4 you know? haha.

i will try not to think of band interview tomorrow.
(in my anxiety i typed "i will try not to think of band tune in tomorrow". how stupid is that.)

i will sing nice nice songs. game music. maybe me will go play kingdom hearts.

*sigh*

why am i feeling down..?

more numbers may follow. beware.

949 47 48 69 43278 47 259297 46 2 6377?
4 8468448 4 927 25327 22688 469 4 3358..
48377 4 927 97664 484.
4 366'8 3836 5669 43 968 9455 222378 63, 2322873 4 5669 4 226 63837 7375223 437.
288 43 968'73 9455464 86 4483 63 2 242623..
538 63 5669. 968 4283 69 686237.

766384637 4 697353 36 668 8633778263 949 4 36 8447. 43'7 668 46662 7323 8447 269929.

i'm not sure if the numbers are correct, because i'm just looking at the keyboard and typing without reference.. but it should be okay.. i think.

._.

i will not think of interview. tomorrow jessica and i are going to catch a movie, and lunch. we are going to have fun. we i will not think of the stupid interview.

why do i feel so nervous??????

wouldn't it be nice.

2005-06-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

i am back to the days when sighing is part of my hourly routine. i wonder why.

today i found out that jessica has a blog. *startling revelation* marcus(i think it was marcus) tried calling me many many times from a public phone in the airport in a desperate attempt to inform me of his departure for thailand. all that time i could not pick up his calls because i was in church service, and it would be very rude to answer a call in service. i thought it was one of my band friends as there was a number so i tried calling back but to no avail. and right now marcus has probably landed already so i wish him all the best and lots of fun in thailand even though there has been recent, unnerving news about shootings in thailand and i pray that he will be okay.

i am sorry that i sound so detached and stiff today, and that my sentances are long and incomprehensible. i somehow lack the willpower and strength to make my entry look nice and humorous such that it can entertain you. it is my fault, as it always has been. i apologise for the inconvenience caused.

maybe it's because of tomorrow's band interview. i'm practically shaking already. a million and one scenarios are running through my head, followed by a million and one questions with a million and one model answers and yet somehow i know that when i step into the room tomorrow, everything will just go blank and all my 'planning beforehand' sh*t that i'm doing now will go to waste.
i know that once i step into the room, the intimidating aura of daniel, julian(especially julian), dr lee, and mr lim will probably grapple and choke me, and threaten to make me run from the room crying.
i know that when i step into the room, i'll lose my voice, my train of thought, my confidence, my calm, my nerves and maybe my marbles.
i know that when i step into the room, my chest will just tighten up the way it does when i'm freaking out, cutting off my air supply and make me dizzy, and my heart will probably stop beating as i break out in cold sweat.
i know that once i step into the room, i probably won't even have enough strength to walk to the chair and sit down, much less talk.
i know that when i step into the room, the air will feel thick and stuffy no matter how low the temperature is, and i know i won't have enough air.
i know that when i step into the room, they'll probably think what a loser i am, trying for a position when i have zilch experience and didn't even care enough back where i came from.
i know that when i step into the room, they'll expect me to have all the answers to all their questions and wonder how i'm ever going to make it in life when i have none.
i know that when i step into the room, they're probably all ready to kill me with their questions and scary, penetrating stares.
i know that when i step into the room, they'll see the sweat beading on my forehead, my hands wringed in nervousness and desperation, and my heart hammering away merrily.
i know that when i step into the room, they'll be wondering if this scared, pathetic creature in front of them is even leader material, and whether they should just ask me to leave the room and forget i ever existed, or better still, ask me to find out what the heck i'm doing on this planet.

ahh damnit. my thoughts are running wild.

it's true. i don't have any experience whatsoever. except the past three months being class rep, but that's it. i don't know how to run a small organization, much less a band. but i guess the one thing that's in my favor is that i'm willing to learn. yup.. i should think that way, instead of all the negative thoughts up there.. but i kinda feel better now that i got them out. i think. they're so intimidating. i feel scared just thinking about it.

there's a tightness in my chest i can't explain.. and a pain in my tummy. oww.

simple and clean

2005-06-11T17:51:00.000+08:00

i'm kinda obsessed with game music.. haha.. recently it's kingdom hearts, because i'm playing the whole game over again.. there's a very wonderful instrumental recording of the song "simple and clean" by utada hikaru.. the same person who sang "first love". it's wonderful. orchestrated. wow. haha.

here are the lyrics, by the way.

when you walk away
you don't hear me say
please, oh baby, don't go
simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
it's hard to let it go

you're giving me too many things
lately you're all i need
you smiled at me and said

don't get me wrong i love you
but does that mean i have to meet your father?
when we are older you'll understand
what i meant when i said no
i don't think life is quite that simple

when you walk away
you don't hear me say
please, oh baby, don't go
simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
it's hard to let it go

the daily things that keep us all busy
are confusing me
you came to me and said

wish i could prove i love you
but does that mean i have to walk on water
when we are older you'll understand
it's enough when i say so
and maybe some things are that simple

when you walk away
you don't hear me say
please, oh baby, don't go
simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
it's hard to let it go

hold me
whatever lies beyond this morning
is a little later on
regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
nothing's like before

when you walk away
you don't hear me say
please, oh baby, don't go
simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
it's hard to let it go

hold me
whatever lies beyond this morning
is a little later on
regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all
nothing's like before

and then there's the song "eyes on me" from final fantasy 8.. by faye wong. =) it's also very nice okay. i used to have the lyrics on the back of my foolscap pad.. bad habit. always wrote nice and sad stuff, my feelings, everything, on the back of my foolscap pad. very messy piece of carboard.

it's not perfect english, but enjoy.

whenever sang my song
on this stage
on my own
whenever said my words
wishing they
would be heard
i saw you smiling at me
was it real
or just my fantasy
you'd always be there in the corner
of this tiny little bar

my last night here for you
same old songs
just once more
my last night here with you
maybe yes
maybe no
i kind of like it your way
how you shyly placed
your eyes on me
oh did you ever know
that i have mine on you

darling so there you are
with that look on your face
as if you're never hurt
as if you're never down
shall i be the one for you
who pinches you softly but sure
if frown is shown then
i will know that you are no dreamer

so let me come to you
close as i
wanted to be
close enough for me
to feel your heart
beating fast
and stay there when i whisper
how i love your
peaceful eyes on me
oh did you ever know
that i have mine on you

darling so share with me
your love if you have enough
your tears if you're holding back
or pain if that's what it is
how can i let you know
i am more than the face
and the voice
just reach me out then
you will know that you are not dreaming

darling so there you are
with that look on your face
as if you're never hurt
as if you're never down
shall i be the one for you
who pinches you softly but sure
if frown is shown then
i will know that you are no dreamer

pretty song. =) me like. haha.

woanrong.. i said 13.. don't jump to conclusions.. haha!

i thought this skin with the butterflies was nice.. now i have this strange urge to just change it. gah. whatever.

well.

2005-06-11T17:17:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time, and something tells me there's more waiting to be done. oh, damnit. haha.

woanrong is so, so, so cunning.

just came back from my aunt's place.. went to see my cousin and my little niece first. she's so cute! hehee. when you talk to her she just opens her eyes and stares back at you. haha..

went to cut my hair today. i think it looks okay, no major disaster. haha.

well. not really in the mood for blogging.. maybe because nothing big happened today.

woanrong, i tell you liao, 13, 13!! haha.. too bad if you can't get that clue.. haha.. it's been amusing letting you guess, guess, and guess some more, while trying all means and ways to get me to tell you the truth. haha. entertainment eh.

`let's help each other forget the past and the others and start over again.. together..*]]

have i mentioned i hate starting over? yeah i did. a long time ago.

i hate starting over.

but i guess some things are just meant to be.

i have a feeling i have to wait for a long time.

first love

2005-06-10T12:59:00.000+08:00

this song's called "first love" by utada hikaru.. i first fell in love with it when we played it in band.. was that sec 2 or sec 3.. back then really had the 'feeling' for it.. haha.. it's absolutely beautiful. i tried getting it on my radioblog, but apparently i don't know enough html to get the link.. haha.. but you can go to radioblogclub and search under 'utada hikaru' for the song.. it's marvelous.

haha.. sad to say i can't translate japanese.. and many websites are giving different interpretations of the exact same lyrics so i'm not sure which one is the accurate one..

even though i can't say that this song applies to me.. haha.. because he's not the one for me anymore.. i don't think he ever was.. perhaps it was just a mistake to begin with. sometimes i feel sorry that i led him on.. but then again.. would you keep a guy who keeps clinging on to you, gets jealous when you even look at other guys, or talk to your guy friends.. or even just don't sms him goodnight.. it's ridiculous.. i gave him chances, but unfortunately he didn't treasure them.. he never did change. he never understood.

he probably never will. ._.

why am i boring you with my stupid life story.. haha.. anyway.. the lyrics for "first love" is below.. enjoy.

Sai gou no kisu wa
tabako no fla vor ga shita
niga kute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni iru n darou
Dare wo omotteru n darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashi uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugokidasou to shiteru
Wasuretakunai koto bakari

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anata wo omotteru n darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

it's been three days.. he hasn't contacted me.. let's face it.. he doesn't care as much as i thought he did.

well.. maybe next week, after the band interview thing, i'll be going to stay with my grandmother.. so if you guys want to contact me, call my handphone.. yup..

i'm in the mood to change my blogskin again.. so sue me.

tired of the excuses.

2005-06-09T18:17:00.000+08:00

hah, i didn't know how right i was on sunday, did i.

busy. the international excuse. well done!

why can't people be more original, like vera's friend, who said, "i have my issues"? gah.

it's been stressful day after stressful day for me.. firstly the tune-in(which we had one week to do and carry out), then the band chalet proposal(which i spent one whole effing day doing), and then the sc trial(which almost killed me.. i almost fainted in front of the band i swear)..

yesterday, i went to school early.. didn't want to see ms yap, so kinda hid in the band room. gah. only me and kwang liang was there.. julian had lessons i think, mag had classes too. ter was sick, so. had combined sectionals with huifen and percussion.. was quite fun. went through les mis, jap graf 4, and irish tune. then, went for lunch with the percussion section(the guys) and kwang liang.. woanrong joined us when we were buying drinks, and we went back to the band room together.. haha.. then, after lunch, was the sc trial.. my hands were really really shaking.. was very nervous.

actually wanted to conduct bar 69 onwards of armenian dances, but chong hui wanted to conduct that part, so i decided to do bars 1 to 30.. then jocelyn would do bars 30 to 69, chong hui would do bars 69 to the slow movement, and grace would do the slow movement till bar 224.

when i went in to tune, i was quite scared, because i had to tune the higher woodwinds.. they're so hard to tune.. i found out that the e flat clar was supposed to tune with the flutes.. how stupid of me. the alto saxes were quite in tune, luckily.. had to do some tuning here and there, but it was rather okay. the flute section though.. oh my god.. i didn't even know whether they were sharp or flat! gah! so i had them tune to hwa ee, who was using a tuner.. phew.. but they were still a little out of tune. the clarnets were okay, asked them to tune to marcus but he was a little shakey, but nevermind. when i tuned them together again, they were in tune for a while, so i stopped before they went out of tune again. then suvenna told me to continue with the armenian dances.

okay, so i didn't go for the first meeting about the sc trial because i was rushing to the tjc concert.. so i didn't know we were supposed to analyse the piece, and also to give the band pointers on playing better. then i tried asking grace, and she was rather vague, so i basically went in there unprepared. i was so scared, but once i started, and once the band played the first note, all the nervousness was gone. the only problem i think was that i didn't look at the band.. but imagine, you bring your hand down and you hear the cymbals, trumpets, playing loudly and grandly.. there's that wonderful feeling.. and at bar 19 too, when the theme from the first few bars comes back again.. just wonderful.. it's hard to describe.. conducted it through once, then did a bit of the running notes, and the triplet demi-semiquavers part, quite interesting. unfortunately i didn't know enough to teach them anything. i don't think i'm in any position to teach them anything right now, anyway.. then went through it twice more, just for the feeling of it.. i still love the feeling of the first note.. so grand, it just blows me away.. everything feels so different when you're standing in front of the band than when you play in the band.. i conducted wrongly at the 3-4 bar.. i conducted it was 4-4, realised the mistake and changed at the last minute.. shit i think i confused my section la.. they came in wrongly and it was all my fault. sheesh. but nevermind. it's the experience that counts, right? =)

since i was the first to finish, i went outside and sat in the little space inbetween the two doors with grace and jocelyn.. listening to chong hui conduct the band.. all of a sudden, there were horn parts i never knew existed! haha! and from where we sat, it sounded quite awful.. no offence to the horn section, but seriously. the offbeats and everything.. and it sounded quite messy when the whole band was playing together. i know i didn't use up my whole 25 minutes because they didn't stop me.. chong hui did, but he said he only managed to conduct 4 pages. in the middle of his conducting he started clapping the timing for the band.. haha. when he came out, jocelyn went in. the three of us sat talking in the small room..

then yogi came into the room.. he had just finished his lessons.. so chong hui told him that dr lee was inside conducting the band(when in fact he wasn't.. haha!). then he asked us why we were outside instead of inside playing, and chong hui said 'dr lee' sent us out because we were talking. then he went on to say that 'dr lee' told us that since we liked to talk so much, he was going to make us conduct the band. i knew what chong hui was doing and i supported him.. haha.. and yogi believed us! haha. when there was a pause in the music, we were kind of scared that he'd hear jocelyn's voice and know we were bluffing, so grace was like, hurry up go in there! and yogi said, "dowan lah later dr lee diao me.." haha! we managed to get him in.. haha i wish i could have seen the look on his face!

jocelyn's part was abit messy too, but i know the dear was very nervous. haha. then grace went in. can't really remember what happened, but azfar came in and we tried the whole 'dr lee is inside' thing again.

haha! at the end of it all, edwin, sujin and suvenna sat and talked to us.. pointed out all our mistakes, which was quite a lot.. haha.. well, it's a good learning experience i guess. went for sectionals, and aidah came to ask for the tee shirt money. ter wasn't around so they automatically expected me to pay for him first.. haha.. and julian conveniently didn't bring any money.. so i had to pay for three people.. and aidah was followed by eileen who was collecting money for acjc concert.. damnit why are we forced to go. darn. anyway. paid up. so i'm feeling rather broke now thanks.

after band, went to play soccer. luckily i brought an extra shirt so i could play. haha! it was quite fun. jun wei decided to smack me with the ball though.. oww.. haha.. but it's okay. it's nice to know he has no qualms about hitting me.. haha! what a stupid thought. edwin kicked the ball over the fence and had to go out and get it.. kenneth was showing off by doing a pull-up on the fence in an attempt to look for the call.. haha so i said jokingly, "why don't you climb over and get the ball?" to my shock he actually started climbing! i had to tell him i was joking before he'd come down.. haha! then we played a while more, then packed up and went home.

a stressful and fun day.

today, i went out with vera to tm.. we met for lunch first, at pastamania.. she wanted to go to spotlight, but it was closed, so we went to dhoby ghaut, ps, to the spotlight there. haha after looking for a long time we managed to find what she wanted.. i also sort of got what i wanted.. two new books.. "school rumble". quite interesting. can't wait for the next books to come out.. but i really wanted "h3 school"! darn.. i only have book one.. i want to finish buying the series, until book five.

came home, had piano lesson.. so what else is new.. this time next weel will be having dinner with some band peeps(hopefully) before the acjc concert.. haha.. i know kaixiang is very excited about the concert right? *nudge* haha..

okie. shall go slack somewhere else now. byebye.

at home.

2005-06-07T17:33:00.000+08:00

yes i'm spending my day at home. are you happy now?

if it was as innocent as it was supposed to be, then why do i feel so hurt?

went to school today, worked on the band chalet proposal before and during physics lecture. went for breakfast with genevia, and we talked about a lot of things. worked on the proposal too. then we went for physice tutorial, where i worked on the proposal some more. after that, i went to meet amanda and vanessa to finalize the proposal. *he* smsed me and told me that he wouldn't be able to make it tonight.. i didn't reply him. told gene about it.. kenneth was there, he was rather lonely because kiong wee pang seh-ed him. haha.. at about 2, went for lunch with kenneth after everything had been confirmed.

sat at long john silver's with kenneth until 4+, talking about random stuff. called vanessa and amanda to confirm a few more stuffs, then went to the mrt station with kenneth. he went to the esplanade to get his 'manuel'(it's actually a book on how to play the double bass haha) and i came home.

and i have to type out the chalet proposal so i'm sorry that this post was short and brief.

adieu, or should i say, cheers. =)

school, band, and soccer.

2005-06-06T18:37:00.000+08:00

school was okay. reached about a half hour early, sat outside the band room with alan, kwang liang, and one of alan's friends. haha, he was amused at the photos i took of the sunrise, because on has birds in it, and the other has a plane! haha. went for physics, managed to copy everything. well, almost everything. haha! and then went for fmaths late, because i went to set up my instrument in the band room with yan leng first. then went for fmaths, spent a lot of the time talking to gene and ian. hehee. drew a little gingerbread boy ian. it's so.. fat. and it has eyebags and an ugly mouth. but ian didn't complain haha. and ian drew a little gingerbread ian of his own, one that was, well, mutilated. haha. was smsing marcus in the lecture, and then jessica smsed me. then woanrong called, but i couldn't pick up! darn!

the band went for lunch at 12! and i only finished past 12.30! so i rushed to kfc to look for them.. woanrong, and my section seniors. managed to finish lunch, and got back slightly late. but nevermind.

played irish tune.. boring! can't believe we're gonna play that for concert! people can die listening to it! haha! and armenian.. whoohoo! and we did a little of les mis as well. it's so cool and so fun!

we finished early, so we went to play soccer.. sujin was like, "soccer!" and julian and i both said at the same time, "on!" dr lee seemed shocked to know that i play soccer with the guys. haha! should have seen his face. anyway. playing soccer in skirts is not good. it's so not fun can.. sucks la.. restricts my movement.

the sercurity guard told us we could play till 6, but at 5.35 the stupid school attendant came to chase us away! it's so unfair! sheesh..

so, guys, when's the next time we're playing? tell me in advance can.. need to bring my stuff lol!

and so that's how it is. and i'm here blogging.

with silence and tears

silence and tears.

2005-06-05T16:47:00.000+08:00

don't ask, just read.

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever the years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder, thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk, chill on my brow,
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me...
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well..
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

if you recognise this poem, tell me.. if you're reading this tell me.. if you know what i mean by putting this here, tell me.. if you even read my blog anymore, tell me.. if you got my message on o1o6o5, tell me..

i don't understand why you continually ignore me. i try to salvage what is left of our friendship.. or is there a friendship to begin with?

what's on your mind?

if this is the way you want to see me, years from now, with silence and tears..

tell me.

so that, at least, i know. and i can stop hurting at last.

588437.. 4 6477 968..

that last verse really struck close to my heart.. i grieve the loss of a dear friend.. i can only hope that one day things will be back to the way they were before.. that we can talk the way we used to.. that we can laugh together, that we don't have to walk past each other in the corridors and pretend not to see each other. that i don't have to force myself to smile at you anymore, knowing you won't smile back. that i won't have to get frustrated over messaging you, knowing that if i didn't, i'd regret it; if i did, you wouldn't reply anyway.

but then again.. perhaps it is better this way.. the reason i didn't try for *jc was because i thought it'd be easier for me to forget, the way you easily forgot about me.. and for a while, i thought it worked.. i had a new life in tpjc and you weren't all i thought about anymore.. and when people looked through my phone, they'd say, "oh, you know him?" with nothing more than a little interest, because they know you too. it stung, but it was only slight compared to other times. but when i saw you on o1o6o5, a new wave of grief just washed over me.. before i could say more than 'hi', you just rushed off, and you didn't hear what i tried to say. you probably wouldn't want to listen anyway.

busy.

i'll never forget what you said to me.. it hurt me really deeply, scarred me very badly. but you know what..? i forgive you.

i can only hope that you can forgive me too.