these are my memories; precious memories.

Friday, September 30, 2005
4:33 PM
should i stay, or should i go?*

had a drive driven by your love
but when you messed around I lost the drive I found
thought you needed needed someone true
but you changed your mind or had i failed you?
wished you've been careful with my heart
but you tore it apart and broke an angel's heart
i guess what's true has an end somewhow
but i am living proof of what love is about

it's hard holding you loving you losing you
it's sad to be true and be fooled by you
i don't know I don't know should i stay or should i go

you played me on, played me like a clown
but i feel for you, even though i'm down
my heart is heavy, heavy like a rock
but i am so amused you're still in my thoughts

it's hard holding you loving you losing you
it's sad to be true and be fooled by you
i don't know I don't know should i stay or should i go

what's done is done i'll never feel the same
but we had some good times, guess it's sad just the same
i guess the truth doesn't matter somehow
but you were living proof, of what love is about

well.

for those two times, those few seconds, i felt blissful.

thank you.

i understand if you may not want to talk to me anymore.. it's just a making of my own selfishness and foolishness.

it's hard holding you.
loving you.
losing you.

even though we've only scratched the surface, i'm glad that you are, or were, in my life.

the memories
so dear

Thursday, September 29, 2005
11:37 AM
sth and nth.*

gah. cannot see chinese. T-T

oh yes. matashiki, if you want to be caressed, it can be arranged.. wahahahahahah.. your fate is in the hands of me and losse~~ ^_^

been thinking.. exams are around the corner.. should really put everything into it.. haha.. and think about cosplay later.. after all, at the moment, losse has taken the scriptwriting off my hands, so no worries. and even though people think i'm not studying, i am. i may seem like i'm not worried but have you heard that looks can be decieving? sigh.

there's so much i have to think about now also.. spent about 2 hrs sleeping in the band room.. feel much better now, i think. but yeah. maz came and i miss her so much. sorry but i just wish that i had someome to cling to right now.. someone who can take all the pain and sadness away. someone who i can be with and forget about my troubles, who will comfort me when i'm hurt and guide me when i'm lost..

yes, i need God. thanks to benny for that reminder.

i don't know. somehow things around me are just confusing me more and more each day. i'm not sure what to think or do anymore. all i know is that once i get the exams out of the way, i'm gonna take time off to just be with my friends.. be with the people who matter to me the most.

yups.. i can't wait for the promos to be over.

masa and luel are piling pressure on me to finish the script.. i'm so glad that i have losse to help me. *huggles*

oh well.. it's gonna be chem soon. sigh.
half the class is missing. i think. i dunno anymore.

advent children giving me problems. i'm gonna tryto watch it one more time today, and if i still can't watch it with the subtitles, then i guess forget it.

plus, my sound system sucks. i pratically have to hold the speaker to my ear to be able to hear the dialogue.
gah.

which is why i also hope the vampires thing will be on cd. cos i'll need to play it on tv instead of on my computer with the sucky sound system. oh well.

10-min episodes sounds cool. we can work on it slowly then. and it'll be easier for download.

will we want people to download our vid for free? we're putting so much effort into it.. it'd be a shame if people could just download..

who knows. maybe we'll sell the script. =)
write the making of.
book version.
pictorial edition.
i don't know.

sounds like one huge dream, huh.
know why?

because i'm a dreamer.

and when i dream..
i dream big. =)

good day, all..

oh yes.

ripped from masa.

001. Reply with your name(in this case, tag my board) and I'll respond with something random about you.
002. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
003. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and I.
004. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
005. I'll tell you what animal of which you remind me.
006. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
007. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. Seriously

here's what masa said about me..

001. Script writer =O Thanks alot too XD
002. Jay Chou's Qi Li Xiang (I hear it on your MP3 player too much) XD
003. THAILAND TRIP!! LOL! XD
004. Meeting you @ Clarke Quay MRT, when you were interested for the project, you were like, so random XD
005. Dolphin, strong yet nice but seems sad sometimes for unknown reasons
006. The trips from East to West are like hell, aren't they? I've tried them quite a few times *nods*

i like the dolphin. thanks so much! *huggles*

hehee. okay. tata.

the memories
so dear

Monday, September 26, 2005
10:42 AM
and.*

when people think they have had a bad day, i tell them:

you didn't/weren't:
1) travel 2 hrs to bukit batok
2) wait one and a half hours for someone who never showed up
3) almost get lost in a totally foreign area
4) run around in the heat in oversized black tee and jeans
5) the only one to turn up at a 'meeting'(other than the host masa, so yeah)
6) spend 2 hrs travelling back home

takumi slept in. *strangles* luel and zenshin probably forgot, aki never got the message and losse had family bonding time. =) oh yay.

and just when you think that's bad, add in the fact that you almost blacked out in the morning.
go home, rush out a report and update a website..
stay up till 12am just trying to finish up..

okay. that's enough ranting for now.
anyway, masa and i got a lot done. and we had a nice chat too. so that's good, i guess. at least we got things done.

we're gonna have yaoi scenes~ =x that's losse's part though. hahaha. i'm writing the script for the whole thing overall at the moment, so. wanted to have mata come from thailand, then discovered that we'd probably have to speak thai or something. and considering we're already gonna speak japanese in the beginning of the film, that's a bit too much.. haha.

by the way, people.. i'm looking for extras in the film. basically what you have to do is run around, scream/don't scream, kill/get killed, and eventually lie in a pool of blood. or, you could be in the ballroom scene. xD

recruited ian to be kula's 'father' for the shoot. i hope he doesn't start his nonsense. haha.

am up to scene 2 in the script-writing process. gonna continue later. hopefully i can finish at least until we get to scene 8 ba.. haha.

there's still a lot of unanswered questions going around, and i guess we'll have to find a way to answer them all one by one one day. heh.. oh well. who would have thought i'd be writing my own script? sure, the idea's everyone's. but i actually get to write a script~ *love* i guess i've always wanted to write a script, just that last time i didn't have the main ideas, and i usually never finished what i started because i wouldn't have people to act it out even if i finished it anyway. haha.

smsed him but no reply? sian.

okay. shall go work on script now.. haha.
hope everything goes okay.
if i get my way, we'll have the film starting off in an abandoned house.. haha.

starting to sound like a horror film, right? that's basically what the first part is about. it's almost like horror. cool huh. blood and gore..

masa and i have dreams of sending it to merdiacorp or something. maybe they'll show it. maybe hollywood will remake it. wouldn't that be so cool?

ah.. i know it probably won't happen la.

but a girl can dream, right? xD

the memories
so dear

Sunday, September 25, 2005
9:59 PM
more stuff*

some more stuff my classmates would love to share with the rest of tpjc(and the world, while we're at it).

this one's written by andrew yeo. last line by varun.

will smith - varun, hilarious
stacie orrico - nadia, the mole ( no offence)
mini me - vanessa, very small
mrs Pierre Bouvier - yijie, always put the same display pic (simple plan lead singer)
travis barker - syafiq, likes blink 182 so much and sing those porno songs
olsen twins - genevia and shu qing, i thought they were twins when i first saw them
kelly osbourne - hidayah, got vulgarities in her phone.. and kelly osbourne always scolds vulgarities
xena - shafirah, righteous
robocop - benjamin, limited words.
nick matthew - kelvin, some squash national player.. anyhow find from the net one.
some celebs doing lips ad - crystal, obvious
mafia - chun hoe, know almost everyone. tp is like his territory
ditto - andrew eng, copy my name
vanessa carlton - yong teck, plays piano well
bill gates - khairul, anyhow bet 50 bucks
doctor - danial, obvious
leonardo da vinci - chloe, well-known artist
bill clinton - andrew yeo, only thinks of gals and affairs

written by varun

reasons y the following ppl wun top the class....

VANNESA SOON:
she does so much of math everyday that she thinks that she onli takes 2 subjects. maths C and F maths.. someone plz remind her that PHYSICS and GP exists..

SYAFIQ:
he thinks that qn is testing his intelligence. so he'll not ans the qn. (e.g the qn that asked about the acceleration of free fall in phy common test. he thought it was stupid of them to ask and left it blank and lost 2-3 marks.)

JUN RONG:
whenever he gets a qn wrong. he'll think he's right and will argue the answer!.. so he'll claim that he'll get 100 .. but.........

Danial:
too many magic steps in his working.. suddenly a constant will disappear and after 2 lines, it'll come back SOMEHOW and.. eventually he'll get the correct ans... but.. danial, ms yeah is not blind when she marks the paper!..

Varun:
V: "Ms yap how will i do for promos?"
MsY. :" *pauses for a while*....... *thinks again*...... FAIL!!!!"

Reasons y these ppl can top the class:

BENJAMIN:
hey, robots can memorise alott of stuff man.. all they need to do is upgrade their memory...

KHAIRUL:
half the time he's not in skool.. he's at home studyin.. dude.. how can he not top?

*damn la.. too lazy to think of more... and once again, this is juz for the sake of entertainment yea.. dun take it to heart. u all have the potential to top the class.............
if u wan to calculate how much potential u possess to top the class, calculate by using:
- (G M / r)

where G is 6.67 * 10^11
M is your weight in kilograms
r is the distance btw ur eyes and ur centre of notes(taking notes as a point mass)...

the memories
so dear

Saturday, September 24, 2005
10:24 PM
muse.*

the answers are all there
but i'm afraid to face them
to know the truth
i'm just a coward
hiding behind a mask
pretending everything is fine
when it's not.

and when even the birds have gone
i'll be left clutching the remains
of a broken heart.
hearken; can you hear it shatter?

the silence is deafening.

it's that little pang.
it's that thing i embrace.
it's that thing i hate.
yet it's the only thing that is always there.
no matter when.
no matter where.

it's lonliness.
and it's with me right now.

just musing.. some of the random things i've posted up at sgcafe. =) i'm really glad for the people in the tc thread; they help take my mind off things, they're really fun and we can talk about anything, share problems, joy, whatever.

i'm happy there.

what i really need now is a one-way ticket out of reality.

the memories
so dear

6:54 PM
lol*

wahahahahahahahahaha~

it sounds like the world's biggest joke.
or is it?

or am i just deluding myself?

one more thing. do i look very knowledgeable about relationship stuffs? xD
oh, nevermind me. xD

the memories
so dear

Friday, September 23, 2005
10:00 PM
test test.*

got this from michelle's webpage. can't remember the order i picked the colours, i think it was blue, black, gray, red, purple, yellow, brown, green. or something like that.

website: www.colorgenics.com

must say it's quite accurate. okay, it's very accurate. i do need to scream and cry. soon.

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. You are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

You are presently experiencing excessive stress as a result of self-restraint. You act and think differently from the common herd and you want to be liked and admired for yourself and to associate with people who feel and act as you do. Because of this need to be self-reliant and to break away from mediocrity, you are finding this situation most uncomfortable and you are experiencing considerable anxiety - perhaps even more than you feel the capacity to cope with. You need to find a 'soul mate', someone whose standards are as high as your own - but where? Keep on searching... The situation is uncomfortable and you would like to break away from it, but you refuse to compromise with your opinions. You are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of necessary decisions. You are stubborn but this is no deterrent to a happy life, so why drop your standards. Think positively, everything will work out. It has worked out successfully for you in the past and it will again in the future.

The tensions and stresses that you have experienced of late have been the result of trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond your capabilities. You feel completely inadequate to cope with the situation and you would like nothing better to escape from it all and to be able to relax in a problem and pressure free environment where you can do your thing.

the memories
so dear

8:15 PM
haix*

yes.

i know i haven't been blogging.

and i'm very sorry i've been so depressed these few days. things happening around me have just been making things worse and worse for me. i feel like crumbling.. it's so hard to keep up that cheerful front, you know? it's like, i walk into school these days and i'm like, gee, i have to pretend to be happy/not hurt/not depressed again.. it's so hard.. i don't know how long more i can keep it up.. but.. i don't want to worry the people around me.. that's why i still keep on smiling even though deep inside of me, i really want to cry.. even though i may seem not to care, it's cutting me deep.. very deep..

wo de nao hai li, yi zhi you ni de hui yi, jiao wo bu xiang qi ni, shi bu ke neng de shi qing.. ni ke yi bu ai wo, ke shi ni neng rang wo ai ni ma?

i know it's useless clinging on.. but something in me doesn't want to let go.. i don't know.. i know i should just let it pass.. try to forget.. try to be the truly happy person i once was..

i don't know anymore..

i really feel like crying.. but somehow the tears won't come.. and not for the first time too.. sigh.

okay, what's been going on in my life other than the really sad stuff(which i will make great effort to forget)?

monday - nothing. except that.

tuesday - went to meet peter! finally that guy got a day off from work! haha..

met him at 3, at city hall. i'm supposed to be on a diet and he fed me a waffle =x oh well. =) reminds me of him. =( sigh. okay forget that. anyway.. he's getting married this coming june! congratulations to peter and nicole!

hehee..

sigh..

did that sound very fake?

it felt fake to me.

wednesday - didn't do much. it was chinese paper day. went home after that. lalala.

thursday - did what i usually do. slept in the band room. then there was a commotion.. xD

a post i made at sgcafe..

went to sleep about 9.30..
at 11.30, someone opened the band room door.. and asked: "anyone in here?"
i heard, sat up and said: "yeah?"
the guy started screaming: "ahhhhhh~~~ GHOST!!!!"
=x
the door closed.. soon someone else came to open it again.
"hello?"
me(still abit sleepy) "yeah? who's that?"
"chong hui's friends. he said we could come. can we come in?"
"oh. yeah. sure."

then they recognised me from the other time they came in when i was sleeping. hahahahaha

then chong hui came in and was like, "why you scream into my ear about ghost?"
apparently he was on the phone with one of the guys when they screamed about me being a 'ghost'.. lol.

we plotted ways to kill ms yap.

she was saying how she wanted to jump down from the second story window when someone answered her: "immoral" to a question she asked. xD

i was kinda blur, so i said: "go up one more floor la.."
whereas shafiq said: "go ahead. jump."

i'm freaking pissed.

posted this in the sgcafe forum again.. no prizes for guessing who the jerk in question is.

because this chem teacher wanted to talk to us regarding our horrible remedial attendance..
then she asked us to write out 'reflections'.. how we are gonna revise, our aims, etc..
then that guy said he had pw meeting, so he talk to the teacher first because she want to talk to us individually.
and guess what. he spent 45mins arguing with the teacher.
he doesn't understand if you want someone to shut up, just make them happy, say yes or something??
and then he left the classroom when he was done.
five minutes later he came back.
what happen to the meeting sia.

and the teacher only spoke to me for about 10 seconds because i said i already started revision la.
what the hell.
make me stay back listen to him argue with the teacher
only to speak to the teacher for 10 sec.
gah.
so pissed off la..

and yes i'm still very mad at him.

okay nevermind.

today.. well.

had a talk of sorts with jocelyn. found out erm stuff. xD

chong hui wanted to ask me something just, but he decided against it. gee. wonder what he wanted to ask boy. xD

shall let off some steam at the sgcafe forum.

pissed. pissed. pissed.

and very very sad.

the memories
so dear

Thursday, September 22, 2005
8:18 PM
as said by varun.*

who can laugh the heads out and gets super duper red? chloe

who will do anything juz to prove himself right? junrong

who always gets molested in class? syafiq

who thinks of nothing but copulation and girls? andrew yeo

who is roasted and laughs like a crazy hyena? nadia

who smells nothing but gunpowder? jian shun

who onli knows how to smile and has features of la-la(teletubbies)? shu qing

who has a mouth but never opens.. and looks depressed everyday? genevia

who is the EX-daytona champion? yijie.....(i won her haha..)

who has vulgarities in his/her handphone? hidayah

who studies every minute in skool ? shafiraton

who is stuck in the worst ever PW group ? chui yan

who goes "like-this" when trying to xplain an ans? benjamin

who has the wettest lips in class? crystal

who can't live w/o wax? chun hoe

who think he/she is a black horse? andrew eng

who spends money liek no one business, rarely played squash in sec skool but come tpjc trash the seniors like no one business again? kelvin tay

who likes to eat red bean soup? yong teck

whose middle name is sinecosine? vanessa

who is going to india forveer this coming holidays for losing a bet? varun

who likes to talk but takes no action? khairul

who looks like a good man but flirts like a pimp? danial

who is ms yap's fav student and will confirm pass in pw? nathasha

it's gp, okay? xD

the memories
so dear

Monday, September 19, 2005
7:32 PM
why?*

why am i the one who is always hurting people?
i never meant to hurt you. never. but why is it that everything i do, hurts you and me more and more?
perhaps it was better had i not said anything at all..
perhaps it would be better if i didn't exist.
i've thought a lot about it..
maybe we should just go our seperate ways..
because i don't want to hurt you further.

yes, i feel like crying.
but so what?
i'm really at a loss..
i don't know what to do anymore.

metal frameworks left to rust
diamonds ground into the dust
watch blood turn the sand to red
soon, now, the heart is dead.

i only feel like crying..
because i've forgotten how to.

i don't know what to say..
what to do.
i'm sorry i've caused this mess..
this pain. this grief.

maybe i should just disappear.

the memories
so dear

Sunday, September 18, 2005
8:59 AM
no title.*

*forced laugh*

it makes me wonder where i've gone wrong.

the memories
so dear

Saturday, September 17, 2005
9:04 AM
mata's farewell*

well.. what can i say.. last night was a blast.. =)

i originally intended to meet vera at tm to hang out.. and at the last possible minute yesterday, around 5pm, i changed my plans and headed out to marina bay for matashiki's farewell.

with the cow messaging me all the way. *feels loved* haha..

when i reached marina bay.. well. you'd think matashiki himself would be there.. but the place was pretty much empty.. and i was 10mins late already. until i spotted masa and usagi in a corner. and went to join them..

masa told me that mata, takumi, aries, aries' friend and kazu were at aries' place watching a movie.. at 6.11pm.. when we were supposed to meet at 6.. gee..

okay i wanna say a lot of things right now but i guess i shouldn't.. after all.. it's past.. =) and we still had a great time in the end..

soon, kula, dark prince and angel came.. usagi went to find moomoo..

7 of us went to the steamboat place first.. then we had some problems with the other group coming down from aries' place..

vera came, and she brought derrick. =)

when we finally got down to eating, it was 8+..

okay i say now.. the cow can cook! scary right. i'm a proper human and i can't cook. =x haha.. and apparently he can drive too.

kazu said..
"moomoo drive right, then suddently to the right he see chio bu, then he reach over to the left and grab his camera to take photo.. that's when the car will crash.."
to which moomoo replied..
"i can one eye take photo one eye watch the road.."

O_o

the steamboat.. i wouldn't say it was fantastic, but anything's good when you have the company of good friends..

vera darling.. masamune.. kula-chan.. matashiki.. dark prince.. usagi-san.. takumi.. aries-chan.. angel.. moomoo(how to forget the multi-talented cow xD).. kazu..

you guys are love~

yup.. angel went around feeding everyone.. moomoo brought strawberries!! *love love* haha.. =)

it was a great day.. not likely one i'll forget.. thanks for the memories guys..

there's no way you can put a price tag on friendship.. even if you did, the tag would read: "priceless".. because my friends are priceless to me.. and nothing, not even a good book, can replace the friendship i share with these people, whom i've known for only one month or so. the best times of my life.. =)

every friendship's a miracle.

i love all of you~~ *huggles*

so sad that i had to leave at 9pm.. vera and derrick left with me.

yup. and then i came home.

matashiki: i hope you manage to read this before you leave for malaysia.. take good care of yourself over there.. do well for your driving test ^_^ and don't forget to come back soon! we'll miss our butler! xD

till we meet again, friend. =)

oh yes. and seven people owe me money. xD hahaha~!

that's all, i'm still feeling pretty tired from last night.. wish i could have stayed later..

hmm.. meeting natalie-jie at 11.15! yay!! haha..

nat-jie.. i miss you, i'll see you later!! *hugs*

the memories
so dear

Thursday, September 15, 2005
10:02 PM
*

kena tagged by losse. oh well. xD

List seven of your favorite songs of the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process.

- She's A Rebel
- Extrodinary Girl
- Dou Jiang You Tiao
- Boluvard Of Broken Dreams
- Jie Kou
- Tong Hua
- I'm Just A Kid

Tagged:
matashiki~ xD (because losse already tagged masa haha)
guanyu~
michelle~
feline~
yeekiat~ (just because you're crazy nyah~)
natalie-jie~
mazlinah!~

there.. done. xP

the memories
so dear

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
4:34 PM
i'm back.*

yah, i know very long never blog le.

so let's see what's been happening in my drull, everyday life. xD

sunday
morning i went to church.. then went to meet vera and derrick for the wcg/cosplay competition held at suntec! hehee. vera was in her 13cm boots @_@ i took one look at her and was like, "you're too tall." haha! we were teasing derrick because he couldn't remember what he had for breakfast xD

went and looked for masa. ran into the cow on the way to the backstage.

pacifica, aries, and rii were there, with phelios. mata and takumi came a little later. kula came too.. haha. the happy bunch that we were near the backstage of the exhibition hall.

when masa went onstage, me, pacifica, aries and rii were screaming for him.. ^_^" i think masa was one of the very few who had screaming fangirls. xD

voted many many many times for masa. *scowls* before i left with rii at 3, i told masa, "you'd better win, because if you lose, i'm overthrowing you."
to which he responded, "and what if i do win?"
"...i'm already your personal assistant. what more do you want man." xD

i was supposed to meet yogendran at 3 at the esplanade for the gamelan concert. we ended up meeting at 3.20. ._. so we ended up half an hour late for concert.

when we finally go in, got settled, and listened to two pieces of music..

emcee: "thank you for attending today's concert. we'll see you again next month."

what?? we sat in there for only half an hour!!

okay, so we got up and left. we walked todards seven-eleven en route to suntec. on the way, we kinda talked about some stuffs.. and then he went home, and i went to suntec(again).

we had lots of fun acting crazy and stuff at the back. haha! by that time vera had left already.. sigh.

hmm, someone asked me to be masa's partner for elemental gerard(sp?) next year.. not sure whether eoy or cosfest. looking forward!! *loves*

losse and i are going to overthrow masa. because! he didn't win the competition!! haha!

had a scare.. masa thought he lost his phone.. *bishes*

originally intended to go for dinner with them, but it ended up too late, so i went home..

[deviation: the marshmallows in rockyroad ice cream are love.]

monday
school reopen liao.. T_T

school was okay la.. haha. yogendran gave me an answer to my question during chem lecture..

i can't say i'm not upset because i'd be lying.
but i respect your decision.
just.. tell me if you change your mind.

i'll be waiting.

spent the day in the band room/library.. yup. ran into grace on the first floor, she said someone offended her.. then i went into the band room.. chong hui was there.. said hi to him and he dao-ed me. okay.

tuesday
had lessons.. they were okay la.

after school, went to the band room and slept behind the marimba.. with the air conditioning on, and the fan.. plus the pillow and mazlinah's emilie.. haha.. i managed to fall asleep.. for about half an hour..

this teacher came in twice to take away the cones in the band room.. wonder why he didn't wonder why the band room was open with supposedly no one inside.. because i only switched on one light.. when he first came him, i only heard him on his way out.. then because i wasn't wearing my specs, so all i saw was this white figure.. O_o haha..

kiong wee came in after his physics paper.. then grace came soon after.. when grace came, she went, "i can't remember the songs dr lee said he wants to play for tune-in~~~~~~~~~~~" and i was like, "okay, i'm awake." xD

we know she's playing "can't take my eyes off you" and "can't help falling in love with you" for open house for a reason. xD haha!

went to the library at 6, then to the waffle shop with genevia and danial. then i went to punggol to meet miwitch and pay for the coffin-shaped handbag that i'm getting vera for her birthday.. expensive lei.. haha.. you better appreciate it, girl! derrick's not the only one spending cash on you! xD

wednesday, i.e. today
today was okay.

haha.. didn't do much la. came home straight after school(after 'locking' genevia and danial in the classroom.. haha)..

so here i am. i'm tired. very tired.

i want tomorrow to be over soon. because thursdays suck. sigh.

some entertainment for you all? be right back as i go get my ipod.

taken from masamune~

Go to your Winamp (or any media player) and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What do you think of me, Winamp? Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz

erm.. O_o? okay.. i feel good? xD

Will I have a happy life? Luan Wu Chun Qiu - Jay Chou

now this one, i really don't get. because honestly, the rap's so fast i don't get the words. =x and they speak funny too. gee.

What do my friends really think of me? Homecoming / The Death of St. Jimmy/ East 12th St. / Nobody Likes You /Rock and Roll Girlfriend / We're Coming Home Again - Greenday

erm, many different views, eh? ooookay. maybe i change too fast. hyper to rebellious to moody to happy to whatever. heh.

Do people secretly lust after me? Dang Wo Men Tong Zai Yi Qi - Various Artists

i'll take that as a yes? haha

What does [insert significant other] think of me? Lao Shu Ai Da Mi - Au Mei Mei

really. haha.. i wish he realised it. xD *lovelove*

How can I make myself happy? Tian Leng Jiu Huai Lai - Vaious Artists

erm. i'm supposed to go back home when it's cold? haha. okay.

What should I do with my life? Bie Tai Wen Rou - Various Artists

i shouldn't be too gentle/giving? hmm. gee. and i thought i'd like to learn to love everyone. haha!

Why must life be so full of pain? Zhi Zhan Zhi Shang - Jay Chou

no, i don't get this one either. sigh.

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex? Lian Ai Da Wen - Various Artists

lol, by looking for the right person and for true love? and by flirting? heh. right.

Will I ever have children? Dou Jiang You Tiao - Lin Jun Jie

haha.. i think it's yes, i'll find true love, but i'm not sure about the children part <_<

Will I die happy? Whatshername - Green Day

i'll die missing someone? gee. thanks.

Can you give me some advice? Bolevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

okay. i'm gonna be rather lonely, huh.

Do you know where your children are? Dang Ni Gu Dan Ni Hui Xiang Qi Shui - Various Artists

hmm. chasing the ones they love. go them! haha.

What do you think happiness is? Letterbomb - Green Day

happiness is rebelling? okay.

What's your favourite fetish? She's A Rebel - Green Day

being a rebel? hell yeah. hahaha!

gee, thanks, ipod fortune-teller.

the multiple purposes of an ipod. yay.

and yes, now you know i have many green day songs. love! haha.

byebye.

the memories
so dear

Saturday, September 10, 2005
10:48 AM
ladida*

spamming at tcss is fun.

well.. i don't know. feel rather moody today. maybe it's because i'm not going out today. maybe it's because of the stuff we talked about two days ago.

not everything is a joke.

sometimes, just wanna scream. i really miss the beach.

i had a whole week's break and not one single day did i spend at the beach.

i suck man. =(

i don't know anymore..
sigh.

the memories
so dear

Friday, September 09, 2005
4:23 PM
why?*

yes, today i shall address the issue of why people keep spelling my name wrongly!

*everyone claps*

*slaps self* okay, lame. but still.

i remember waybackwhen i was still in primary school. (yeah, everything started from there). wah, so many mutations to my name sia.

nathasha, natasha, na dao sha, na dou sa, etcetc, all the lame nicknames a young child could every imagine. gah. okay. so fine.

secondary school. you'd think these people were slightly more intelligent. guess what. i was wrong.

nathasha, natasha, nathasa. natalie, even. i remember this really irritating substitute math teacher i had in secondary 2 who, despite my constant reminders that my name was nathasha, kept calling me natalie, until i had no heart to correct the guy. >_< then, the shortening of my name. nat, nut, nutty. etc etc. the list goes on.

and when i come to jc lei..

wah. i felt like i was re-living my primary school days lei.

kiong wee actually called me by one of the nicknames those irritating boys back in primary school used to call me. *$%#&@, one more time and i'd show him the meaning of "na dao sha"(literally, take knife and kill).

ne~ *whines* *slaps self*

haha, and then, my screen names. i've had too many to count. my first was morphobia~ such a dear name. xD which gradually got shortened into morphy, and morph. =x then there was janiria shadowsong, dalwen snowpaw, jacinthia, sicant, silver(erika silverstar! *huggles*), eaglefeather, and the most recent, sayuki.

okay. fine. woanrong pointed out to me that i "left out an 'i'". well, it wasn't intentional, the name popped into my head, and i didn't know it was close to "saiyuji", or "journey to the west". methinks me should have kept that japanese name my friend gave me waybackwhen. i can't even remember it. sigh.

yep. so now, people call me sayuji, saiyuki. i've even had phelios call me saiyuji. o_O

please stop mutating my name! *runs to corner and cries*

okay. on a different note, i wanna thank vera and derrick for their support.. *chuckles* especially vera. i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for you.

writing.. you influenced me.(although i didn't catch on to the whole "death" thing.. xD)
cosplaying.. you influenced me too. by bringing me to cosfest 05.

basically, you've been a huge influence on my life, so don't be suprised if i take up GL next. it'll be your fault. xD

i'm thankful that throughout all these years, our friendship has held strong.. and i believe it will remain strong throughout the rest of our lives. ^_^

haha, recesses. i miss those times. four of us from different classes, meeting every single recess. people didn't believe me when i told them xD I MISS MY SECONDARY SCHOOL DAYS!

i miss bugging the mep teachers through the window =)
i miss acting as the center divider in the middle of a busy road(!!). hehee.
i miss recesses. i miss after-school gatherings.
i miss shopping. with you, mich and hfang. xD

i miss them all. =(

but! we'll get together again one day right? hehee. can't wait.

sigh.

maybe one day, everything will be okay, but till then i'll be wrapped in my fears, drowning in my tears..

i just need you.

i hope everything will turn out fine. it's a big risk i'm taking, gambling with our friendship in hopes of something more..

but i guess you'll never know if you don't try.. and.. well..

i can't find the words to say what i want to say. ._. sigh.

the memories
so dear

7:48 AM
hur.*

i'm so tired..

yesterday, went out with vera darling! ^_^ went to orchard to do some routine window-shopping.. i'm not gonna wear those shoes out again, my feet hurt =( okay anyway. been so long since i last spent good quality time with her. like most of the time there's derrick with her la. haha, i'm not complaining.

i'm glad you guys are okay. i knew you'd come out of this stronger. =D

but this sunday wcg.. haha. someone gonna get ahurt real bad, eh. hope that doesn't happen la, of course. xD

bought new earrings yesterday.. pretty white ones. now i finally have some cross accessory haha! was thinking of getting the cross pendant from "passion of the christ"(the movie) but $20!! >_<; oh well.

last night had a sort-of talk with yogendran.. sigh.

you just don't get it sometimes, do you?
not everything i say is a joke.
not everything you say is serious.
where does that leave us?

sigh.

went down to beads.etc yesterday too, but unfortunately i couldn't find anything i wanted.. gee. oh well. it's okay la, i guess. haha.

gah.
don't know waht to think.

thanks arh.
you know what i mean.
don't act blur can.
=(
i'm not saying you're acting la.
but..
i don't know la.
=(

well.. hope this sunday wcg + concert will be a better day?

i hope so.

i hope i hope i hope.

sigh.

moomoo, if you're here, tag my board la can. xD

the memories
so dear

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
1:37 PM
hm.*

trying out the uploading feature of blogger.. hmm.

pretty, aren't they. just some of the beads from my collection.. hope to use them in the near future. thinking of using them for the v.a. people if they need them.

thinking of getting more black beads, though, and crosses/cruxes if i can find any. wanna make some danglies! hehee. hmm. i want to know where the other side of my purple earring went, though.. i miss it loads. sigh.

wanna head down to hereen to get more beads. but somehow it seems, no time.. sighs.

vera darling, be strong! if he loves you, he'll accept that cosplaying is part of you, okie? i know t is causing some trouble for you guys right now but you're gonna pull through this fine, okay? yeah, we all know that t's a rather extreme case of fanboy, but yeah. can't really help it right? if he's worried, then get him to come down with you this sunday. seriously.

i love you, vera! ^_^ smile! you'll get through this with him.

the memories
so dear

9:59 AM
gee.*

there seems to be some rising animosity between jason(iamacow) and charles(pheliosstar). i wonder why.

okay, for lack of a better place to organise all the stuff that's going on.

so far
-sephia + friends
-masa
-sayuki + friend
-kagari
-moomoo
-takumi
-ringo
-raziel
-freak0ut
-aries
-losse
are going to WCG on sunday.

people who are confirmed for the videoshoot + roles:
-masamune: king
-kula: queen
-matashiki: butler
-angel: princess
-raziel: lady-in-waiting to princess
-freak0ut: librarian
-pacifica_yuki: maid
-sayuki: masamune's personal assistant
-losse: marchioness
-ringo: vampire hunter hunter
-aki: vampire hunter hunter
-vic: vampire hunter hunter
-eli: vampire hunter
-shigure: vampire hunter
-skye: vampire hunter
-luel: vampire hunter
-kaya: vampire child
-nakuru: vampire child
-aries: nanny to nakuru and kaya

pending:
-sephia
-martianunicorn
-hiyuki
-kaishou
-crucifixation
-witch_cat
-youko
-mirage_cld
-deypherus
-ronin

photogs/floaters:
-moomoo
-phelios
-takumi

gee. i hope i got everyone. later moomoo not happy with me again. sigh.

i get confused sometimes, too.

the memories
so dear

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
6:32 PM
upcoming WCG*

masamune's taking part in the cosplay competition this sunday, 11th september, at suntec city.

v.a. gang, what say we go down there together and support him?? haha!

well, today i went down to my aunt's place.. was quite an okay day i guess?

getting earrings from michelle j. tan! hehee. she has pretty neat stuff. ^_^

haha, moomoo says i'm gonna overthrow masamune soon. xD

this post was brought to you by randomness.

going to school tomorrow? i wanna see you. <3

the memories
so dear

Monday, September 05, 2005
4:11 PM
just some thoughts.*

actually, i'm pretty happy with the way things are right now.
but somehow i want more.
does that make me needy?
sigh.
i don't know how to express what i'm experiencing.
i keep wanting to tell you
but somehow no chance sia.
maybe i missed that chance.
that day.
while we sat in the canteen.
i guess i should have said something
huh.
but i didn't.
yeah.
what's new.
i do all the wrong things at all the wrong times.
hope.
i can tell you.
sigh.
i don't know man.
just hope you feel the same way.
afraid to try?
maybe.
afraid of rejection?
definitely.

i just want to hold you close.
<3
and i mean it.

the memories
so dear

2:09 PM
V.A. no, not Volumetric Analysis la.*

yesterday, i met vera and nakuru at eunos after church. where were we going, you ask.

to plaza singapura, i say.

what for? for the v.a. meeting!! note: i'm just too lazy to type out the whole "vampires anonymous" la. xD

we were supposed to meet the rest at 2pm at starbucks, but when we reached........

empty.

heh. some of the guys were at the arcade, and we ran into others at the main entrance. freakout, himu, kaya, matashiki, takumi, pheliosstar, kula, luel, pacifica, skye, losse, vic, aries, and sephia were there.

wait, we're missing someone important right.....?

that's right. we're missing king masamune. >_<"

we went to burger king to eat, then mata informed us that masa was still at home, and probably wouldn't be down till two hours later. gee. so, out of pure boredom, we came up with a list of reasons why we should have a rebellion and overthrow masa. xD during this time, some of the others wandered off to the arcade. we went to look for them once we were done with the list.

and para-ed! we basically spent our time there para-ing. hehe. masa was there already, and i think the way he dances is scary. all those hard, accentuated, forceful movements. =x oh well. hehee. moomoo came too! he made the mistake of being mean to vic's bear, and we chased him around the arcade, finally stopping when phelios held out an arm in front of him. xD

while the rest continued to para, me, raziel, kula and moomoo went to kfc.. to eat.. again. ^_^

finally, the whole gang moved up from the arcade to bk. again. where we sat down and got back to business.

yup, i morphed into masa's secretary again. heh. so now, for the v.a. project, i'm playing masa's secretary/personal assistant too. lol.

today, phelios asked me to send all the stuff we had done to pacifica. so i guess i really am the secretary, huh. oh well.

school holidays don't feel like holidays. i don't know why.

i wrote out my profile for the v.a. project today. that's the closest i've come to writing something substential for the whole year. seriously.

gah.

where have my creative brain cells gone.

zapped dead by the jc virus, i guess.

sigh.

the memories
so dear

Saturday, September 03, 2005
5:32 PM
vision, planning, action, assessment.*

yup.. that's what dr lee was drilling into our heads the whole 7+ hours we were at acsi.

friday was a typical school day. fmath lessons, fmaths lecture(on mechanics.. yuck), and chinese lesson.. luckily the teacher didn't ask me to do the chinese composition during the holidays.. hehee. then after school, went to the band room.

went to sit in the canteen with yogendran for a while. it was raining and we were just talking about all sorts of random stuffs. then we went back to the band room. jessica left with yogendran(who conveniently left his mp3 player behind so i had to run up and get it for him >_<), and chong hui left his mp3 player in the band room too. tsk. forgetful sia. okay, at least better than me, i can leave my blouse in the band room >_<

stayed in the room with mag and daphne. mr lim came, and the four of us talked for a bit.

i want to say this here and now - if any of the acsi boys want to fight with us for accommodation or whatever during the hawaii trip, i will fight with them till the end and make them suffer!

and i mean it.

mr lim left(he was kinda miffed that acsi was going to hawaii too), and some of mag's classmates came. got me to teach one of them drums, then play the sax along to the song "wake me up when september ends". multi-talented? i think not. more like the jack(nat?) of all trades but master of none. xD

then sujin came. went up to the library to look for grace. went back to the band room, then took out my stuff and slacked outside with yeekiat, grace and mr lim. around 7pm the first alumni members started coming.

yeekiat was playing with mr lim's phone. we took a picture of ourselves and set it as his wallpaper! xD hehee. mr lim didn't say anything haha.

then, around 8pm, we left school, ran into dr lee on the way. then i went home. i think yeekiat went for dinner.

<-----break----->

celine dion
because you loved me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch
the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm greatful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved
by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love
into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because
of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

<-----end break----->

saturday, i.e. today. i set my alarm for 6.30am. but exactly half an hour before my alarm rang, i was awoken. why? because yogendran sms-ed me. eh. not the first time already ah. tsk. exactly half an hour both times too. gee. and i thought i could sleep in. *rolls eyes* haha.

left home around 7.30. was supposed to meet marcus at tampines at 7.45, but he was late, so i went to meet chong hui at buona vista. then we waited for marcus. we were supposed to be at acsi at 9am. but we reached at 9.35! and farhan was waiting for us at acsi. luckily, dr lee only came around 9.30. so it wasn't too bad. the whole acsi group was later than us! =x

overall, quite an okay session. during lunch hour, we kept bugging marcus to call dr lee, because it was raining and we wanted to go out to eat. finally marcus called, but he kept pushing the phone to chong hui, who didn't want to talk to dr lee either. heh. so i took the phone only to hear the loud voice of dr lee say, "marcus, is that you?!"

me: dr lee, can give us a lift out of school for lunch?
dr lee: can, you all wait for me.
me: thanks! *watches marcus and chong hui grin*
dr lee: eh, how come you all don't go and eat in the canteen? it's open what. the food also not that bad.
me: don't want la.. *marcus and chong hui immediately go "want, want!!"*
dr lee: okay. wait ar.
me: kay.

marcus and chong hui were going "want, want" because they thought dr lee said he'd treat us and i was turning him down. xD do i look that stupid or what man. haha.

dr lee emerged and went, "oh, raining huh. no wonder want me to drive." we couldn't stop laughing. dr lee then said, "you guys are treating me to lunch. who's buying me lunch?" and we immediately pointed at farhan. haha!

we went to some coffeeshop. food was okay. dr lee was talking a lot. haha. saying someone called him a psycho. heh. and also about acsi going to hawaii. he was quite suprised i knew about it(inside information xD). then we went back to acsi to continue with the training session.

marcus left halfway. marcus, i'm really sorry about your grandmother. hope you're all right.

went home with chong hui and farhan.

happiness! can you see me bouncing around right about now? no? hehee.

lalalalalala~~~

v.a. meeting tomorrow! hehee. meeting vera and nakuru first. ^___^ yay.

*bounces*

the memories
so dear

Thursday, September 01, 2005
1:32 PM
teacher's day holiday.*

"Close your eyes and let your memories embrace you"

In your past, (whether it be as a child, a certain relationship with someone or just a specific timeperiod) you found happiness. Now, however, you have lost it, and wish desperatly to go back and relive it all. Because you focus too much on what has already happened, you have a problem with the future and don't really wish to go there. You have mourned this loss for quite some time now, and are too used to it to let the familarity go. This situation is making you frustrated, because you can't do anything about it, but you remain unwilling to release
your memories.

What is Your Phrase? [for darker people]
brought to you by Quizilla

indeed.

monday was a usual boring day.

ditto for tuesday. maybe it was a little better. i realised i have an obsession. okay, so not really obsession.

but.
is it what i think it is?

tuesday was also the day i began to fall sick.

wednesday.
i woke up with a fever of 38.6 and a very bad flu.

wednesday was also piano exam day. went back to tk and saw the teachers before they left for their 'high tea'. xD saw shi wei too. he keeps wanting to know what the students(or 'xiao mei mei's, as he puts it) have been saying about him. and not to believe his mom's version of what's been happening to him during his short teaching career in tkg. haha. 'twas nice to have someone to hang around with once i got bored of bugging ms sim and ms ee all the time. haha.

piano exam was okay. a few hiccups here and there.
sight reading's a gone case.
screwed up my sixth apart.
but hey. what's new.

by the way, thanks for caring. ^_^

slept around 8.30. sorry, too tired. and sick. i think my fever got better once i sweat it out at tkg. the heat from the hall.. whoosh! hot! haha. well.

today, i'm all better. i hope i don't fall sick again. it makes me feel like mush. =x

happy teachers' day.

should i sms him?
nah, he's probably enjoying the break himself.

the memories
so dear