these are my memories; precious memories.

Sunday, August 07, 2005
12:03 PM
well*

i realise my resized pictures look ugly, no thanks to me. gee.

here i am sitting all alone in bedok library. why, you may ask. because people forget i exist, and forget to tell me that we're meeting at 12.30 instead of 11.50. i reached bedok interchange at 11.20, no thanks to them.

actually, i'm meeting my class to make the kites for national day celebrations, which i'll never have a chance to fly because i'm performing + going to the lunch from the principal + going to play lan after all that shit is over. it's probably going to be the last time i ever get to go lan gaming with my seniors, because shit, they end their jc band life on monday. i don't want them to leave because the band's going to be so empty without them. you ever get that feeling before? that emptiness? you're going to experience it, darlings, whether you freaking like it or not. because the jc2s are leaving. i have a selfish wish that tomorrow will never come(indeed, for tomorrow keeps changing, inconsistant crap that it is) and that we will never be seperated. i'm a selfish person. i keep thinking about myself, only about myself. it's true i'll feel insecure about everything once the jc2s go. we'll be lost, alone. we won't know what to do, how to handle, until one day everything spins out of control. and then, it'll be too late to do anything. anything at all.

i believe that they'll always be a part of my life. i love them and i probably always will, for as long as i keep in touch with them. but they're just this presence in the band room. every time i walk into the room, there's always some senior or other about. all this time, they were just.. there. and what's going to happen when they're not there any more? can you imagine, it's as if you walk into your classroom at school and all your friends aren't there. it's eerily quiet. nothing seems right. there's no sound whatsoever, no trumpet, no drums, no clarinet. nothing. not even the softest laugh.

then what shall i do? i walk to my seat, the one i've always had since i started band in jc, hoping that julian will be on my left and terrence on my right. but i have to face the reality - soon, it will be just me and mag. even though i get really put off by her sometimes, simin sitting in front of me is kind of a conforting sight, because she takes dr lee's attention off me. then there's alan or mark who's always blocking my view.. soon i'll have a clear field of vision. everything's changing.. changing too fast. i don't like it, but i have to live with it.

you know, i always take comfort that i have mag. whether it be a rough day or a quarrel with julian, we've always stuck by each other. i don't know what i would have done had she gone to tjc. although i'm sure she'd be happy there. wouldn't we all? i'm so glad that i have her. ever since graduating from tkg, she's meant so much more to me. we went through the tjc auditions together, stuck through band even when times got hard.

and the jc2s.. my pillars of support. i'll miss each and every one of them, because in some way, in their own, unique way, they've all been very very very special to me.

i know this is boring all my random readers, so the tirade of emotions shall end here for today. i'll be late in meeting my class if i don't go, but what the heck. i'm tired of waiting for people all the freaking time anyway.

tata.

the memories
so dear