these are my memories; precious memories.

Sunday, May 01, 2005
6:32 PM
no boundaries.*

nothing is going to stop us, not even today's setback at the singapore conference hall.

staring at the new wristband of mine, it says 'no boundary'. nothing is going to limit me, or the band, from getting our gold with honours. nothing.

today's practice at the conference hall was terrible. i'm kinda glad nat didn't go, she'd be so.. uh.. i can't find a word for it. anyway, it was simply awful.

was feeling rather pissed because i kept pitching wrongly, playing wrong notes and crap. i felt super out of tune and all.. sighs. just wanted to cry. when we were packing up to leave, suddenly everyone just disappeared and i had to move the stuff out of the hall by myself, and carry both mine and julian's tubas onto the bus. it's not very fun.. it's plain irritating. it did nothing to help my mood. on the way there and back, simin was being rather irritating too.. i mean, come on man, i'm trying to get some sleep and there you are just being a pest. grr. *swats* on the way back, i almost felt like crying. i don't know. i just closed my eyes and rested my head against the seat of the bus, and all of a sudden tears were welling up behind my eyelids. didn't let myself cry though..

went up to the bandroom and just wanted to rest against my stand.. but dr lee was there, he wanted to go through all the mistakes we made, and make changes. so i sat there.. i refused to let myself laugh at any of his 'jokes'(except when aidah asked about the sanitary pad) because seriously.. i think it's time we stopped laughing. we should look at it seriously, not like some great joke to giggle and laugh about. it's time we stopped talking during combine. it may seem like it's a little late for that, but it's never too late to make an effort. that's what i believe, anyway. then kiong wee made a little speech.. i think he's just wonderful.. he even sort-of cried in front of the whole band.. what he said made me want to cry too.. i didn't feel like stopping the tears but i did.. didn't want to let anyone see my tears.. kiong wee is probably the most inspirational person i've met.. after mr yeo, maybe. but yes.. what he said is true.. many times we do say things that we don't mean, that we would never mean.. but when we get angry and fustrated, all the negative words come out.. so we should try to be more understanding and tolerant these days.. and also not to take to heart what dr lee says about us.. because like dr lee said.. he wouldn't offer to reward us with a buffet at hyatt hotel if he wasn't confident that we could get a gold.. so we should do our best and not disappoint dr lee..

wanted to hide in a corner somewhere, maybe at the back exit to the band room and just cry my eyes out.. but didn't.. so yeah.. almost cried four times already.

we ended band quite late.. then went to have lunch with aidah, sazali, kwang liang, liting, eileen, terrence, alan, kenneth and jun wei at centuary square.. the rest went to tampines mall.. jason, julian, kiong wee, woan rong, mag, sujin and i'm not sure who else.. michelle came a while after, asked if i wanted to watch a movie, creep.. but i didn't go to watch with them.

went home with ter, we were both rather tired and slept on the bus.. when we reached my stop, he was still asleep so i didn't want to bother him.. just got off the bus and he didn't even know i left. poor ter, he must be exhausted. but then again, so are the rest of us.

i want to cry. just leave me alone.

the memories
so dear