these are my memories; precious memories.

Sunday, February 27, 2005
12:05 PM
*

press the panic button. now.

imagine five guys and a gal wandering from tpjc to tampines mart for lunch, cracking supremely lame jokes along the way. haha, that's how i spent my friday afternoon. wonderful. =) you should hear some of the jokes.. x) couldn't stop laughing the whole afternoon, that's how bad it was. food, people, results, spa, exams, whatever caught their attention became the butt of their jokes. some of them were so cold it started snowing ._.

okay, enough about that. i love the tpjcsb.. just that part of it. =)

well.. nothing much's happening.

mag, when you guys go up to the tallest building, remember to call me along.. just kidding. x) well, results out tomorrow, everyone's panicking, but i guess it'll be nice to see old friends. vera, you owe me my storybook. yes, yes, yes you do. ._. hmmmmm.

just hope i can stay in tpjc. got scolded by jiemin(why, dowan to aim tjc anymore arh arh arh arh?!?!?) hahah but well.

nooooo i wanna go for the aberdeen tour with nusso!!! *whines* why does it have to be like, in the middle of term three?!?!?!?!?! why does it have to cost $2800 >_< why~~!

i wanna go ._.

ohwells. guess i can't have everything.. haix.

sometimes i think i'm getting lazy. i mean, i wanted to perform for r'n'r, but decided that i have better things to do with my time(lame, i know). i wanted to play for sound of music, which required commitment for fifteen practices/performances, kept thinking about it, whether i should, because the money too would have come in handy, but because i couldn't come online during the weekdays i missed out the deadline for the application, which was in the middle of the week. so now no performance, no money. sigh. but you see i could commit to seventeen performances and zero practices because they were all in the middle of the week. oh how fun. i guess this is what you get when you're onle a sort-of member of the orchestra.. i don't even go for practices anymore, they've got their beloved daniel kiang, what do i matter.

okay i'm zi bei-ing again.

blame it on prs. pre-results stress.

._.

the memories
so dear

Saturday, February 26, 2005
2:55 PM
*

"the first time i saw you, i mistook you for someone else.
i didn't want anything to do with you because i was afraid.
but i soon realised, you were not the person i thought you were.
you were different.
unique.
i wanted to get to know you.
maybe because you were so much like someone i knew.
maybe because i needed something to hold on to.
we had fun together.
in groups, or just us, the two of us.
memories that i will always carry in my heart.
i hoped we could be great friends.
maybe more.
i grew to like you.
cherish you in every way.
i liked the way you smiled.
the way you talked.
the way you carried yourself.
everything about you.
but now, something threatens to tear us apart.
the release of o level results.
and it means i may never get to see you again.
i wish i could be with you forever.
but perhaps some things are inevitable.
and before we part, there is something i must tell you."

yes.. there is something i must tell you.. because if i don't, and if i never get another chance to tell you, i will regret it for the rest of my life.. the way i regret so many other things..

i mean every word i wrote.. from the bottom of my heart.

if we really have to part.. then i hope you remember me too.

[edit 11.52 am 5th march]because it hurts too much.[/edit]

the memories
so dear

11:11 AM
*

john's not the only one stuck at home today. or for the rest of the weekend, for that matter.

but for my case, it wasn't my doctor's fault x)

well, class gathering's been called off on account of rain, and the puddles. i'm not complaining, i like the rain. and i'm not a super lets-all-go-cycling-at-the-beach sort of person. but yeah. i hate being the bearer of bad news, since people like zanjun still wants to go 'cause "it isn't raining that heavily.". well, don't complain if you get injured.. i want no part of it. so mingsheng, zj and vanessa are still going, but that's gonna be their problem. *skid-crash*

end up with an injury like that on john's knee, or worse.

and then some.

so yeah.

it's so hard.

the memories
so dear

Thursday, February 24, 2005
1:52 PM
*

whee school rocks ya?? heheh.. okay okay.

uh, it's been confirmed, the much-dreaded o level results are coming out on monday. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -screams-

okay i shall try to be sane.

i shall not organise anything for my class again. nothing. ever. hahahahahahahahahaha. who ask them.. complain complain, all they can do is complain.. argh.

yes, i wanna make chocolates. today. i wanna make em and i wanna try that method mag told me to make round chocolates. mmmm chocolates. wahahahah.

class attendance is terrible.. we have 11 people in gp now. =) we're all slacking~ slacking rocks. but then again. with the horrible turnout, there isn't much we can do.

other than slack.

yay. =)

ooh computer quiz. fun fun fun. =)

i'm hiiiiiigh. yippee.

we lost debate, by the way. kinda relieved. because ian and kenghwee kept bugging me for every sinle freaking detail, and mrs wee - omg - smsed me at 1am just to ask if my script was okay, called me at 6+ to confirm i was coming to school, and smsed me at 7+ to tell me 'see you in lt3'. omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg she's just stressing us out lorhx..

okay fine. i shall calm down now.

so while 14 of the class go off to watch white noise/hide and seek, i shall diligently do my computer quiz.

tata.

see i'm so guai kia today. =)

the memories
so dear

Sunday, February 20, 2005
4:26 PM
p*

it's amazing how something so simple can make someone so happy.

so scrap all the crappy feelings i had in the past couple of hours.

i'm the world's happiest gal.

=)

thank you!!!

the memories
so dear

2:04 PM
*

i want to accept that invitation thing.

that you probably didn't really know you sent to me anyway because you probably just sent it to everyone in your address book.

but let's face it.

i can't.

no, i'm not very concerned about the money..

it's you.

everytime i see your name, hear your name, see you sign in, it just gives me a little jolt and messes with my mind.

is it so wrong to like a person? is it so terrible? does it have to be guarded like some secret that could destroy the world? why is it everyone feels so awkward when it comes to relationships?

haix.

i want someone to talk to.

the memories
so dear

12:46 PM
*

and you would rather have nothing to do with me. you would rather pretend we didn't know each other, that i don't exist, that you've never seen me before in your entire life, that we're just strangers who've never spoken to each other, and you want me to do the same.

i'm sorry i can't.

okay okay so that was absolute ages ago. but i still can't help fuming when i think about it. which isn't a lot anymore, because i don't see you anymore, and actually, i quite intend to keep it that way. but then again, you never did care, did you.

-_-"

i shall go for nusso prac one day just for a chance to bite stb's head off, see if i don't. quite a quirky nickname guanyu gave him, but nevermind, std's are worse, so stb he shall stay.

okay i'm crapping.

i'm not quite happy about being the one called upon to make every single freaking decision when it comes to debate. i didn't ask to be head of this, i didn't even ask to be in debate, so yes, quit bugging me with even the smallest of details, because it gets friggin' irritating. i mean, please, after all that i'm still the third speaker. what the fu*k you do doesn't really concern me, i'm just the one sitting at the end of the row waiting to spring up with some witty comeback to whatever crap they may throw at us. so please. i did tell you to go sort it out amongst yourselves, yet you still came and asked me what you were supposed to do. and when i make decisions, you complain about them. i don't get it, if you want me to decide then why raise objections? why not just do as i say, or decide on your own? come on, man, it's pissing me off. you wouldn't like it either.

arghhhhh. *screams*

and yeah thanks a lot you're being very helpful by calling me at all the wrong times.

i'm really sorry that i'm in a bad mood but yeah, i need to let it out somehow.

._. i wanna go to the beach and stone. just stone. just stone....

just stone.

the memories
so dear

Saturday, February 19, 2005
12:13 PM
*

i can't help it. i felt so touched when i saw this on friendster.. a true gem. it's so beautiful it makes me wanna cry.

* Tell her you think she's cool.
* Tell her why you think she's so cool.
* Smell her hair.
* Talk to her in movie theatres.
* Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river; she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it.
* Hold her hand and skip.
* Hold her hand and run.
** Just hold her hand.
* Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her.
* Tell her she's pretty.
* Let her pay if she wants to.
* Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know.
* Sit in the park and talk to her.
** JUST TALK TO HER.
* Take her to the library.
** TAKE HER ANYWHERE.
* Tell her dirty jokes.
** TELL HER HAPPY STORIES.
*** TELL HER SAD STORIES.
**** TELL HER YOUR STORIES.
***** TELL HER ANYTHING.
* Tell her stupid jokes.
* Write poems about her.
** Just walk with her.
* Throw pebbles at her window.
* When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
* Take her to shows of bands she's never heard of.
* Hold her hand in the mosh pit.
* Let her fall asleep in your arms.
** Call her.
* Call her back if she calls you.
* Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.
* Carve your names into a tree.
* Get her mad, then kiss her.
* Give her piggy-back rides.
* Go see her band play even if they really suck and tell her they were great.
* Give her space if she needs it.
* Push her on swings.
* Stay up with her all night when she's sick.
* Make up pet names for her but cool ones not sappy ones.
* Teach her guitar.
* Lend her your cds.
* Write on her.
** WRITE ABOUT HER.
* Make her mixtapes.
* Write her letters.
* Take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones.
** Just hang out with her.
* Listen to all the bands she mentions.
* Don't tell her that her favorite bands suck.
* When she's sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.
* Buy her ice cream.
** Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
* Look into her eyes.
* Slow dance with her even if the music is fast.
** TELL HER A SECRET.
* Kiss her in the rain.
** JUST KISS HER.
*** TRUST HER.
**** LOVE HER.
***** BE YOURSELF AROUND HER.
****** CHERISH HER.
******* and when you fall in love with her tell her.

i can't help feeling, i don't know, kinda sappy right about now. haha, if only all guys stuck to this code.. perhaps. =)

i like you.

the memories
so dear

10:24 AM
*

valentine's day was rad. i'm so glad that everyone liked the chocolates, although when it comes to guessing what's inside them, people tend to give wierd answers. louis asked me if i used popcorn, and mrs wee even said they tasted like almonds -_-" i don't remember putting nuts into my chocolates. but whatever, they liked them, that's enough for me =)

well, tuesday i was greeted with the wonderful news that s29 has been brought forward into the quarterfinals of debate. it's actually quite cool, really. imagine if s29 were the champions of debate. *moans in delirious esctacy* it's an amazing ego boost. it's, just, well, the preparation and the speaking part that i don't like. x) but well. i guess some things just have to be done. blame it on the fact that i wasn't able to worm my way out of this. but oh well. i heard a02's debate team rockz0rs and somehow i'm scared. it makes me kinda glad that we're up against s26 this round. =) but the motion is so sucky, it would be nothing short of a miracle of s26 doesn't sue my team for discrimination. i mean,

this house believes that homosexual couples should be allowed to adopt children.

okay, so my team's standing up for what's normal, being opposition and all. but still. mag/clarie/yushan/joanne/john's class s04 is in the quarters as well, and ben/yasmeen/sarah's class a02 too. yay i can try to get help. if it's absolutely necessary. *cringes*

okay. i'm not very excited about this. so shoot me.

band is fun. i especially like bars 224 onwards of armenian dances. i mean, fastfastfastfastfastadrenalinerush. =)

watched constantine on thursday with john, who conveniently chucked the ticket stubs away *bish* he first dragged me to some friendship week gameshow put up by the sc which i didn't know existed(the game, not the sc). and then he made me watch 100 miles of credits for the extra scene at the end. mag admits that it was her fault, she told john he had to see that scene. well, okay. haha.. it was great fun though, i mean, before the movie started you would have seen two teenagers gushing over soft toys(i like that giant dog hehee).

you owe me, john x)

yesterday was relatively uneventful. my row likes copying my answers to that debate word definition thing that mrs wee made us do. =) i don't mind much, we're all fun people. and yes, s29 had a rad time at bk. now, to get even with those who pang seh-ed us. x) okay okay just kidding.

at the moment, i'm waiting for keng hwee/ian to email me the stuffz0rs for debate. the joys of being third speaker =)

i must remember to collect money for s29 bbq. hehee =) i love organizing stuff. tis fun.

i shall stop ranting here. =)

the memories
so dear

Sunday, February 13, 2005
6:37 PM
*

my 'masterpieces' are complete, i've got my flowers, and i have my cooler box(*snickers*). i'm looking forward to tomorrow!! it's gonna rock.

my brother asked me too help him purchase flowers. hmm.. quote mingsheng: "something wrong!!" hahaha.. and he even asked me to help him make extra chocolates. something's definitely fishy.. haha. okay. shall bug him later maybe.

i miss jiemin. =)

no marcus for the last time i am not going for any funfairs!!!!!! ._.

can't wait for tomorrow. =)

the memories
so dear

12:13 PM
*

who says you have to have a valentine's day date to be happy? who says you even need to have a date on valentine's day?? it's like some sort of unwritten rule.. well, guess what, i'm gonna rebel =) anyway, it looks like i'm not gonna be the only one.. actually i do have a date, with my tuba that is, my beloved laogong.. haha i heard from an inside source that many tkgssb peeps are gonna pon band to go out with their significant others, so there'll be a significant drop in the number of members who show up xD i guess it'll be the same case for tpjcsb? haha..

it's going to be so fun. =)

yup you'll see this girl trudging around school with a cooler box thing tomorrow. don't expect it to be large, just expect it to be blue lol..

i wanna flood someone's tagboard. just tagtagtagtagtagtag with random stuffies. *clickclickclick*

oh oh i'm high. =) shall continue making chocolates.

maybe later. x)

the memories
so dear

Saturday, February 12, 2005
6:26 PM
*

i don't get why everyone's so excited to be able to load twelve pictures on friendster. it's just twelve pictures. and anyway, i don't look all that good in photos. please excuse me for my lack of excitement. not everyone has twelve photos they want to upload. although i do wanna upload those neoprints i took with kohsin and qixian on friday.. =) it took quite a bit of convincing for her(qixian) to actually take neoprints with us, but we did it, and i feel proud. but i digress.

chocolates! =) i feel pleased. so far everything's going okay, but i have one problem: the chocolates melt very quickly. ._. haix. i will find a way.. freeze them first maybe =x or just forget about it and bring an icebox x) now that'll be a sight.

just for fun, check this out.

Q1:If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Q2: It is time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologers. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

And by the way ,if you said yes to the abortion question, you've just killed Beethoven.

cool. =)

the memories
so dear

3:20 PM
*

just a little something i found on friendster.. here it is, after i cleaned it up and everything. heh.

do guys really behave like this when in love? When a guy really falls in love and becomes faithful to his beloved, his change in his character will really shock everyone around him.. His egoist heart will uncompromisingly soften when he willingly gives his heart to the lady he falls in love with.. furthermore he'll be willing to sacrifice everything and do anything for his loved one.. No matter how egoist he may be, tears will fall from his cheeks when his heart's broken.. It's not easy to see guys who would truly cry for their loved ones...

~ 20 signs to recognise the strong love a guy holds for his beloved..

1. he willingly do anything and everything for his beloved.. with sincerity not coercion.

2. he constantly wants to humour his beloved and tends to be more talkative.

3. he tends to advise his beloved more as he truly loves her and wants her to be a better person.

4. he tries to restrict her freedom due to his overwhelming jealousy.

5. he constantly fears losing his beloved.

6. he always monitors his beloved's movements as he feels insecure.

7. he hates the idea of other guys being close to his beloved.

8. he becomes jealous and sensitive when his beloved pays less attention to him.

9. he becomes the most hardworking person and help his beloved to do anything and everything.

10. he becomes restless when his beloved's away for too long.

11. he cares for his beloved more than he does himself.

12. he constantly asks if his beloved loves him as he feels his love is greater than his beloved's.

13. he would not be bothered with other gals who don't hold any importance to him.

14. he will try to spend a lot of time with his beloved even though he knows he'll end up waiting for his beloved.

15. he praises his beloved in front of others.

16. if his beloved leaves him, he can't trust any other gal and wishes for his beloved to come back to him.

17. when there is a third party, he loses his mind and is willing to do anything to fight for his beloved.

18. he makes sure he ensures her safety at all times.

19. he is like a small kid who fights for constant attention from his beloved.

20. he treats his beloved as his most trusted one and willing to sacrifice all of his wealth and even his life for her.

~it's not easy to find guys who would shed their tears just for gals.. so please treasure them...~

i really have nothing to say lah.. it's up to you whether you want to believe it.. sighx.

it's not as easy as it seems. making chocolates, that is. it's my first attempt and i must admit it's quite disasterous. haha. actually i wanna say sorry in advance to the people i'm gonna give them to.. =x haha.. okay okay it's not that bad. x)

well.. yeah.

you may think i'm happy, but i'm not gonna be okay.

the memories
so dear

1:03 PM
well*

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.

it's actually quite amazing: tpjc.net isn't as lame as i thought it was. hmm. *shrugs*

i haven't actually started making my chocolates yet, but i'm gonna start in a bit. it's kind of cool, actually, when you think about it. =) hehee.. can't wait to start.

guess i should start melting the stuff first. =) ciao.

the memories
so dear

10:25 AM
dot.*

i can't believe there are people out there who would just tag on other people's boards anonymously. for one, it's plain, frigging irritating. another thing is it just proves what cowards people these days are. can't even tell someone something to their face, resorting to such underhand measures to either get attention or bring another person down. life doesn't work like that, what happens if you don't have a computer? i know on the net it's easy to hide who you are, but if you have such condemning things to say, you'd better say it to the person's face. at least, that's what i believe in. it's disgusting that you have to go around parading as 'someone' or 'i' or whatever. it's stupid. didn't your parents give you a name? think, what's that name for, huh? so you can tell everyone that you are 'someone'? it's insane and it's totally gross. it's disgusting beyond words. it's irritating and it doesn't put your point across because if you tag anonymously, no one's gonna take notice. because.

argh i'm sorry i'm all riled up about this ._. but seriously it's irritating. such cowards.. *shakes head* it's rather sad that people don't have the courage to tell people stuff to their face.. i mean, admit it, you're such freaking cowards.

ok ok. shall not bother about these idiots.

i hafta go make my chocolates now. tata.

the memories
so dear

Thursday, February 10, 2005
11:37 AM
haish*

Tried working with a new template, but ended up screwing the entire thing up. So what the heck. What do I care anyway, right?

The bright side is, I am now cured! Heheh.. My flu's totally gone =) No more sniffling. Hehee..

I want to organize class outing!! Hmm.. Wonder if the bbq on 19th is still on? =D John, gather all your friends and let's organize another Vega bbq! Wahahah.. Yes, I can feel it, I am high again. ^_^ No, that does not mean you have to run and hide, it just means you'll have to bear with me until my mood takes a nosedive again.

Two days up, two days down. Perfect. =)

Spent the entire morning browsing Friendster.. Hehe you won't believe the things you can find! =)

I shall go haunt some website or other now. Ciao.

the memories
so dear

Wednesday, February 09, 2005
6:32 PM
haix*

What can I say. When low in spirits, find someone to talk to. Unfortunately whenever I want to talk to someone, they end up disappearing offline. Take Mingsheng for example. Or Mr Yeo. Or whoever.

When low in spirits, try to run your game again. Any game. In this case, Maplestory is not bitching anymore!! That's kinda good, although I cringe to find myself excited that Maplestory is working for me again. Haix.

Well, at least I will have something to do.. Something to take my mind off the undeniable wave of sadness that is overwhelming me.. The fact that i could have been so stupid, to repeat the same mistake twice.. I know, I did it differently this time, but it was the exact. Same. Mistake. Damnit.

I want to scream. I want to go to the beach and stare at nothingness. I want to cry until I have no more tears left. I want to sleep and never wake up.

I want to be with you.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Haix.

the memories
so dear

4:28 PM
*sniff**

Over the past two days I have managed to make myself look like a total fool. I have risen to the highest point emotionally possible(and for me, that is very very high) only to plummet to the bottom of a pit that seems to go on forever, and slam into the rocky floor with an impact that would shatter bones. My fall was akin to any vertical line: straight down.

I must now apologise to Huifang and Vera. I was so high when we first met yesterday, yet in a matter of moments I seemed to have lost all my zest and energy. I'm sorry that you guys had to put up with it. Really, really sorry. I guess it just hit me too hard.

Have you ever felt like nothing in the world mattered, just as long as you could go back in time and change just one thing? Have you ever felt like crying, screaming, letting it all out, but just couldn't find it in you to cry? Have you ever experienced how it is like to be crushed, just like that?

Haix.

I can't believe it. And last night, I made a fool out of myself by saying something I probably shouldn't have. Perhaps it was a right decision, more likely not, but now that it has happened there's nothing I can do to take it back. I think it would be better if that person knows, anyway, but I don't want a whole replay of what happened last year, and have another experience with the whole "she-likes-me-so-I'm-going-to-avoid-her" nonsense. If what I think is going to happen, happens, then it's just my fault. I screwed it up one time for waiting too long, and then I screw it up a second time by not thinking before I sms.

Wonderful.

Haix.

I'm sorry that I'm not marvelously high anymore. I just hope I can recharge emotionally before I have to go back to school on Friday. As well as be mentally prepared for what might happen.. Not a very joyful thought. *cringes*

To my fellow slackers: let us organize a wild expidition party to wherever on Monday because we are all going to be date-less - me included, sadly.

Haix.

Oh, Nat.

the memories
so dear

Sunday, February 06, 2005
2:37 PM
whee*

[chorus]Baby I love you
And I'll never let you go
But if I have to
Boy I think that you should know
All the love we made
Can never be erased
And I promise you that
You will never be replaced

[chorus]

I love you
Yes I do
I'll be with you
As long as you want me to
Until the end of time

From the day I met you
I knew we'd be together
And now I know
I want to be with you forever
I wanna marry you
And I wanna have your kids
Things can never compare to
The feeling of your kisses

But if the day comes
That I have to let you go
I think there's something
I should probably let you know
That everything
That I felt for you
And I'm glad that I had you at all

[chorus] X2

I'll be with you as long as you want me to.

Such a pretty song, no? Haha.. The voice is full of innocence.. Haix. If only.

Feeling better today! Finally! Heheh.. Yup.

Tomorrow will be a wonderful day. I can feel it already =)

the memories
so dear

Saturday, February 05, 2005
10:26 AM
argh*

For the past week, I have been trying to tell someone something, but that someone keeps running away. And I mean running.

Actually I don't have much to say.. Debate went well, we ended up in a tie with S22, Mrs Wee said we're the two science classes with the best debate results, and Ian's the best speaker(congratulations). 4e9 class gathering r0x0red, but what took place after that didn't. I'm half-prepared with my gifts, all I need now are the main stuffz0rs, nice pink glittery pens, ribbons, glue maybe, paper and a whole bunch of toothpicks. Don't ask. You don't want to know. I have to make about 30++ so good luck to me.

I'm sorta feeling better. Spent the whole week sick, ran road run sick, did pe sick, did basically everything sick. I don't think anyone cared though, so thanks for your concern, yea.

I'm sorry I'm feeling like a bitch today. So much's going on and I don't know where to start. I know what I have to do and what I'm gonna do but somehow something's missing. It hurts fullstop. Maybe it's that. But I guess I'll never know, because I can't read people's minds. Argh whatever.

ning yuan si suan le.

the memories
so dear