l 0 v e*]] is about seeing his faults
knowing his shortcomings
and yet
you know you can't live
w i t h o u t h i m..
*three simple words
*i love you.
*i hope you feel the same way too.
-thanks for coming.
-please leave a tag to let me know you came.
-if y0u don't like what i write, scram.
+by the way, my tagboard is not for you to abuse!
+anything bad you wanna say, say it to my face. thanks.
you, and me.
since o8/10/o5
memoriesofyouandme=)
Monday, December 06, 2004
3:28 PM blah*
As a prelude to the coming post: My tags keep disappearing from somewhere, and it's pissing me off. Seriously.
Okay, that had nothing to do with what I'm about to type. xD
Just back from TJ where we had band prac(again). Woke up late. What an awful start to the day.. And then I got attacked by acute stomachache(doesn't it sound like a perfect day already?!). Rushed out about 5 minutes behind schedule. Had to run for the bus(that's why I say I'm a sprinter!) and then waited ages for 12. And just when I decided I would take a cab, all the taxis that came my way were occupied/on call. -_-" Ooookay. And then the bus came.
I reached TJ in the nick of time, and Mag wasn't there yet =\ And the big surprise: Terrence and Wan Han didn't come. The bigger surprise? Yaocong actually came >_<" -Joy to the world, Yaocong is here- Okay. So that left me and Mag under the scrutiny of the Student Conductor/SL. Hurrah.
Sectionals was.. Shall I say, uneventful. Nothing much happened except that Mag kept moaning.. Poor dear. xD And Yaocong's face is so gao xiao.. Hahah. Okay nevermind.
Lunch was at a very very early 10.45. Conductor came at 11.45(I feel like I'm chronicling my life here). Combine.. Well.. There have been changes to the seating arrangement, and I can hardly talk to Mag without making her turn close to 180 degrees. Yaocong's gonna conduct the Rhapsodies for Hannukah. Oh, hurrah. Again. Haix.
But what made the day better(slightly!!) was the fact that I didn't screw up my Impressions of Japan today.. Somewhat. I am finally improving. Somewhat.
And Lianwei was playing christmas songs on his tuba -_-" Okay. Sure.
I don't wanna talk about practice anymore.
I don't get it. You say you treat me as a friend, but somehow I don't get that feeling. You ignore me all the time, you never talk to me, you.. Well.. It feels as if we're fighting some sort of miniature Cold War. Maybe it's.. I don't know, it's wierd. It feels strange, at least to me it does. I still feel the sting, but I'm sure you don't.. You're great at blocking people and pain out that way, aren't you? I can't keep up with you anymore. I've tried to feel different, but in the end I still can't forget.. But then again, what was there to remember in the first place? Not like anything happened..
Maybe it's me. Maybe I should just go away and give up what I'm fighting for now. Maybe that will lessen the pain, I don't know. Maybe I should just forget about my dreams and accept the inevitable.. Maybe it's just me. You know, suddenly there's no meaning to this battle that I keep struggling in.. It feels like I'm floundering in the water, and I can't swim. Perhaps there is nothing left to fight for. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe it's just me.
Or maybe it's just you.
Some part of me refuses to accpet things the way they are.. I've fought for so long, fought so hard.. If I were to give up now.. It would have been a total waste of my effort.. But another part of me wants to stop fighting. I just want to stop struggling, feeling lost, feeling out of place, feeling as if I'm supposed to do something to remedy the situation. Feel like I just wanna drop dead.
Everything's passing in a whir. If I find myself struggling in vain, then soon everything will be over, and I know that the pain will just deepen. It'll be a constant reminder of the failure that I am, but I guess, if that's the case, that feeling would soon pass.. I hope. But if I get what I want.. Would I truly feel happy? Would this hurt go away? No, I don't think so.. Because there you'll be.. I would not be happy, never.
All of a sudden I feel like crying.
It might be over soon.. Too soon.
Try to keep up.
the memories
so dear
im waiting for the day.
nat` ;
09101988 ;
16 ;
tpjc band tuba ;
morphobia@hotmail.com ;
cosplayer ;
for you to tell me.
#1tuba
#2bball
#3soccer
#4band
#5piano
that you love me too.
#1new wallet
#2new phone[samsung sgh-e730/e720c]
#3good grades for promos
#4lose weight
#5him[found him]
escape from reality
dec 05 - eoy @ expo - rhode from dgray man - pending
dec 05 - photoshoot - rhode from dgray man
dec 05 - videoshoot - sara(vampires anonymous)
mar 06 - photoshoot - cocowet from erementer gerad
dec 06 - eoy @ ???? - cocowet from erementer gerad