l 0 v e*]] is about seeing his faults
knowing his shortcomings
and yet
you know you can't live
w i t h o u t h i m..
*three simple words
*i love you.
*i hope you feel the same way too.
-thanks for coming.
-please leave a tag to let me know you came.
-if y0u don't like what i write, scram.
+by the way, my tagboard is not for you to abuse!
+anything bad you wanna say, say it to my face. thanks.
you, and me.
since o8/10/o5
memoriesofyouandme=)
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
12:17 PM poems*
I don't usually write poems, but in the recent span of two days, I find myself writing two poems for two seperate incidents. One saddens me, and one tears at me. But nonetheless. I've had nice compliments, but I don't think I'll be writing many more poems, they're just not me.
I'm going for what I call the Seniors' BBQ later. Yup.. Hope I'll have something nice to blog for a change, instead of all this sad stuff.
The tears, they don't stop. I once heard this: 'what if the person who can stop your tears is the person who made you cry?' Life is so fragile, and so bloody ironic too. Bloody ironic. Sometimes I think that life's just.. Well.. Like that, you know what I mean? Haix..
Oh well. I gotta run if I'm gonna be on time.. Hungry! Grarh.
Seeya.
the memories
so dear
Monday, November 29, 2004
8:46 PM uh.*
Just emerged from the most messy conference call ever. Try having five people in the same conversation. All that Fang Xian's fault.. Haha.. Trying to get people to go for the VJ concert. Well.. I don't mind going lahh. Haha.. Was amusing. Kinda cool actually.. But sad that we're gonna be splitting up. It's been four years.. Gets hard to let go. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to part, didn't have to leave each other. Didn't have to change. Argh I love my section so much. =\ Haix.
This song, Melodies of Life. Such a sweet song, it induces tears and memories.. Cause right now, my life has no melody.. How ironic, because I play the tuba, a bass instrument.. Without a melody.. Am I destined to be this way? ..No, I refuse to accept that.. Even though people say, carve out your own future, you own destiny, I have to disagree somewhat.. Everything is preordained.. So, if I'm to be a lonely bassist all my life, so be it.. I shall live my life without a melody. But that doesn't mean I'll give up what I want to achieve.. What I want to have.. Not only what, but also who.. Yes. Without you, my life has no melody.
How awkward a song is without a melody! You are what makes the song of my life complete. It doesn't feel quite right without you.
See what I'm getting at?
Perhaps not, but I shan't say any more.. I shall let you figure this out by yourself.. If you even read this, that is. Sometimes I take for granted that what I write will be seen by you.. Until I remember that you don't care, not anymore, anyway.
So, am I just wasting my time? ...No, I don't believe so. I'm merely expressing what I want to say, in my own way.. And hoping that you'll see what I want to say to you.. Just some of the things I would never tell you face to face..
the memories
so dear
6:36 PM some crappy thing*
This was actually kinda inspiried by what Marcus wrote.. Two-lined verse, so I came up with my own. Girl's point of view. Sad, really, that I have to do this.
He came, she appeared Fate brought two together.
He smiled, she loved Bliss didn't seem far away.
He heard, when she said Harsh words exchanged.
He walkes away, she asks him to stay Emptiness builds inside her.
He doesn't look back, she clings to hope Tears began to fall.
He stays afar, she watches him Sorrow fills her.
He doesn't know, she doesn't tell Pain is what guides her.
Think it's kinda silly. I mean.. Oh well. But that's how I feel.. As a writer, no matter how amature, I have to get it out somehow. I'm not the master at poetry, so I don't know if this is passable, but whatever, it's not for a paper.
I need to.. Vent my feelings somehow. I'm tired of bottling it up all inside, yet I don't want to talk about it. Not very much, anyway.
I bury my face in my hands, and think of you. And the tears start to fall.
the memories
so dear
4:32 PM hi there. again.*
Got home from practice at TJ quite late today.. Celebrating some people's birthdays.. Today was kinda fun at prac. I know why I'm so tired le.. I think. It must be because of the three hours of lan gaming and instant deaths that Loo Kit subjected me to yesterday. Who ask him kill me so fast, so sianx.. Hahah.. And Warcraft III just made me look silly =
Okay. Today's prac wasn't too bad, and even though I screwed my solo again, I could play about 70% of the notes.. Haha.. Yup. And sectionals wasn't as bad as I expected.. It was actually quite fun, even though it had Mag moaning after.. =) But! Twas cool. Poor Mag, she thinks there's something wrong with her. Keep your head high, sweetie! You'll make it, I'm sure you will.
And if you don't, what makes you think I'll make it? =\ Oh well..
We played the set piece today! The 'Singapore Rhapsodies' or something of that sort.. It's actually quite nice, even though some supposedly happy parts are in minor key. But it all fits together nicely, and I have no complaint. =) Yups.. I think I'm improving, and it's about time. And even though I screwed it up, I really really like Impressions Of Japan. Especially the third movement, supposed to depict some festival or other. The beginning of the first movement is nice too. =) Birds! Heheh..
They tried to pillar Guang Yao today o_O At least I think that's how his name is spelt(and the other tubist is from Catholic High named Wan Han). Well.. It was his birthday. =) And they bought him boxer shorts. They had a specific purpose.. Haha. I shall not go into the details of TJ's birthday celebration rituals. Let's just say he put up such a good fight that those carrying him were more tired than he was, considering that he was struggling for his life(or you could say, modesty.. Haha). It was quite interesting watching them trying to hold him still as he trashed for dear life(modesty).. Although soon it would have been rated NC(16) if he hadn't managed to get away in the end.. Haha.. And in a public place some more. Tsk. Hahah.. Almost ran smack into Luther on my way back into the room.. Twas most amusing. Hehee..
Ohyes where's my phone O_o Haha Vera's going to work! Good for her. Hehee.. At least I don't have to.. Too many things on to actually find time to work. =\ Heh.
Arg I could have met Peter this afternoon but the birthday celebrations messed up my plans.. And Peter left Tampines at 3+, around the same time I left TJ.. Argh.. Okay nevermind! There will, uh, be other chances? Lol..
It's amazing how you learn to appreciate something once you've lost it.
I miss talking to you. Really really really do. I miss your jokes, your teasing sometimes. Haix.. I miss everything about you. Yin1 wei4 ni3 de4 xiao4 lian3 hen2 ke3 ai4~. Really. Really. Arg.. Yin1 wei4 ni3 zhen1 de4 hen2 ke3 ai4. Haix.. I miss you already. And no matter what.. I'll always care about you.. Really.. Even if you never look at me ever again, I'll still be concerned about you.. Really..
Gosh what is wrong with me :: >_< ::
I shall stop crapping now before this post gets any longer. Uh, bye bye.
the memories
so dear
7:35 AM arg*
I can't believe how tired I feel. Perhaps it was staying up too late the previous night, I'll never know. But now I feel exhausted. I can barely stay awake. And I have practice in a bit. =\ Oh isn't this wonderful.. Hope I don't screw up again, like I did the last time. Still trying to get my fingering right. Grarh.
You can take the girl away from the Eb but you can't take the Eb out of the girl.
Well, it's gonna be tough, I can feel it. But then again, who else cares? Haix.. I don't want to go today, but I want to go.. How conflicting my thoughts this morning. =X
Come on now, time to get going if I want to make it there on time. Tata.
the memories
so dear
Sunday, November 28, 2004
6:43 PM home sweet home*
I'm back. Just came home from Nat's, after which I went lan gaming with Loo Kit..
I haven't played CS for such a long time le. I've become rusty. So much so that the first few games weren't much fun, seeing that Loo Kit killed me each time with a bullet to my head -_-;; But after that it got better. I catually managed to kill some other gamers(or bots.. hehee). Tried my hand at Warcraft III: Frozen Throne. Actually.. We got thrashed. =P So sad! Haha.. Keep getting killed! But it was fun.. Loo Kit kept suan-ing me.. ._. Can you not do that anymore =\ Haha.. Next time must find more people to go.
Anyway.. He was just basically being irritating(duh, what else right.. Haha.. -_-"). But he's fun to hang out with. Hehee.. Yes we shall lan game together more often. I must re-learn how to play CS =\ Ended up lan gaming at Katong. I don't know why i'm so obliging. Ah well. Hey but it was a nice place. =)
I want to watch a lot of movies! ._.
Ohyes Pepper's sososososo cute =) He almost bit me tho O_o
I'm bored and in need of someone to talk to. Better still if it were you.
So confused. And stop suan-ing me you. Haix.. I'm tired of having all these thoughts swirling around in my head. I'm sick of being clueless half the time.
That love so great was not returned in kind.
That I would give the world to tell you how I feel.
That your smile would lift my spirits.
That my heart is in your hands, and you do not know it.
That every thought that crosses my mind at night is of you.
That I am actually willing to love and not be loved in return.
Okay now it's starting to sound psychotic. o_O haix..
I shall stop myself from babbling. Bye.
the memories
so dear
Saturday, November 27, 2004
5:35 PM I say*
Sometimes I find it very hard to tell someone how I feel about them or about a situation. Result: I either put it across bluntly or don't mention my feelings at all. Which leads to many, many unforseen problems. I am dealing with one now. Maybe you think I'm quiet, but I'm not. I just find it hard to open up to people sometimes. It's just so awkward trying to get to know new people. And in this world, it's hard to tell who you can trust. Who knows, someone may just stab you in the back one day. No questions asked, no explainations offered. And that's just crap.
Fine. I'm antisocial. But that's just me.
Have you ever been in a room full of people, yet felt so, so alone? Have you ever been in close proximity with someone, and known that he or she could not, would not be yours? Have you ever felt the pain of losing someone you thought dear? Have you felt the sting of guilt as someone you cherish turned their back on you? Have you ever smiled, but felt like crying? Have you ever just gazed at someone from afar, wishing that they would turn and see you? Have you locked gazes with someone, felt so upset that you had to turn away even though not a single word was exchanged across a crowded room? Have you ever experienced a sense of loss when your friend refused to even look your way after a bitter argument that was never meant to happen? Have you ever cried because you loved someone who would never be in your arms? Have you ever felt sorrow because something you wished for never came to be?
I tell you today, I have experienced this. Believe me when I say you do not want to go through all this.
I have cried for things I can not have, even the smallest things that meant so much to me. I'd never have thought I would cry for a person, but I did. And I never thought it would have been you. But you are the reason tears fill my eyes. You are the reason my heart aches with pangs of sorrow and hurt. You are the reason I cannot bring myself to talk to you. You are the reason I do the things I do. You. You.
You touched my heart and took my breath away. You came, and I trusted. You held my heart high, that fragile crystal, and before I knew it, you let it drop. Never asking if you could help pick up and mend the broken pieces. I'm starting all over again. But once a crystal shatters, there is no way you can make it perfect again. Some shards will forever remain missing, and know that they lie in the palm of your hand. You hold the last fragments of my broken heart. You left a hole in me. A hole that cannot be mended, not yet.
A crystal left imperfect. A useless jewel.
A crushed soul, a broken heart.
I never thought it would come to this, but it has. No way to change what has been done, no way to go back to the beginning.
I cry.
the memories
so dear
12:54 PM *
I thought that myblog post had been eaten by the terrible creature on my desktop that calls itself my computer, but apparently it's all right. I've wronged the monster =\ Anyway.
I'm at Nat's now, feeling kinda bored. Nat's gone for her violin lesson, won't be back till 2.30 or so. Her laptop is so cute! Hehee.. But kinda hard to use cause I keep hitting the wrong keys, and there's no mouse attached to it, only that touchpad thingo. But it's cool. =) maybe we'll pop some popcorn, watch a movie or two. I love movies =) hahah..
Pepper is so cute! Wait till I get a photo of him. Sweet little thing. And I've seen the drowning lobster =\ A fish that drowned.. That'll make headlines.
So now, I'm gonna occupy myself till Nat gets home. Tata.
the memories
so dear
8:26 AM (=*
Woke up a while ago. Now working on the photos that I took at prom. Quite huge =\ Haha.. Anyway.
Prom yesterday.. Hmm. Vera showed up fashionably late, as always, in some foofy white skirt and fishnet stockings.
My Queen Cleopatra
And you haven't seen the closeup of her face yet. =)
Hahah.. The icebreaker games were kind of lame.. And we had an unidentified emcee o_O And the dj was unidentified too. Haha.. The food was kinda alright. Buffet! =) Buffets are always good. Hehee. I know desert rocked. Yum yum. Ooh and I sprayed my hair red. And glittery. =
Sometime during the 'Miss TKGS' contest Nat called me.. Talked to her for a long long long time =) I was bored! Haha.. So after that my phone battery decided to die on me -_-" Going to Nat's house later, so it doesn't really matter. Haha.. Then Fann won the 'Miss TKGS' pagent(4/9 rocks forever!) and then the real fun started! Dancing!
Who said girls can't dance without guys. We thrive without guys... Right? Oh, whatever. =)
Tons of fun. Could even feel the floor shaking. Mich, Vera and Huifang didn't dance, spoilsports. Heheh. But it was so great. Then we did school cheer =) Screaming! I temporarily lost my voice yesterday. =
TKGS ROCKS FULLSTOP. No questions asked.
And just one last time..
TK PHLOSOPHY
Hey everybody we're from TKG
And this is our philosophy
Ain't no matter who we fight
We don't shiver and we don't fear
With TK spirit we'll do no wrong
We'll show our courage and beat them all
So we dare you to come and fight
Cos TK will never lose our pride!
(Yo TK let's do it!)
We're gonna boom! Shake shake shake the floor
We're gonna boom! Shake shake shake the walls
We're gonna boom! Shake shake shake this place
Come on everybody let's shake it up
We're gonna get get get on down
We're gonna get get get on down, you bet
We're gonna get get get on down
We're gonna get get get on down, all right!
-Insert screaming here-
Thank you for all the wonderful memories, TK!
The TKGS 01-04 batch will live in my heart forever. Thank you for being a part of my life, one and all.
...I'm gonna miss you all.
And for the teachers..
Mrs Liew, for being my fm for two years and still can put up with me.. =) And for always spelling my name wrong, despite knowing my for two years.. =)
Mrs Khoo, Ms Lee, Mdm Hassan, Ms Johara, Mrs Loe, and even Mrs Lopez.. Thanks for putting up with my rubbish.. =) I know I've given you guys a lot of problems, but thanks for putting up with it anyway.. Haha..
Ms Yong, thanks for always being there to joke with.. Whatever the topic may be: school, teachers, principals, school work.. I have many fond memories!(and I'll always remember your camera =P) Your teaching techniques are quirky and don't deny it when I say you're cute. =)
Ms Ang, thanks for always being there for me.. Even though you did not teach me, you've always been there to listen to my problems, my complaints(even when they're unreasonable..)..
Ms Chuan, for always 'picking on me' and getting my name wrong.. Haha..
Mr Yeo, the most rubbish teacher of all.. Haha.. Thanks for making class interesting! Thanks for being there for me when I needed it the most.. Thanks for believing in me(you know what I mean..) and thanks for always cracking lame jokes in class just to make us smile. And I never got around to this, but thanks for the sunflower.
Oh dear that was so long ago xD
I wish I could have taken photos with all my teachers, but somehow they disappeared during dance or something. And guess which teacher was the only one to leave with us xD
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT SOME OF THE TEACHERS WERE WEARING.
Alamak Ms Yong.. Hahah.. =) I'll always remember you in tee and pants. =P
Well.. that's all I can say I suppose.. I'll miss everyone lots, especially Michelle, Vera, Chelsea, Huifang, Xinxian, Xuemin, Qixian, and the entire class of 4e9 2004!!!
I'll always be a 4-niner.
the memories
so dear
Friday, November 26, 2004
11:39 PM *
What a rush.
And that's it. Prom's over.
Goodnight all.
the memories
so dear
3:46 PM new.*
A new blog, a new template. Maybe after today, a new life. It's only two-plus hours to prom night. I don't know if I should feel excited or.. Well. Sad. After all, it will be the last time I'll be seeing a lot of people. The last meal my friends and I will share as TKGians.
Will I become a shadow in your memory? I hope not. For I know that your memory will be with me always. Michelle, Vera, Huifang, Xinxian, Xuemin, I will remember you all; and for everyone else who has appeared in my life, no matter how briefly, I will remember you also.
Yes, even the teachers. =)
So on with the day! Let us see what night brings.
And just to share, a poem that Grace(a dear friend of mine) wrote.
Please Don't Hide It From Me
Do you remember,
The times of laugher,
And the times of joy?
Do you remember,
The painful truths,
And the burning lies?
Do you remember,
The saddening words,
And the falling tears?
But do you even,
Remember me...?
Look into my eyes,
Tell me the truth,
Without looking away;
Have you ever tried,
Tried to hear my heart's cries?
Take my hand again,
I need to know,
So please don't let go;
My spirit has drifted far away,
But can you feel it at all?
Have you forgotten,
Those touching moments,
That brought us peace?
Have you forgotten,
Those encouraging words,
That gave us hope?
Have you forgotten,
Those things I screamed,
When everything was like a dream?
Or have you even,
Forgotten me...?
the memories
so dear
Monday, November 01, 2004
1:32 PM disclaimer*
this is aoi-tenshi's blog and aoi-tenshi reserves the right to whatever she writes in here.
if any of you offend me in any way, you will have to answer to janiria. and she's not a very nice wolf when she's mad.
if any of my posts sound childish, that's probably just redfarl doing the talking.
okay okay seriously.
my name's nat. i go by many names, live behind many masks and walk with different personalities. this is my own space, where i pour out my feelings, my hurt, my joy, my anger, my euphoria. if you don't like it, there's that little box with the 'x' at the top right corner of your screen, click that. you watch what you say about what i write, because this is my territory and what i say, goes. my space, my rules. these are my opinions, not all incidents recorded may be true and readers are expected to discern information by themselves.
maybe one day, i'll put up a website for all the different personalities that live within me. but if you know me personally, then maybe i'll let you see what's behind my mask.. prepare to be suprised.
nat` aoi-tenshi
the memories
so dear
im waiting for the day.
nat` ;
09101988 ;
16 ;
tpjc band tuba ;
morphobia@hotmail.com ;
cosplayer ;
for you to tell me.
#1tuba
#2bball
#3soccer
#4band
#5piano
that you love me too.
#1new wallet
#2new phone[samsung sgh-e730/e720c]
#3good grades for promos
#4lose weight
#5him[found him]
escape from reality
dec 05 - eoy @ expo - rhode from dgray man - pending
dec 05 - photoshoot - rhode from dgray man
dec 05 - videoshoot - sara(vampires anonymous)
mar 06 - photoshoot - cocowet from erementer gerad
dec 06 - eoy @ ???? - cocowet from erementer gerad
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